From Worry to Wonder: Seeing God's Goodness in Life's Rearview Mirror

BONUS VIDEO FOR YOU

BONUS VIDEO FOR YOU

I recorded a bonus welcome video to start you on your journey from worry to wonder as you navigate your life trials. Watch it now at this link:

https://amyhagerup.com/welcome-video

Copyright © 2024 by Amy Hagerup

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A note to readers: The names of some of the people in this book have been changed.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®). ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. The ESV® text has been reproduced in cooperation with and by permission of Good News Publishers. Unauthorized reproduction of this publication is prohibited. All rights reserved.

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Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the NASB1995: New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved.

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DEDICATION

For my grandchildren:

Tyler, Zachary, Isaac, Elyse, Esther, Judson, Cullen, Seth, Owen, Levi, Gavin, Margee, Ruby, and Archie.

These stories are part of God’s legacy for our family. Always remember to love God first and then look for the good that He will accomplish through the trials you encounter. Be sure to share these stories with your children and grandchildren so that God will be glorified for all His wonders in our life. (Psalm 78:4)

I love you,

Nana

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PREFACE: An Invitation to Change Worry to Wonder

SECTION I: GOD'S PROVSION OF EVERY NEED

1.Assignment: Loneliness

2.Down to My Last Two Dollars

3.A Needed Item I Forgot to Bring

4.A Powerful Lesson from God's Provision

5.No One Can Outgive God!

6.Too Exhausted to Serve a Visitor

SECTION II: GOD'S PROTECTION IN TRAVEL

7.Travel Didn't Go As Planned

8.Lesson Learned from a Mule

9.Injured in the Middle of Nowhere

10.Extreme Emotions at Airports

11.How God Used a Vanity License Plate

12.Deadly Detour: Following the Wrong Leader

SECTION III: GOD'S PROVIDENCE IN MY CHILDHOOD

13.The Impact of the Family Boss

14.Mama's Desperate Christmas Eve

15.Doctor's Prediction I'd Go Insane

16.When the FBI Came to Our Home

17.Letting Go of My Treasures

18.Reaction to a Hate Prank

19.From Abandoned Daughter to Found Fiancée

SECTION IV: GOD'S PLAN IN MY SPIRITUAL FORMATION

20.Childhood Threads Woven for God's Purposes

21.A Longing to Belong

22.When Rose-colored Glasses Were a Good Thing

SECTION V: GOD'S PRESENCE IN MY CHILDREN'S LIVES

23.House Arrest with Our Baby

24.A School Choice Dilemma

25.When Our Kids' Valuables Were Stolen

26.A Treasure Born in a Village

27.Jeered by the Spectators

28.A Grandfather's Act of Mercy

29.Adoption: Blocked

SECTION VI: GOD'S PURPOSE SEEN IN LIFE AND DEATH

30.Runaway Dad is Located

31.Bad Advice Disguised as Caution

32.God Said No When I Needed a Yes

33.Hurting People Hurt People

34.When God Appointed a Deer

35.Assignment: Steadfastness

FINAL WORDS

PHOTOS FOR YOU

ENDNOTES

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A LETTER TO THE READER

PREFACE: An Invitation to Change Worry to Wonder

The young nurse inserted a needle into my neck. She was drawing another biopsy sample from one of my six thyroid nodules.

A neck ultrasound to check my carotid arteries had revealed abnormal nodules. I had noticed that I was sometimes hoarse, which can be a symptom of thyroid cancer.

I wondered how God planned to bring good from this possible diagnosis.

I smiled at the nurse as I told her about the goodness of God in my life. She listened politely, but her forehead was wrinkled with confusion. I wondered if she was thinking, Aren’t you worried?

Actually, no. No, I was not worried, although the temptation is always there. God is sovereign in my life, and everything that happens to me is filtered through His loving hands. And I trust Him.

But it wasn’t always like this for me.

Memories of trauma from our time in Ethiopia and Ghana, as well as from my childhood and my kids’ experiences, are harsh realities. Some of the most vivid ones were:

That time we ran low on food. What if I gave away most of our pantry items? Would God provide for our family until we could shop?

How fearful I was when we missed our train in a foreign country that had a curfew. Where would we find safety until morning?

The desertion of my dad and the impact it had on my family. Without income, how would we survive?

Wanting to protect my children from bad things happening to them. But was I the one in charge?

The list of my worry opportunities went on and on. However, as I reflected on them, I could see how God brought good from every single one. In some cases, the good He brought about was a lesson He taught me from it. I smiled at the wonder of God’s goodness.

And then it hit me right there on that examination table: I needed to write a book about how God changed my worry to wonder!

You are now reading that book. I invite you to experience these trials in my life with me: Worrisome. Anxious. Nail-biting trials.

And then wonder with me at God’s goodness as I reflect on them in life’s rearview mirror.

These stories are not presented chronologically but instead are grouped thematically. I have included the date and location at the beginning of each story to help orient you. Check the ENDNOTES chapter for more information.

Whether or not I can see how God brought good from one of my trials is not the measuring stick of His goodness. Occasionally, I still can’t see it in some of what He allowed in my life other than the lessons He taught me. But I trust Him and believe He did (and continues to) bring good from everything He allowed (and allows) in my life.

I still am tempted to worry when presented with a trial, but I am asking God to help me remain steadfast quicker than ever. I want to shift from worrying as my default attitude to embracing the wonder of God before I know what He will do.

My goals for you are twofold:

You, too, will reflect on the worrisome trials God has allowed in your life and see how God brought good from them.

You will learn to trust God in your current trial to bring good out of it before seeing His marvelous plan.

I invite you to change your worry opportunities into worship opportunities at the wonder of God’s goodness.

Oh, one more thing: my thyroid biopsies were all benign. For now, anyway.

Living in the wonder of God’s goodness to me,

Amy Hagerup

Dousman, Wisconsin

A note on names and specific details in this memoir:

I have used most of the family and friends’ real names (with permission) in these stories. I have changed the names of a few minor roles. Everything is as accurate as I can remember. But as you and I know, memories evolve and grow as we do. The resounding message remains true despite a non-perfect memory: God is at work in our trials and works them all together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

Unless noted otherwise, all Scripture verses are quoted in the English Standard Version.

Chapter one

Assignment: Loneliness

May 1975 ~ Ethiopia

Staring out the 747’s window at the mountains, I saw circles of huts huddled together like a football team before a play. I’m back.

I had spent a summer in Ethiopia as a short-term missionary with the Sudan Interior Mission, known simply as SIM. (The mission name was changed later, but the acronym remained the same.)

My fiancé and I had flown in together a year ago. Mark had then started his first four-year term by traveling south to Soddo while I served for three months in the pharmacy in Addis Ababa. Even though we were not together during my stint there, it was a valuable time to learn the culture and get to know Ethiopians working at the headquarters. As a twenty-one-year-old who had seldom been out of South Carolina, my worldview was expanded by making friendships with colleagues from other countries: Scotland, Germany, Australia, Canada, and Ireland. I had much to learn.

At the end of the summer, I had flown back to the United States to complete my final year of Bible college. During those eight months at home, I had finished my senior year, written my doctrinal thesis for college and my mission board, packed my barrels, and raised support.

Since we hoped to start a family during our first term overseas, I gathered maternity clothes and baby items to pack. One time, when I was shopping for a maternity dress, the sales lady asked me when my baby was due. In about two years, I said. I don’t know if that was presumption or faith on my part, but they did get used in Ethiopia.

My final preparation step for returning to the mission field was to fly to SIM’s three-week candidate school in New Jersey. I packed my wedding dress in my carry-on bag. After I completed candidate school, I flew to Ethiopia to join Mark and begin our married life.

I was landing in this beautiful country where God was planting me.

I would see Mark soon.

And I couldn’t stop smiling!

Ten days after arriving, Mark and I recited our vows in a garden behind the mission headquarters in Addis Ababa. I was sorry that none of our families were able to attend our special occasion. But we had to decide whether to get married in Ethiopia after I graduated or wait three more years for us to return to the U.S. on our first furlough. We chose the earliest wedding date possible.

After our honeymoon at the mission’s retreat location and a life-defining trip to Djibouti, Mark and I started language study in Debre Berhan. Mark had already learned some Amharic, so he was in the second-year class. I was in the beginning class.

During those early months of language school, I started feeling tired and needed to nap daily. It didn’t take long to realize the exciting news—those maternity clothes would be required! We sent the news in an aerogram to my sister with the instruction to take a photo of my mother when she found out she would be a grandmother. That is still one of my favorite photos: Anna reading the news out loud while my brother captured the moment of Mama clapping and jumping.

My severe morning sickness put a damper on my language study, especially the essential visitation we did daily. However, I completed the first year of study with flying colors as well as an expanding girth. Mark finished the advanced level. We were on our way.

In January 1976, after finishing language school, we were stationed at Soddo, where Mark had been while I was finishing college. The mission compound included a hospital and a row of missionary houses where doctors, nurses, and teaching missionaries lived. On February 9, I gave birth to Benjamin Mark in that hospital.

The missionaries became our family, and we devoured meals and games together on Friday nights. Since Mark and I were in our early twenties, we were closer in age to the high school missionary kids than we were to our fellow career missionaries. But the seasoned missionaries became our close friends—and four of the nurses joined us in Ghana years later.

One weekend, a young SIM family came for a visit to Soddo. We met them during the game night that Friday. They ministered in Waka, which was only accessible by pack mule or Mission Aviation Fellowship aircraft. (MAF is a missions organization that provides flights to missionaries in remote locations.) Simon and Jenna Harmon and their three small children joined us for a meal. With brown hair framing her face, Jenna punctuated her stories with hand gestures. Her reports fascinated me; their life was much more isolated than ours in Soddo.

The tone of our conversation changed when she leaned close to my face and whispered, Amy, pray that you never get assigned to Waka. You will die of loneliness there. I watched her eyes glaze over, and I instinctively hugged her.

About four weeks later, our mission head, Merle, knocked on our screen door. Anyone home? His eyes showed seriousness as he sat on our new purple couch, which we had ordered built from a carpenter in Soddo. We had spent $150 of our $200 monthly income on this sofa, which was the second piece of furniture we had made. The first one was a blue-and-white crib for Benjy.

I brought Merle a cup of tea and then took Benjy onto my lap as I sat down beside Mark.

Mark and Amy, the Harmons you met last month are leaving the mission field. I want you to pray about moving to Waka to replace them. I normally would not ask a new missionary couple to go to a hardship post, but I have no alternative. He laced his fingers together as he leaned forward.

I froze in my chair as Jenna’s warning echoed in my brain. Mark blinked as he absorbed this request. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Even the curtains stopped fluttering.

Merle was waiting for a response.

Of course, we will pray about this. My husband glanced at me for my support. I nodded, thinking of how we had just settled into our third home in Soddo—a cute little cottage without bats (unlike the other two we had lived in). A move to Waka would mean leaving behind both our purple couch and the blue-and-white crib. But the loss of these purchases didn’t compare to the terrifying possibility of what awaited me there.

One life-robbing word consumed my thoughts: loneliness.

Refusing to move to Waka was not an option. God had led us through every assignment of our short married lives and continued to guide us. We knew the best place to be was in the center of His will. He didn’t make mistakes. But Waka?

One month later, in August 1976, we moved to Waka with our six-month-old son.

Waka was a two-day mule ride from Soddo or a thirty-minute flight. SIM equipped the missionary houses in remote stations so furniture didn’t have to be flown in and out every time a missionary changed. All we had to bring was our clothing and home supplies like pots and pans, linens, and other personal effects. The couch our mission provided was a chocolate-colored tweed, and Benjy’s crib was a walnut stain. Each piece of furniture performed its purposes splendidly. Everything in our little cottage was a generous provision in the middle of these mountains.

My husband’s roles in our new location were teaching in the Bible school and preaching in outlying villages. The church was well-established, so our involvement was more in teaching and encouraging the church than church planting. For Mark, this involved trekking for several days into the mountains to reach fledgling churches and teach them God’s Word. He would do this with Ethiopian church leaders who had helped establish the churches years earlier. It was a privilege for us to be working alongside such godly men.

I enjoyed teaching the Bible to ladies and teenage girls each week. My Amharic improved as I used it in visiting and teaching. Mark and I also worked on memorizing verses to grow our vocabulary in our newly-acquired language.

We ran a generator some nights for an hour but used it sparingly since we had to fly in the diesel fuel to operate it. A wood stove was used to boil our drinking water, bake bread, and cook our meals; it had the added benefit of heating our home. A gas stove was available for occasional cooking when we didn’t have the wood stove cranked up. Our refrigerator was a unique screened window that protruded, complete with shelves and an interior wooden door to cover it. Temperatures were cool in the mountains, especially in the evenings. In that makeshift cooler, we could store a small jar of mayonnaise purchased in Addis Ababa and finish it before it went bad.

Our tub was old-fashioned with feet. When we got into it, we had to be sure we stepped into the middle because it would rock precariously. Our water supply came down the hill through a buried garden hose to our kitchen sink and the