Road Ghosts Omnibus

Road Ghosts

OMNIBUS

E. Chris Garrison

Also by E. Chris Garrison

The Tipsy Fairy Tales

Blue Spirit

Restless Spirit

Mean Spirit

Trans-Continental Series

Girl in the Gears

Mississippi Queen

Reality Check

Short Story Collection

Alien Beer and Other Stories

Copyright © 2017 by E. Chris Garrison

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be copied or transmitted in any form, electronic or otherwise, without express written consent of the publisher or author.

Cover art: Enggar Adirasa

Interior Art: Bonnie Wasson

Cover art in this book copyright © 2017 Enggar Adirasa

Editor: Joshua M. Leet

Copy Editor: Amy E. Garrison

Published by Silly Hat Books

Publisher’s Note:

Four Til Late, Sinking Down, Me and the Devil, and Spectral Delivery are works of fiction. All names, characters, and places are the product of the author’s imagination, used in fictitious manner. Any resemblances to actual persons, places, locales, events, etc. are purely coincidental.

Printed in the United States of America

Second Edition

The Road Ghosts Omnibus

Four ‘til Late (Book One)

Sinking Down  (Book Two )

Me and the Devil  (Book Three)

Spectral Delivery (Bonus Short Story)

Four 'til Late

This novel is dedicated to Chuck Stringer (1963-2007), the best uncle and friend I could have ever asked for.

Chapter 1 - Uncle Gonzo

"Go away!" The papery voice whispered from the speaker of Brett's voice recorder. " Go away!"

See, it repeats itself! said Brett to Jimbo.

Jimbo ran a hand through his spiky blonde hair, squinting at the electronic device. I dunno, how do you know it's a ghost?

Brett stood up and pocketed the device. Well, I don't know for sure, but I didn't say it, and neither did anyone else there.

Sure sounds like it doesn't like you, whatever it is.

Yeah, I know. It's sort of a trend, said Brett, taking his glasses off for a moment to polish them.

Huh?

Brett held the glasses up and peered at Jimbo through the lenses one at a time. Oh, it's nothing. Just each ghost hunt I seem go to on lately, I get unfriendly messages like those.

Jimbo shrugged. Fran's into that stuff. Gives me the creeps, honestly. Don't play it for Gonzo, you know he'll just laugh.

Brett rolled his eyes and checked his watch for the third time in ten minutes. It's after ten now, where is he?

Jimbo shrugged and didn't look up from his handheld game. You know Uncle Gonzo, he probably had to make a liquor run first. He would have called if something happened, right? He cursed at the video game.

Maybe he's not coming at all, maybe he's gotten distracted by a shiny object and 'forgot' to let us know he can't make it. Brett scowled and glanced at his watch again. It hadn't changed.

Damn.

Jimbo glanced up at Brett. "Yeah? Think he'd pass on a road trip? This was his idea... He's spent the past month trying to talk us into it. I could be home playing Warcraft right now. My guild could use the help. I could have saved the drive up from Bloomington... Anyway, Gonzo can be flaky, but it'd take an act of God to keep him from his precious New Orleans road trip." The game bleeped and Jimbo clicked it off in disgust. He picked up his beer, sniffed the neck of the bottle, and then gulped down half.

Yeah, I know, said Brett. "It's not just important to him, but to me too. I gotta get away for a while. Gonzo has good taste, New Orleans is an excellent destination, but to me it doesn't matter so much where we're going. Hitting the road with you guys will be just the thing I need.

Work been shitty for you too? asked Jimbo.

Brett nodded. Yeah, it's been crazy busy. But I think I've just spent too much time in my own head, you know? All the stress, it's giving me nightmares.

A shrill car horn blared outside. Again, and again, each blast longer than the last. "Damn it, we wait two hours for him to show, and now we're holding him up?" Brett swung his backpack to his shoulder and grunted. Jimbo gulped down his beer and belched loudly, tossing the empty bottle in the trash. He grabbed the rolling bag he'd packed and velcroed the game into a side pocket. The two friends exited the townhouse, Brett locked the door, and they headed outside.

A powder blue minivan sat idling, headlights on, out in the parking lot. At first, Brett grabbed Jimbo's shoulder to hold him back. They looked at each other and turned to go back to the apartment. The shrill horn, more annoying outside, made Brett jump and turn around.

Jimbo cried, "Hey, it's Gonzo, in a minivan!"

Brett turned around and laughed, a short bark of a noise. I'll be damned. Hey, Uncle Gonzo finally made it. 

Inside the van sat Gonzo, a bear of a man with a ruddy face, reddish brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and cheerful squinty eyes. Junior, when are you gonna stop calling me 'Uncle'? It's embarrassing. I'm only a few years older than you! You're that much older than Jimbo, too, but he doesn't call you 'Uncle Brett'. Also, I'm sick of explaining that there's no relation between me and you mutants.

Maybe I'll stop when you quit calling me 'Junior', Gonz? I turned 30 this year! Brett grinned and walked toward the van.

Jimbo jogged up to the Grand Caravan and grinned at Gonzo. What happened to the Z, Uncle Gonzo? Did it get a sex change and gain weight? He giggled insanely, and then put on his best whiny Luke Skywalker imitation, What a piece of junk!

Brett joined him more slowly but snorted at the reference.

Gonzo smirked. This fucker will do point five past light speed! He cackled and smacked the roof of the van, leaning his head out the window to look back at the bulk of the vehicle as if checking to see if it was still all there. I got it just for trips like this. Think we could have fit both your whiny asses in the Z? Liz would have to ride in my lap. He put on a look of mock disappointment. On second thought, maybe I should have brought the Z after all. He shifted the Caravan into park, pulled the emergency brake and stepped out. He slid open the side door. Load up, gentlemen, it's going to be a wild ride.

Brett coughed and looked dismayed. Liz? Is she actually coming along? I thought she had to work? He stared into the van rather than looking at either of the other two guys. His backpack stayed on his shoulder, weighing that side of him down. Glancing back at the townhouse, he took deep breath and let it out.

Jimbo tossed his bag in the back of the van. "You still hung up on her, Brett? You guys broke up two years ago, didn't you? Thought you were doing the platonic friends thing?"

Seeing that Brett still hadn't loaded his backpack, Gonzo shrugged and took his bag from him and tossed it through the van's open door to join Jimbo's. Liz couldn't pass this vacation up, she got someone to work for her. We're picking her up in Memphis along the way. It'll be fine! Liz is cool, and it's not like either of you is seeing someone right now.

Brett sighed. No, it's not that. We're good friends, we chat online all the time. She's even been up to see me a couple of times. She's just... Well, I'm not sure how actually traveling with her will go. She's such a dingbat. She can be hard to take in large doses. Do you know she's got a twenty-four-seven webcam going, like the 'JenniCam'? She has actual fans, a fan club! From the sound of it, a bunch of them are crazier than she is.

Jimbo cut off Gonzo's reply and waved a hand to dismiss Brett. He patted the side of the Caravan. "Gonzo, dude, this van actually has a soccer symbol on the back. Are you kidding me? How can you be seen in this thing?"

"Hey, she's got room enough to camp in if we have to, and I don't have to worry about putting miles on the Z. I almost scraped off the soccer sticker, but I thought it'd be funnier to keep it. I'm calling her 'Soccer Mom'. She'll get us there and back again at least. Don't mind the 'old people' smell. The last owner must have tried everything to make it stink less. Instead, it smells like pine-fresh ass now. Brett looked back at the townhouse one last time, sighed, and walked around to get in the front seat. Shotgun," he said halfheartedly. Jimbo was already in the back, fishing his game out of his bag.

Gonzo closed the side door, got in the driver's seat and pulled Soccer Mom out of the parking lot and onto the main road. Next stop, Memphis, baby! He flicked on the CD player and cranked up the volume on Mojo Nixon's hyperactive version of Viva Las Vegas. He sang along loudly. Bright light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on faaaaar!

The van bounced down the road on questionable shock absorbers, swerving around slower vehicles. Gonzo's driving elicited a few honks and beeps until he found the on-ramp to the highway. At that point, every car on the road was playing the same game of dodge-em. The Indianapolis skyline loomed larger and larger, the glowing office windows defining their bulk, radio towers atop flashing red lights to warn off airplanes. Brett leaned his cheek against the passenger-side window and sighed yet again, his breath fogging on the glass in the cool October night.

Liz'll be more fun than you assholes anyway. She's got her own style, her own brand of class. I think she's better at being 'one of the guys', too. Gonzo grinned over at Brett encouragingly, though Brett didn't feel it. 

Yeah, she's okay. I just don't know if I want to hear all about whatever her latest weird project is for a thousand miles. Trapped. No escape... Brett forced a smile as he mimed loading his hand with an invisible bullet and pretended to blow his brains out, making wet sound effects as he did.

Jimbo laughed from the back seat. "Aw come on, Brett, she can't be into anything weirder than you are. What's your project this week? Time travel? Or are you building a better leprechaun trap? He pitched his voice high without missing a beat in his game. Always after me Lucky Charms, begum and begorra!" Gonzo cackled again and elbowed Brett.

Brett felt his face burn, and didn't respond until after the other two stopped laughing. Gonzo popped in a Pogues CD, which was now playing The Sick Bed of Cuchulainn. Brett had to almost shout over it, Well, I'm curious, that's all. There's so much out there that we don't know, or we think we do, but really don't. I guess Liz and I had that in common, except she just likes weird for weird's sake, she doesn't really ask a lot of questions. It always drove me crazy the things she'd just accept without any reason. She hasn't changed, either.

You're right about being one of the guys, chipped in Jimbo, face glowing odd colors from the electronic screen as he punched at the game madly with his thumbs. She's a real girl, but I've seen her win a belching contest and she's held her own with Gonzo playing quarters. Jimbo smiled, then snapped his handheld game shut. What's she doing anyway?

Still in tech support, if you believe that. I couldn't do it, I really couldn't. I'd find a way to track those fuckers down and beat them to death with their own keyboards. Gonzo chuckled, She loves telling stories about the Idiot of the Day and how she's strung them along, getting them to insult themselves with her sweet talk. I wouldn't trust her in a game of poker, that's for sure.

"Since when do you keep in such close contact with Liz? People said I was robbing the cradle when I dated her. You'd be older than the Standard Rule of Creepiness allows, 'Uncle Gonzo'." 

Gonzo sniffed, turning off the van's brights due to the fog rising up the highway as they passed the city's downtown. She's just a kid. We're both on that 'customers suck' Internet forum, and I've learned a whole lot more about what goes on in her head than I probably want to know. You're lucky your breakup was amicable. She's evidently got a katana and she told me how she'd eviscerate a man in just two cuts. Gonzo drew breath through his teeth in a hiss, wincing in mock agony. 

Jimbo added, I bet the katana has Hello Kitty on it, and she'd go, 'Uh oh, did I do that? Oopsie!'

Brett turned in his seat. Don't ever do that again, you sounded exactly like her. I'm going to have nightmares now.

Jimbo held his hand up flat, tips of his fingers touching the little O his mouth was making, eyes wide and innocent. Brett shook his head and looked forward. And screamed in unison with Gonzo. Aaaaaaa!

The fog solidified in front of them. The figure of a large man, standing in the middle of the road, raised its arm, palm held up as if to hold the van back through sheer force of will. The apparition glowed pure white in the van's headlights. Gonzo slammed on the brakes and threw the wheel towards the right shoulder. The Caravan skidded and its tires squealed. It was too late, but the figure burst into tatters of fog, and there was no impact other than a sort of muffled whuffing noise. Brett felt Jimbo hit the back of his seat and heard him yelp.

The van didn't fishtail much though, and Gonzo brought it to a halt on the side of the road, hazards blinking as the nighttime traffic whizzed past them.

What? What the fuck? said Jimbo, who was reseating himself, buckling up for the first time. What the fuck just happened? Was there a dog in the road or something?

Gonzo and Brett just stared at each other and couldn't speak for a moment, then both got out of the van. I don't see a body, said Gonzo, voice shaking. You saw it too, right, Brett?

Brett could only nod, then walked to the front to examine the bumper. He was there, then... he wasn't.

"Come back! What's going on? Body? What are you talking about?"

It... it was a ghost, said Brett slowly, an actual ghost! He grinned as though he'd just won a prize. Goddammit, I wish I'd had my camera out!

Gonzo laughed nervously. Camera? I think you're lucky we didn't piss ourselves. Ghost? No, it couldn't be, it was an illusion. It's late and the fog is pretty bad...

Brett still grinned, looking at Gonzo as both took their seats again and shut the doors. Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?

Chapter 2 - Down the Road

Soccer Mom stayed in the right-hand lane of I-70. Gonzo gripped the wheel and looked in the rearview and side mirrors furtively. The fog flew in rags past the windshield. Other cars were passing them impatiently, though they were by now up to the posted speed limit. Stubbled cornfields rushed by on either side, punctuated with the occasional mile marker or road sign. 

Brett rummaged in his backpack. He came up with a thick black paperback book, Ghosts, by Klaus Reisen. Keys jangled as he pulled out a penlight, sounding loud in the silent confines of the Caravan. Since conversation in the van had fallen silent, he paged through the book. He stopped here and there to read a passage, then flipped on, searching for something in particular, or scanning for some kind of answer.

After some time and miles passed, Jimbo groaned. Well, here it comes.

Gonzo chuckled. What, did Donkey Kong take a dump?

I wish, said Jimbo.

Brett put down his book. Okay, what is it, then?

It's Frannie, she's texting me a bunch of crap.

Brett knew this story. Let me guess, your girlfriend's home all alone and wishes you were too.

Gonzo sniffed the air around him. I smell something... clingy!

Yeah, pretty much. She says the guild misses me in our Warcraft raids, but she's made no secret that she's not happy that I'm taking this trip without her.

Brett turned to look at Jimbo. The gamer's thumbs jabbed away at the keys of his cellphone, his face lit by the screen. Brett saw Jimbo's forehead furrow. Why can't she let you have a fun trip with the guys? Well, and Liz too. Is that the problem?

No... I haven't even mentioned Liz yet.

Can I read it later? I want to pinpoint the exact moment when she blows a fuse, said Gonzo, snickering.

Be nice, Gonz, said Brett. Jimbo, the sooner you tell her, the better. Gonzo's not wrong. Best to get it out of the way.

Yeah, yeah, I'm telling her now. She's hinting that we should go to Savannah to pick her up instead of going to New Orleans, said Jimbo, clicking away at the phone.

Fuck that, spat Gonzo. The Big Easy's calling my name, not the Big Crazy.

You're not helping, Gonz... said Jimbo.

Brett sighed and looked out the front window. No fog now, just darkness and the lines of the highway. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach knotted. The van moved far too slowly for his taste, at that moment. He felt the urge to flee, to hide, to get somewhere safe. It worried Brett that he couldn't think of any reason for it. Fran's Jimbo's problem. Is this just jitters about seeing Liz again soon? We've visited before, it's never been like this.

After awhile, Jimbo unleashed a stream of curses.

Now what? asked Gonzo.

She's giving me shit about Liz. If she wasn't jealous before, now she sure is. How can I explain to her that it isn't like that?

If she's going for anyone in this van, said Gonzo, it'll be Brett.

Don't start that again, said Brett. A spark of nervous hope sputtered inside him at the thought, but he crushed it out.

Jimbo said, You're right, dude. Maybe I'll play up your history to Fran to calm her down.

Brett sighed. Whatever. She just needs to get off your back. You having fun shouldn't make her miserable.

Huh. She said she's going to bed.

Gonzo whistled along with the old blues ballad playing on the van's stereo, then said, I hope that's that.

Jimbo said, I have a feeling it's only the beginning.

WELCOME TO EFFINGHAM! cried Gonzo as he pulled Soccer Mom off the interstate. I've been driving since I got off work, I need a break. I'm feeling a wee bit dry. 

The others grunted assent, watching the empty streets of the little town go by. Looks dead, said Brett, shutting off his penlight and marking his page. Guess they roll the sidewalks up at nine here. He frowned as he passed an abandoned gas station, plastic bags over its pumps. We even going to be able to fill up here?

Don't worry, little towns always have three things you need. A greasy little diner, a place to drink beer, and someplace to get gas. Sometimes all three in one! By the way, you might want to roll down a window. He smirked and waved a hand in front of his face. Both Brett and Jimbo lunged for the electric window switches to purge the van before taking another breath. The temperature dropped rapidly and Brett's hair whipped in front of his glasses, forcing him to tuck it back behind his ears. Obligatory groans and complaints accompanied Gonzo's cackles as they pulled up in front of a filling station with a bar attached.

Ha! 'The Effing Hole.' That's spectacular! I think I'll get myself an Effing beer, what do you guys say? I think I need a picture of me in front of that sign as an Effing souvenir! Gonzo didn't wait for an answer, the door slamming behind him as he approached the front door. 

Brett looked at Jimbo. We haven't even been going two hours yet!

Jimbo shrugged and slid open the side door, following his older friend. Hey, I could use a beer myself, and I've gotta pee anyway. Maybe they have sandwiches or fries or something? The door slid shut with a thump. Brett sighed and trailed behind the other two.

When he entered, he found Gonzo already accepting a pitcher and three glass mugs at the bar from a leathery-looking little woman with a bandana tied around her hair. She smiled a welcome to the other two men, taking a couple of years off her tired face. She raised an eyebrow and asked Brett for his ID, and he handed it over, saying, I'm thirty, but okay... She looked surprised and handed it back with a You sure don't look it, Sweetie!

Gonzo poured the beers. "Typical pisswater, but what do you want at midnight in Effingham? They have both kinds of beer here... Bud and Bud Light!" 

Brett made a face, but took the beer anyway, sipping at it sourly. Jimbo didn't seem bothered, and cheerfully took a healthy pull off of the mug. Hey Gonzo, we gonna make it to Memphis in one run, or should we try to find a place to stay along the way?

Well, the plan was to go straight through, but I got a late start because of work crap, and I'm more tired than I thought already. I want to make it a bit further though, so we can spend part of the day in Memphis with our feet ten feet off of Beale. Liz says there's a Blues and Bar-B-Que Festival going on, we can't miss that! Gonzo snapped his fingers and downed his beer in one long gulp. He paused dramatically and let out a belch that made the tavern's handful of other patrons all turn to look in irritation or amazement. Gonzo noticed this and did a little bow and flourish in his seat. The locals shook their heads and laughed, going back to their own conversations.

Guess 'the Legend of Uncle Gonzo' will live on in this burg, passed down through for generations to come along with Paul Bunyan and Johnny Appleseed as a true American legend, snarked Brett with a smile. Slow down there, hoss, how much of that pitcher were you planning on downing before getting behind the wheel?

"Relax, Junior, this Uncle‘s beat, and I figure one of you can master the complexities of the beast that is Soccer Mom and get us an hour or two further along. I think there might be a state park somewhere in there, so maybe we can just camp for a few hours and head out in the morning?"

Jimbo raised his hand. I'll just have this one beer and I can drive. The back seat's okay, but I'm less likely to get carsick up front. I'll need something to eat on top of it though.

The bartender soon arrived with a big basket of steak fries, as if in answer to Jimbo's hopeful request. She eyed Jimbo's Jesus Saves... and takes half damage t-shirt suspiciously, but still smiled as she laid out small plates and silverware rolled in napkins. The fries looked a bit well done, but began to disappear quickly as all three grabbed a handful to put on their own plates. 

They munched and drank in silence awhile, then Brett spoke around a mouthful of fries. So what do you think about seeing an actual ghost on the highway back there? Was that cool or what? The guys on The Spook Board will be so jealous! 'Course it'd have been better if I'd gotten a picture or better yet, video. It was a once-in-a-lifetime, that's for sure!

Jimbo snickered.

Gonzo gave him a dirty look. I don't know if it was a ghost or not. I don't think I believe in ghosts. Whatever it was though, it was pretty strange. Anything that can make Brett here scream like a little girl sure is worth the price of admission.

Brett protested. Me? I seem to remember you just about going off the road, screaming your head off!

Jimbo snorted. "You're both out of your minds. It was fog. It's a cliché, even. People have always been seeing things in the fog. Down in Bloomington, if you go off the main roads, out into the surrounding country, there's always fog late at night. I've delivered out to the sticks and thought I'd seen all kinds of crazy things. Nothing scarier than this one time though." He held up a finger while he drank more of his beer to wash down a French fry.

Brett and Gonzo waited.

This one time, I was down in one of the hollows, out on Old 37, way out there. I don't think it was in our area, but it was a slow night, and the manager answered the phone and sent me out instead of having me put together boxes or rolling sticks. It was a big order too, so it was worth it in commission alone. Anyway, the fog was thick that night, and every time I went downhill after going over a rise, it was like I was plunging into a cloud bank, I'd have to slow way down to 20 or slower. I was terrified I'd get hit from behind by someone going faster who couldn't see my taillights. Luckily, it was 2am, and I had the roads to myself. I went on for a long while, it was pretty far out of town, I went up this hill and down into another pool of fog. The whole world went white from my headlights, when something loomed up in front of me. Something big! He took another dramatic sip.

Brett and Gonzo hadn't taken a bite or a drink since Jimbo had started talking, and they continued to stare at him, drawn into his story. I nearly died that night, Jimbo continued, The thing reared up and I had to swerve just like Gonzo here did, just to keep from hitting it. He broke out into a grin as the others were still spellbound, waiting to hear more. Goddamned deer almost took out my pickup.

Asshole, said Gonzo, finishing his beer.

Brett snorted and rolled his eyes. Man, if you'd seen what we saw earlier, you would have known it was a...

The lights went out. Afterimages of the room swam as Brett's eyes darted around to see something, anything, in the darkness. Once his eyes started to adjust, Brett could see a few candles in colorful bowls on tables. The dim, flickering light was just enough to turn the locals into eerie silhouettes. The neon beer signs over the bar held a foxfire glow for a few seconds, then faded away. Brett found himself holding his breath. The bartender cursed.

Brett felt a hand shaking his shoulder. Holy shit! What the fuck is that? Look at the TV! Jimbo's hissing whisper right next to his ear made Brett jerk his head that direction, and he could feel his feet go ice cold and his breath suck in involuntarily at what he saw. 

On the otherwise dead TV that hung in the corner above the back of the bar, there was a hand. It was as if someone was pressing their hand from inside the tube, and the pressure of the palm and fingers, was making the phosphors glow with a faint, sick, greenish light. Brett could see the lines on the palm and the creases in the joints. It seemed to glow brighter and brighter as the image flattened out like the hand was pressing with preternatural strength. Pressing so hard, Brett thought that it might break right through the glass and into the bar. He held his breath, heart pounding in his ears, eyes riveted to the screen. He heard Gonzo swear on the other side of Jimbo.

Then the lights came back on. The jukebox resumed the song it had been playing. The TV itself sprang back to life, showing sportscasters on ESPN discussing football highlights. Brett thought he detected a faint outline of a hand, an afterimage, but it was quickly gone. He looked around, seeing his two stunned friends, but the rest of the patrons just seemed annoyed rather than frightened. One of them kidded the bartender about not paying her bills. Had no one else seen the hand?

Chapter 3 - Through the Night

Shortly after the lights came on, the bar patrons went on with their drinking and eating, carrying along like nothing had happened at all. There was a loud thump, and Brett jumped up and turned, only to see a second metal-tipped dart thunk into the old bristle dartboard. He saw that it'd been thrown by a scruffy, curly-headed guy in a denim jacket, who scowled at him. Brett flashed him an embarrassed smile and sat back down with his friends.

Gonzo looked past Brett at the bartender and waved. She smiled and nodded and held up a finger.

So what was that? said Jimbo. You're the expert on this spooky ghostie Scooby Doo crap, aren't you? Isn't that what all the running around in graveyards after midnight with flashlights and cameras is all about? Don't you have a club or something that does that? 

Brett picked up his glass mug and swirled around the last of his beer. He tilted the pitcher, only getting a few remaining drips into the glass.

The bartender asked if he wanted a refill, but he shook his head. Got a ways to go tonight still.

Gonzo asked if they had any Irish whiskey, and when she shook her head sadly no, he asked for a Jack and Coke, skip the Coke and add more Jack, on the rocks. She grinned and set about getting a tumbler full of ice, measured out two shots, then pointedly looked away while it filled further up to cover the ice. She slid it to the grateful Gonzo, who began drinking it immediately.

I don't know, I've never seen anything like it, said Brett, Most of what I've done is ghost photography, and a bit of audio recording and analysis in supposedly haunted locations. What I've seen has been either explainable or hard to support as real evidence.

Jimbo asked, You do this by yourself?

Brett shook his head. I'm not in a 'club' right now, but I have some friends I go ghost hunting with from time to time. Those groups are full of thrill-seekers and people who want attention or to feel special, so a lot of what's reported is pretty unreliable. There are some good people, and some folks genuinely interested in using good methods, but they're more exception than rule. And the clubs don't much care; they're usually run by folks who put more stock in media attention than in getting good evidence. They think 'the more, the merrier,' but really, the more people at a ghost hunt, the noisier and more chaotic it gets. Everyone ends up tripping over everyone else, and not many of the groups I've seen are organized enough to handle numbers over six in a team.

Ice clinked in Gonzo's half-drained glass as he set it down. "Yeah, who cares? What was that on the TV? Someone playing tricks here? It is close to Halloween, maybe it's something they do around midnight here as some kind of wacky tradition? Maybe there's a VCR in back that plays that... Might be something from one of the Poltergeist movies?"

Think about it, said Brett, shaking his head. The power was cut for the whole bar. Even if they have the TV and the hypothetical VCR on a circuit by themselves and cut all the other breaker switches, I didn't even see a power light on the TV when the lights were out. You can see it on now, the power button itself has a green light on it.

Jimbo poked at the pool of ketchup on his plate with one of the last of his overdone fries. Still doesn't explain what it was. I'm thinking it wasn't a trick, since no one laughed. But no one's acting like they saw it, either.

Brett shrugged. You know, I'm not sure about that. People often see what they want to see. They'd rather see something that makes sense to them, something that's within their view of how the world works, than to see something that'd completely upset everything they thought they knew about the world.

I sure as hell didn't want to see it, grouched Gonzo, polishing off his Jack and crunching on some of the ice. What's special about us that we've seen a traffic cop made of fog on I-70 and a TV that wants to play radioactive patty-cake with us? You might see Slimer every day before breakfast, but I've never seen anything like those things.

Yeah, me either, said Jimbo, nodding. Only ghosts I run into are in video games or D&D. Sure, Halloween is coming, but that wasn't a guy in a Scream mask, it was just plain freaky. Maybe you're haunted, Brett. Maybe you've gone into one too many graveyards or haunted basements and got ectoplasm all over you, dragging things from beyond in your wake. He laughed, but still scooted a half inch further away from Brett as though he might be contagious.

Brett shook his head and sighed. "I doubt it. I've never seen anything this... solid before. Yeah, I've seen, heard and felt some stuff I can't explain for sure, but nothing's ever really jumped out and gone 'Boo!' like that, not even in the places around the state that are listed as 'most haunted'. This stuff was better than special effects in scary movies. It was really real, and as much as I've been dying to have experiences like these, I'm still at a loss to explain them. Maybe I was able to look at the hand on the TV screen and not have my brain delete it out as impossible, but I can't figure why you two are different. Maybe it's from listening to me go on about the stuff I've seen in the past? But you've never really taken that seriously, so I don't know."

Fuck it. Let's settle up and go. I just want to be in Memphis tomorrow and leave all this behind. That's what road trips are all about, leaving shit behind for a few days and breathing different air for awhile. I say we find a place to crash a bit further down the road and try to get rolling early. Gonzo eyed the last receipt the bartender had left for them, shuffled out some bills and walked toward the door without looking back. He also didn't look at the TV, which required turning three-quarters clockwise around his barstool, rather than taking the shorter path to his left.

Brett and Jimbo sat for only a couple of seconds, then headed out. Once they reached the door, Brett had to grab the set of keys that had been tossed without warning in his direction by Gonzo.

You okay to drive? asked Jimbo. Brett nodded. Yeah, I'm a night owl, the beer was pretty weak, and I had about half of that basket of fries on top of it. 

Gonzo pulled open the side door of the van and climbed in. He pulled the door shut, lay sideways in the back seat and shut his eyes.

Brett settled into the driver's seat and checked Gonzo's well-worn road map before buckling in. He drew a deep breath and let it out slow to cover a yawn.

Jimbo gassed up Soccer Mom at the automatic pump and growled, Someone else better get the gas next time, this thing is a pig.

Once Jimbo settled into the passenger seat, Brett pulled the van out onto the street and found the exit back onto the highway.

Sooner than he expected, Brett saw a sign advertising the interchange to take them to Memphis, so he took it. The van sped through the night, Effingham giving way to scattered houses, then fields. Stands of trees were the only regular punctuation in the rural landscape. The highway paralleled a railroad track for a few miles, and Soccer Mom outmatched its speed just enough that the train seemed to slide slowly by in the opposite direction. They passed the engine, which whistled a lonely goodbye to them as it crossed a road and the highway diverged from the track. There weren't many other cars, though Brett took some irritable glee in flashing his brights at idiots who didn't turn their own brights down as they approached. 

Gonzo's raucous snore echoed in the back of the van. Jimbo nodded off over his handheld video game, even dropping it once.

Brett turned on the CD player again, but found he didn't feel much like the cheerfully obnoxious Pogues, so he switched to another disc at random. He smiled at the Zydeco that played, and he slapped the steering wheel in time with the beat. He imagined the percussionist with a washboard vest capering around on stage during the live performance of the song. He could just about taste the gumbo and jambalaya that was waiting for him down the road in the Delta. This was more like it.

After an hour or so, Brett began to lose his second wind. Gonzo still snored away and Jimbo had long since shut his game off and slept, face pressed against the passenger side's glass.

Signs for a state recreation area caught Brett's attention, so he followed them off the highway and into the park. The entry booth to the camping area was closed and dark, but he pulled the van up anyway.

Jimbo woke up and looked blearily around him as Brett reached out the window to take a campsite reservation ticket. Brett pulled out some cash and slipped it into a self-check-in envelope, which he deposited in the night slot. He filled the ticket out and followed the map printed on it until he found an empty campsite. He pulled the brake and shut off the van.

Gonzo's still where he passed out. I'll take the back back seats. Can you sleep up here? Brett took Jimbo's dull nod as answer and climbed into the back, past Gonzo's inert form, and lay down in the empty furthest back seats.

Brett stretched out as best he could and closed his eyes. He saw, just for an instant, the green phosphorescent hand in his mind's eye, but even that couldn't keep him awake for long.

Chapter 4 - Breathless Visions

Brett awoke in the grey false-dawn, his eyes open only a slit; everything was a little blurry without his glasses on. He'd heard something scrabbling around behind the seats. Was something in here with them? An icy feeling stabbed through him at the thought, but he couldn't sit up. 

Brett then heard the scrabbling become a kind of rough scraping, traveling up the back of his seat. Could an animal have gotten into the van? Some kind of raccoon or possum, perhaps? The thought didn't calm his panic, since even if it were just an animal, he still couldn't move.

The scraping sound moved on the other side of the seat, past his ear, and up toward the top. He couldn't move his head, but from where he lay he could see the window over the seat. Something, some sort of shadow, was moving back there, though he could not yet make out what it was, just that there was movement.

Silhouetted in the dishwater light that filtered in the van's rear hatch window, he saw claws or maybe fingers grasp the headrest, seeking purchase to pull up and over towards him. Brett tried to cry out to warn the others. He strained and pushed his will against his rebelling lungs, his unresponsive mouth and vocal cords. To his horror, Brett could not even consciously draw a breath, or force out a whisper, not even a squeak. In his mind, he was screaming, howling a warning, but try as he might, he could not speak or do anything to make a sound to wake up his friends, he was terrified and his heart began to pound as the terror rose up in him. 

The form of a shadow loomed into the window's light now, more clearly inside the van, right behind the seats where Brett lay. Not a raccoon or an possum, it had the shape of a human head and shoulders. With the light behind it, Brett could make out no features, no colors at all, just the silhouette, as though a shadow had peeled itself off of the ground to menace him.

The form looked around the cabin of the van, searching... and Brett knew it was seeking him.

It found him. The shadow thing peered downward now, over the back of the seat. It seemed to stare at him, and Brett could feel its gaze cut right into him. Brett still could not move, paralyzed with fright or some more sinister force. He was sure the figure meant him harm, and once it was done with him, it would go after his friends too.

The shadowy form reached its gripping hand over the seat now, moving toward his face while Brett lay helpless. Maddeningly, he was still unable to move or speak. Brett could only watch it draw close, grasping his throat and squeezing, cutting off his breath. He found he could move just a little now and tried to lift his hand, but it felt like it weighed hundreds of pounds. The shadow began to whisper harsh, grating words to him that were not clear. Brett's panic gripped him as his breath was cut off entirely. He tried with all his might to cry out, to breathe, to scream!

Gonzo shook his shoulders. Wake up! Brett, you fucker, wake up! You're yelling in your sleep! Wake up!

Brett's eyes flew open and he stopped screaming. He drew ragged breaths, thankful to be back in control of his own body. He pushed Gonzo away and sat up. Sorry, sorry, I thought I was being strangled... He breathed in and out, slower now, trying to calm down and stop his heart from racing. He felt a flush come to his face as embarrassment overtook relief.

The light shone grey, the same as in his dream, but there was no dark form between him and the window. He saw only a tree branch waving up and down in the gentle morning winds, back behind the van, only a few leaves still on it. I... I get night terrors sometimes, sleep paralysis. 

Gonzo studied him a moment, then nodded. I used to get that too when I was in college. My roommate just about killed me a couple of times for waking up yelling and swinging my fists around.

Brett grinned and nodded. Yeah, so you know what it's like. It's awful, the worst thing in the world when it’s happening.

Jimbo's bleary-eyed face appeared from around the front seat. Sleep paralysis?

Sort of the opposite of sleep walking. In sleepwalking, your body doesn't suppress muscle movements you initiate in your dreams, and you go ambling around in real life like you perceive yourself doing in your dreams. Brett took a deep breath and willed himself to slow his speech down.

His friends waited, faces concerned, so Brett smiled and continued. With sleep paralysis, you wake up partially, but your muscles are still frozen in place, your breathing still only autonomic, so you feel like something's sitting on you, holding you down, keeping you from breathing. Since it's only a partial state of waking, dreams and nightmares can be superimposed on reality too. It can be terrifying. It's one of the things that I ask about when I talk to people who claim to see ghosts just as they go to bed or just as they wake up.

Jimbo frowned. Sounds like the weird stories my aunt Mel used to tell. She used to say she had this curse on her, something about an old hag who visited her and sat on her chest. We all thought she was crazy. She said that she'd read about others who were visited by the old hag in their sleep too, that the hag was trying to crush the life out of you, steal your air and your soul. One day when we visited her, she told us about how she'd seen a show about out of body experiences. From then on, she kept going on about astral projection and the strange visions she'd had at night. She even said her house was haunted. Sure makes for an entertaining Thanksgiving when we eat at Aunt Mel's.

Brett shook his head. No, no, it's nothing like that. It's a medical issue, not a paranormal one at all. People love to make up stories, and some psychics seem to have a field day with this one to convince others that they've had a paranormal encounter. It makes real investigating more difficult when fantasies are more fun than reality.

Well, you sure scared the crap out of me, said Jimbo with a sigh. I thought something bad had happened to you. He checked the van's clock for the time. Shit, looks like we haven't even been here four hours.

Gonzo looked out the windows. Guess you found a state park. Good job. Last thing I remember was getting in the van at the Effing Hole and dying. Thanks for taking over, I was beat.

I didn't last too much longer, said Brett, I figure we only have a few more hours ‘til Memphis. We're awake anyway now, let's get something to eat and get back on the road. I figure we can be on Liz's doorstep before noon at any rate. When was she expecting us, anyway?

I can deal with that. Gonzo retied his ponytail and straightened his jacket. Well, gents, I have to go piss on some local trees before we go anywhere, but that plan sounds good to me. I told Liz we'd be there in the morning, so I guess we ought to give her a call or something once we're on the road again. He slid the side door open and stumbled off into the woods.

Brett rubbed his face and fumbled around until he found his glasses and put them on. He blinked at Jimbo and said, I barely remember getting here myself. Have you seen my book?

You left it up here, said Jimbo, pointing at the dashboard. What's with that Ghosts book, anyway? You find anything good in there about haunted televisions or hitchhiking ghosts?

It wasn't hitchhiking. I think it was trying to stop us, or warn us. Brett accepted the book from Jimbo as it was handed back to him. He jabbed a finger at the cover. There are plenty of roadside ghosts in this book. Someone picks up a hitchhiker along a lonely rural road. They travel together awhile, and eventually part ways. The person in the story goes into a diner and describes who they've given a ride to, and the locals get freaked out because the hitchhiker was actually killed in a terrible accident many years ago. The person's been riding along with a ghost!

Jimbo grinned. Like 'Large Marge' in the Pee Wee movie?

Brett laughed. Exactly. Sometimes the story is reversed like that, with the person being picked up by a phantom driver. Same idea, though the details are different. When very similar stories get told like that, it makes me suspect it's just that... a good ghost story that's made better by telling it as though it really happened. And some people get convinced that it's the truth, and retell it... spreading it around.

So it's really worthless? Why bother then? Jimbo sounded genuinely curious.

Brett shrugged. There are more than anecdotes in here. Klaus Reisen is one of the most respected in the field. He's been going around collecting stories, sure, that's what pays the bills, really. But he's in it for the evidence. He's worked for most of his adult life on researching and trying to verify accounts, to sort the real thing from campfire stories. It gets into psychic protection and other more questionable stuff... Klaus may be a fan of scientific methods, but he's also sure there are limits to what science can tell us in the paranormal field.

Something crashed around in the leaves outside of the open sliding door. The Caravan began to shake and rock, and Brett heard moaning. He dropped Ghosts with a cry and leaped outside and ran. The car horn honked and Brett glanced back to see Jimbo fumbling for the keys, eyes wild.

Their panic was brought up short by a familiar cackling laugh. Gonzo rose up from where he was rocking the van and said, I wish I could have seen your faces! That was too funny! Brett stalked back and glared at Gonzo for a moment, but Gonzo's grin was contagious, and though he pretended to take a swing at Gonzo, he was trying to hide a smile as he did so. Gonzo continued, You're both getting way too serious about this shit. We were tired and we were seeing things. I'll grant they might have been weird, but I bet there's something that makes more sense than 'ghosts,' just like how sleep paralysis isn't an old hag, it's just a chemical malfunction in the body. I don't know the answer, but I'm not letting that ruin my vacation. Let's get something to eat. There's a lodge over there that says 'Country Breakfast Buffet' on it, and I plan to fill up on biscuits and gravy before hitting the road. Come on!

Chapter 5 - Moving Along

After breakfast, Soccer Mom flew down the highway. The wind whistled in through a barely open window, competing with hyperactive punk music bouncing around the van's interior. The early morning sun streamed in the windows, making Gonzo squint at the road.

Oh my God, exclaimed Jimbo, looking up from his cell phone. Frannie is driving me crazy. If she tells me one more time that she wishes I'd road tripped to Savannah to see her instead of going with you guys to New Orleans... I swear I'll flush this cell phone at the next rest stop. She's being super clingy... You'd think I was on tour with the Swedish Bikini Team instead of your ugly asses! He plugged the phone into the backseat power outlet with an adapter and shoved it in the seat pocket. 

Psycho hose beast on the loose! cried Gonzo. And here I thought the monsters wouldn't come out in the daytime! Man, Jimbo, you have got to get over your imaginary girlfriend. I mean, if you can't even fantasize right, something's wrong upstairs, if you know what I'm saying? Gonzo twirled a finger around his right ear, the other hand still on the wheel, and he glanced in the rearview to grin at Jimbo. Besides, the beast has a point, we're going to be traveling with Liz, the most notorious flirt east of the Mississippi.

Brett felt his face warm with the flush of unexpected anger at Gonzo's implication. Oh she is, is she? Was she just stringing me along those years we lived together in Bloomington? Was she unfaithful even once when we were together?

Gonzo rolled his eyes. I'm saying she's a flirt, not a whore, Brett. You know how she is, she's fun, she's friendly, she hasn't got personal space issues, and she has a way of getting anyone to smile. I can see what you saw in her, she's a great girl, and you were damn lucky to have her for the time you did. But damn it, that was then, and now she's a free agent. She wouldn't do anything to hurt you, but she doesn't have to be a nun to spare your feelings. Chill out, or this is going to be a long trip.

Brett sighed. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's still fresh enough for me, it's not like I've seen anyone since her. But Fran doesn't have anything to worry about, Liz isn't going to make a play for either of my best friends, especially not while we're going to be cooped up in a car together for days. If I thought that, I'd never have gotten in the van.

There was a sudden burst of eerie music from the back of the van. Electronic music, very tinny, it sounded vaguely like the theme from Halloween. Brett pointed, looking at Jimbo. My phone! Could you grab it from the side pocket of my backpack? Jimbo fumbled a moment, then obliged, tossing the phone to the front seat. 

Brett caught it, fumbled, and then caught it again, glancing at the screen before putting it to his ear. Speak of the devil, he mumbled before he hit the 'talk' button. Hey there, Liz, we were just about to call you! The irritation in his face smoothed out into a more relaxed smile as he talked. 

Hey there hot stuff, I was beginning to wonder whether you were off in a ditch somewhere. Gonzo get you lost or something? Liz's perky tone said that she hadn't worried at all, and had a playful, warm feeling to it that made Brett long for the past. He had to smile, she still sounded a bit like a cartoon character.

Nah, we got a late start, and had some weird stuff happen along the way. We'll have to tell you about it when we get there. I wouldn't deprive Gonzo of a storytelling opportunity. Brett pretended to duck as Gonzo sighed and drummed his fingers on the wheel, only the slightest hint of a smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

Oh, I am sure our Gonzo will be in rare form tonight, assuming you actually get here before the Blues and BBQ Fest is over with. I have a story to tell you myself, it's pretty funny, really. Want me to save it for later? Liz