Public Speaking For Those Who'd Rather Die

A Whole-life Approach To The Challenge Of Public Speaking

Public Speaking for Business

Public Speaking for School

Public Speaking for the Whole Life

Daniel Arguelles

COPYRIGHT ©2018 BY Daniel Arguelles

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Dedicated

to my sweet wife, Tammye, and my inspiring daughter, Emily, who patiently listened to my ideas, helped me develop concepts, and did not allow me to walk this path alone.

In memory of

Scott Aaron, a man whose vision and determination in life continue to inspire others to dream big and make it happen.

CONTENTS

ONE

For Those Who’d Rather Die 

TWO

The Whole Life 

THREE

Transformation 

FOUR

Simon Says and People Listen 

FIVE

Veritas 

SIX

Don’t Focus on That 

SEVEN

Focus on This 

EIGHT

Showtime 

ONE

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FOR THOSE WHO’D RATHER DIE

The Correct Perspective

ANY CHALLENGE IS MORE easily faced if one has the correct perspective. So, what perspective should one have when approaching the challenge of public speaking? Many years ago, I ventured into the world of teaching. Having worked as a biomedical equipment technician in the Air Force, I was qualified to be an electronics instructor in a civilian technical school. The problem was I had been away from the field of electronics for some time, and speaking in front of a crowd, well, that had never been my favorite thing to do. In the weeks leading to the new job, panic began to take root and eventually I concluded I was not going to be able to do it. There was no way I could stand before a classroom and teach, a feeling that became even stronger once I sat in on several lessons where seasoned professors imparted their vast knowledge to their students. Having crashed and burned in front of a crowd some years back, now with this new challenge right before me, vivid images of failure pounded on my mind night and day. The prospect of public speaking brought forth such palpable terror that the facts did not matter. Intellectually speaking I knew it didn’t make sense to fear the classroom but with teaching time just over the horizon, what I knew was quickly overridden by actual physical symptoms: rapid palpitations, shortness of breath, a cracking voice, clumsiness, an inability to retain information or produce a sincere smile, and more. I was convinced that an audience would hear my pounding heartbeat and would detect the sweat rolling down my face even before it started. My cold, shaky hands would be seen a mile away, and my dry throat would make talking nearly impossible.

If luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity, then I went the opposite direction, because I did not know how to prepare or even that I could prepare. And I was convinced I was simply not made for this teaching job—I was 100 percent sure I was right. I did not want several dozen pairs of eyes staring at me as I explained difficult concepts on the board. Deep inside, I felt it, I knew it, and no one could talk me out of it. I would not be able to teach a class, and that was the end of that. Fast forward some twelve months into the job, and I was well regarded by the school and respected by my peers, and, if the student reviews each semester were any indication, I was a pretty competent teacher.

So, what happened? Was I incorrect in my certainty that I was unable to stand before a class and teach? Not exactly. I simply had yet to learn (or stumble upon) what is perhaps the most valuable lesson of all when facing a challenge. If I was absolutely sure I could not stand before a class and teach, then I was right, but only partially—or, more accurately stated, I was right at that moment. A more factual statement would be something like this: I can’t do this right now, but I’m in the process of being able to. My frame of mind and how convinced I was fatefully described where I was at that moment, on a line containing many moments. How I felt was an honest reflection of where I was, but ignored where I would be later. I was not taking into account the fact that we are always in the process of becoming, of changing, and that we must be fully cognizant of this fact in order to make things happen in the direction we desire. Otherwise, we will just be carried to and fro by the winds of life. Before becoming an instructor, I had somehow arrived at a point in the continuum where I felt fear and doubt when challenged with talking to an audience, but could move from there to a more desirable place by having a goal and being deliberate in the process. Decades before, as a kid and preteen, I’d had no problem speaking before the classroom. But I had since shifted to a different point and arrived at a place of trepidation. This happened partly because I had shied away from opportunities to speak up. You may not think of it in those terms, because it is difficult to quantify an inaction, sort of like trying to figure out how many times you did not honk your horn at a slow driver. Your inactions may look something like shying away from opportunities to speak, keeping under the radar, and not making any waves—or not doing. But regardless of our level of participation, we are always in motion heading somewhere. And now, as an adult, the consequences of my apathy were clear in the way I felt whenever faced with the public speaking challenge. Since movement and change are a constant, I needed to become more actively involved with the situation in order to manipulate things to purposely move to a better place.

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not   the same man.

—Heraclitus (c. 535–475 BCE)

Faced with the prospect of becoming an instructor of electronics, it was time to move again, this time setting my sights on a new goalpost and bringing intentionality and attention to what I was doing. With my sight set on becoming the best instructor I could be, I started rehearsing the lessons as if in the actual classroom standing in front of the students. It was more a matter of necessity than anything else (I really needed the job), and as such the journey to becoming an electronics instructor was cumbersome, slow, and full of self-doubt. If instead I had known that I could not deliver a presentation at just that moment but was actively creating change to achieve a different outcome, the journey would have been much easier and maybe even more enjoyable.

It is not who we are, but who we are becoming, that matters. Our perspective should acknowledge that the path to the future is to some extent malleable. If my attitude had been more in sync with the correct perspective, I would have had a much more positive approach to the situation: I don’t feel I can do this right now—but I will be able to soon. It is vital to understand that had I not taken any action, change would have still occurred, but it would have pulled me away from what I wanted. It would have looked something like this: I don’t feel I can do this. I won’t take the job, and eventually it will be hard to even speak up at meetings or in other professional and social settings.

In a whole-life approach to the challenge of public speaking, you will learn how the second part of that statement—and eventually it will be hard to even speak up at meetings or in other social settings—could contain one of many unwanted outcomes. We could remove that second part of the statement and include other possible negative outcomes instead, such as: And eventually it will be hard to raise my hand and ask questions. And eventually it will be hard to face the boss and ask for a pay raise. And eventually it will be hard to speak up and tell it as I see it when needed. In turn, each of those undesirable outcomes will touch other areas of life. If I had not tackled the challenge of becoming an electronics instructor (or the challenge of public speaking in myriad other circumstances), change of some kind would still have happened.

I learned a great deal about how to talk to an audience that year and also how to convey complex information while building rapport with a group of students, a steady audience, one semester at a time. But before any of that, I had to go from being absolutely, positively convinced that I was unable to stand before a class and teach to being completely comfortable and in control as a speaker and a presenter. And that, my friend, is the very path you now find yourself on.

Main points:

•  We are always in the process of becoming, of changing, and we are either growing or getting weaker.

•  With or without our active participation, we are still moving and nearing a destination.

•  If at the moment you don’t see yourself as one who can step up and give a talk to a large audience, you can’t—at least not yet. But as we move along, transformation will continue to happen, leading to your becoming one who can indeed speak to the crowd.

Whole-life approach in focus:

Change is happening all the time regardless of your level of involvement.  The problem is not realizing just how very involved each of us is at every moment in building a future. The path of least resistance is still a path, and you’re still headed somewhere. Whether you do something to change things in the realm of public speaking or you don’t, you are still doing something in the realm of public speaking. Once you internalize this truth, it will make much more sense to invest time and effort in accomplishing something—in your case, becoming one who can speak before a crowd effectively. Not getting involved seems attractive because we think what seems difficult can be postponed without repercussions. If you put this book down right now and never read another page, you are still just as involved in what your ability to communicate tomorrow will look like. It just won’t be what you want it to be.

A Word on Fear

THE MOST SEEMINGLY counterintuitive things can sometimes push us to work hard and go beyond what is requested, expected, or even needed. Sometimes pain is the thing that fuels us to go that extra mile, and there is nothing better than the pain that fear creates to get us in gear and make things happen.

The fear of failure and ridicule in front of coworkers or at a daughter’s wedding reception can be the greatest of motivators propelling you to work hard on fixing the problem. If you are afraid of being seen as incompetent or uninformed, then you value being seen as intelligent and reliable. The fact of the matter is that if you were not apprehensive about speaking before a crowd, you would not feel such an intense pressure to get it right. Sure, it would be nice to be one of the few who doesn’t give it a second thought when standing before a large crowd to speak, but if you are not, fear can actually be a powerful ally. Those without this ally can miss being pushed to even higher levels. The fear of appearing foolish will be a motivator to becoming a great public speaker. You just need to know how to go about it. Let it push you to read this text and study and do what needs to be done. The stronger you become, the weaker the fear will be, but as it slowly loses its grip it will push you across the finish line. Do not ignore it! Otherwise, you may pass up the opportunity to speak altogether, and the consequences of doing that can be far reaching.

Some twenty years ago, while serving in the military, I attended a training aimed to build leadership and communication skills. The training lasted a few weeks and it was many states north of home. There were some forty people in the class, none of whom I had met before, along with the class counselor and the trainers. During the introduction to the course, I scanned the program schedule and, sure enough, there it was. About two-thirds into the training we were to give a presentation before the entire class and the instructors. Apprehension and fear began to whisper doubt in my ear. I barely slept in the days leading up to the presentations. I could not stop thinking about it, and images of disastrous scenarios started grinding me down.

I had to take action. The fear of looking incompetent propelled me to get ready. I started rehearsing in my room, and as the time to present approached I got a small group of classmates together who were also struggling. We presented to each other several times. I had not yet developed some of the techniques covered in this book, which would have made things easier, but I had an ally pushing and motivating me to be the best I could be. The intense fear I felt made me prepare so well that when I gave my presentation I got the sole standing ovation. After a speech, especially if nervous, things can seem like a blur, but I do remember seeing the faces of the instructors, who were standing in the back. They were smiling in satisfaction, letting me know I had hit the mark and reached the class with my message. A classmate approached me later and asked me why I had kept it a secret that I was such a good public speaker. I tend to be on the introverted, shy side of the social spectrum, and apparently it was a surprise to her I was able to pull it off so well.

I have used this technique of practicing with others many times since. There are always other people who struggle with public speaking and who are likely willing to work together on preparing, given the opportunity. But there was a fellow in the class whom I had become friendly with, and you could say he had the opposite problem (maybe a better place to be, but still a problem). Sal was extremely outgoing and seemed quite comfortable in his own skin. The night before presentation day, the class was going back to the base after visiting a museum. Sal was standing up in the middle of the bus talking loudly, laughing and making others laugh. It was then that he said something that blew me away. Sal said he was going to work on his presentation for the very first time that night, or even early in the morning before we all got together in the auditorium! Here I was trying to be spectacular, covering all my bases, preparing relentlessly, trying out my presentation with a group of other students, and Sal had not even started getting ready!

The next day, Sal nonchalantly approached the front of the auditorium to address the crowd. Not surprisingly, given his outgoing personality, he was eloquent and on point. We were all required to use something to aid our presentation, and Sal decided to use . . . an erasable marker. He drew a rectangle on the board and some words around it. Yes, his chosen media aid was a purple erasable marker. The rest of us had PowerPoint presentations, charts, graphs, photos, sounds, and other electronic media, but Sal, well, he had a marker with which he drew a purple rectangle. At least I think it was a rectangle—it was hard to say. Sal had no apprehension whatsoever when speaking before the crowd, and it showed. It was extremely easy for him and probably more a nuisance than anything else. But the fact is Sal’s presentation could have been much better. He got by because he knew he could and as such did not invest much time in preparing.

The problem with Sal wasn’t his gift, but that he took that gift for granted. I’m not sure he even realized he had a gift that many would envy. Unaware of the fear others suffer through, he was unable to appreciate the simplicity of his situation. He could never relate to what I went through, and as nice a guy as he was, he could never help me either. But you know what can help? Fear. Those of us who have fear pushing us, as well as the right instruction book to show the way, will give the audience the information that will help them the most, and will make sure it’s something they won’t soon forget. Whether out of necessity or for some other reason, fear can make us aim high and charge forward.

When I was an instructor, I worked extremely hard to deliver the best lecture I could. I would try to know everything the particular lesson demanded and would go beyond what was required for teaching the class. I couldn’t deal with the idea of being asked something I was unable to answer. I’m sure while I was presenting I made it look easy. I got great reviews from the students, and when it came time for me to make a career move the school pulled out all the stops trying to persuade me to stay. So, instead of letting fear work against you, allow it to motivate you. Perhaps you have been sweating presentations because you want to do an excellent job—and you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. However, much hinges on how you approach the challenge. Apply the tools and techniques in this book and do the work required to deliver an excellent presentation, pushed along by that powerful ally—fear.

Main points:

•  Going down the path of more resistance (working through fear) will yield greater results.

•  Fear will propel you to prepare more, to aim higher, and to shine brighter.

Better Off Dead?

IF YOU FEAR SPEAKING in public, you have come to the right place. From this book, you will learn how to deal with fear by turning it into useful energy for giving presentations. Let the first lesson be this: All communication, whether to one person or to a group, to some extent is linked. Thus, we need to think of speaking from the podium as an extension of the many other ways in which we communicate.

At first glance, not speaking up in a meeting or when sensing something is wrong may seem separate from having trouble behind the lectern. Likewise, any uneasiness behind the lectern may seem completely detached from how you handle yourself with new clients or in social gatherings or even in the way you talk to people you see every day. But the