Ordinary People: Extraordinary Lives

​Chapter 1 - Tom Boneham

Gentle ~ Intrepid ~ Altruistic

Thoughtful ~ Appreciative ~ Commando

TODAY, JUNE 6, 2024, marks the eightieth anniversary of D-Day, a day of significant historical importance. It’s also the day I am taking on the challenge of capturing the Essence of Portrait of my dear friend, Tom Boneham.

I’ve known Tom for nearly twenty years, and he is the epitome of a gentleman. Behind his gentle nature lies a rich tapestry of 101 years filled with stories, life lessons, and friendships. While we can’t delve into every story, we’ll focus on some key themes from the Essence of... series.

Tom has stories worth sharing, especially about his service with the 30 AU Commandos. He enlisted in the army at age eighteen against his father’s wishes. Specifically, his father did not want him to join the Navy because he objected to the sailors’ treatment of young recruits. Tom ended up in the Signal Corps, where he mastered Morse Code at 29 words per minute. His skills eventually led him to the 30 Assault Unit Commandos, a prestigious unit founded by Ian Fleming, the creator of James Bond.

Tom saw action in Sicily and was wounded in a friendly fire incident, a fact he remained unaware of for many years post-war. During his return journey on a medical ship, Tom encountered a poignant moment that reflects his character. His bunkmate was a young German prisoner of war, deeply frightened about the treatment he might face from his captors. To offer comfort, Tom spoke to him about the various destinations he might end up in—England, Canada, or the USA—and assured him that he would be treated kindly.

Despite Tom's efforts to ease his bunkmate's fears, the young man remained anxious, especially when the nurse arrived with pain medication. Noticing the distress on his bunkmate’s face, Tom took the pill from the POW, swallowed it himself, and then handed over his medication. This act of empathy and kindness is a testament to the Tom I know and cherish.

What’s one regret that you have?

Iregret not ever picking and learning a musical instrument.

At some time, you reached a fork in the road. At that time, it didn’t feel like it, but looking back, you realize it was a big moment, one that changed your life. Describe yours.

Reflecting on his life , Tom recalls a pivotal moment when he chose a new path. After World War II, he decided to leave England in search of a better life. Australia was his initial choice, but after learning of the long, almost six-month waiting time for processing applications at the Australian embassy, he wandered past Canada House on his way home.

The warm reception and swift assistance there convinced him to change course and eventually relocate to Canada. The rest is history.

Can you tell us about any challenges you’ve faced that you overcame?

Idon’t want to dwell on anything medical. While not a challenge, what could have been a real accommodation issue over time was resolved in an incredible story involving Tom and his neighbour, Christine Grim. The story highlights the power of mutual respect and friendship. Christine’s dog used to sneak under the fence to visit Tom for treats, leading to a delightful friendship between Tom, Christine, and her four-legged companion. Over time, their bond grew.

When Christine sold her house in Mississauga, she made Tom an offer, which he couldn’t refuse. She would buy a home in Tillsonburg and modify it to include separate quarters for him. Tom accepted the offer, and their friendship has flourished ever since.

What would you tell a younger version of yourself?

Don’t be afraid to take a chance; you’ve got to jump at the opportunity when it presents itself.

Thank you for your service, my friend.

Theme photo: 100 Year age difference

Chapter 2 - Mary Gharghoury

​Spiritual, Resilient, Generous, Independent,

Good Sportsmanship, Joie de Vivre

MARY IS MY GODMOTHER and my dad’s first cousin. She gifted me my first camera. I was eight or nine years old in a hospital in Cairo at the time. I believe they were on their way to Canada.

She and her husband, Emmanuel, were very close to my parents. We would camp on the sandy shores of the Red Sea, where no tree was in sight. When we came to Canada in 1964, we stayed in their apartment for three months. Our first camping trip in Canada was to Algonquin Park; it was momentous for me. The ten-year-old in me had no idea who had the time to plant all these trees. Algonquin Park has been magical ever since.

It is safe to say that Mary has been one of the most instrumental people in my life. She is considered the family matriarch and historian and is adored by everyone. Meet this dynamo in her words.

At some time, you reached a fork in the road. At that time, it didn’t feel like it, but looking back, you realize it was a big moment, one that changed your life. Describe yours.

Looking back over my 95 years, I noticed that, in my adult life, I faced many unexpected circumstances, or ‘forks’, that made me change paths (Bursary, Marriage, the Dictator - Egyptian President Nasser; Emigration, Motherhood, Careers, Retirement, loved ones passing...) However, after a deeper review, I recognized, to my surprise, that all those bifurcations were made possible by one initial ‘fork’, High School Graduation. Rejecting the traditional route taken by all my female cousins (staying at home to be groomed for an arranged marriage), I chose to pursue my studies at the University of Alexandria with the perspective of a future career. That was the big moment that turned my life upside down . My parents encouraged me to try my new wings on that new road alone. (I can still hear my mother’s voice: You are vindicating me.)

My new life at the Faculty of Arts was very challenging. I found myself in a new setting, mingling and mixing with students from different backgrounds. Some became lifelong friends who helped me navigate the university's intricacies. There, I witnessed firsthand what my parents would term ‘Real Life’, thus broadening my horizons.

My first experience happened when I had been barely 2 months in: one day, immersed in a lecture, the classroom door was burst open by a congested-faced student shouting, Fellow Patriots, GET OUT... It scared me stiff. This student had come from the nearby politicized Faculty of Law, and he was rallying our arts students to manifest against a tepid, corrupt government. (It was 1948, and the Arab/Israeli war was on). Later, I understood how easy it is to stir a movement or a revolution through an eloquent speech (of which my friends and I took advantage. When we wanted a day off, we’d ask the eloquent Khadr to provoke a strike). We had understood Politics.

Another experience had been to watch firsthand the effects of hashish on no other but the serious Captain of our field hockey team. He was supported by another student and kept giggling silly at anything pointed out to him. I always describe this sad, degrading image to all the youngsters around me to caution them about the danger of drugs. One of my male friends told me that hashish was used regularly, once a month, by a group of male students to appreciate better the monthly concert given by our national Diva (Om Kalthoum). He also opened his hand to show me a tiny piece of hashish. I quickly discovered many different living experiences with my new friends, who would tell me about their lives, their problems, and the future they hoped to achieve. I was maturing daily, learning to tolerate rather than criticize and reject differences.

On the other side, the French Department developed my intellect. We had five young professors, two of whom became famous internationally as Structuralists and who arrived from France. They introduced us to the latest trends in French literature and criticism (which I used in my Ph.D.) and constantly engaged us in intellectual discussions. They also became close friends, opening the door to the French culture, way of life, and caustic spirit, where my naiveté was often its object. All these interactions prepared me for my future independent life, which diverged drastically from my female cousins. My Licence-es-Lettres opened the door to my teaching career in the public system, and that helped me gain a scholarship to Paris, where I met and married Emmanuel, the love of my life...

I chose to keep the ball of my adult life rolling as smoothly as possible, from fork to fork...

What has been your biggest challenge, and how did you overcome it?

My biggest challenge is physical, and I am still fighting it. I was born with funny feet, and following my mother’s recommendation, I always kept them covered. My right foot had a club foot ailment, and the left had crooked toes. The midwife decreed, at my birth, that I would never be able to walk in my life. My loving parents rejected this diagnosis. They started fighting it with all the medical treatments available at that time: surgery when I was 2 years old, then a cast 10 years later (it made shooting a soccer ball unstoppable). Custom-made shoes helped me walk comfortably... More importantly, my father encouraged me to be physically active and participate in every competition open to children. I remember one race where I ranked 6 th out of 20. Out of breath at the end of the race, I apologized to my parents for not winning. They congratulated me on my efforts and registered me for the following competition.

As I grew older, it was up to me to continue overcoming my challenge. I participated in all the usual recess games at school: running, playing football, and jumping. I even took the lead in climbing the forbidden trees and fences. At university, I played on the basketball team and during the annual sports day, I participated in the obstacle race open to all female students. I received a gold medal, but it was not for winning – it was for losing and laughing at myself (I could not drink a bottle of Coca-Cola fast enough while holding onto my potato sack). I also won a cup for having the best sportsmanship spirit among female students in the Faculty of Arts.

However, after living in Canada for over 60 years without adequate corrective shoes, I felt my feet deteriorating daily, challenging my stability. Yet, I joked that I could dance better than I could walk. (Author’s note – She was the liveliest dancer at a recent family reunion,  at ninety years of age!) I bought a cane and a walker to help me rebound. Now, at 95, I persist in not giving up; I hired a private therapist to help me overcome my challenge and live as normally as possible for a 95-year-old senior.

What is one gem you learned on your journey that you would love to share? Alternatively, what hint would you tell a younger version of yourself? 

Iwas lucky to have wonderful, loving parents who cared for me, chose good schools to develop my intelligence, encouraged my initiative, and helped me learn from my mistakes. They taught me to be an independent, responsible person step by step. I could freely navigate life’s ups and downs thanks to that moral background.

I also believe that if you must give up something, you will receive ten times more in return. This old Middle Eastern saying proved to be accurate at numerous times in my life:

Emmanuel, my mother, and I gave up our beloved Egypt to immigrate to Canada. We were allowed a small amount of money. However, we were ready to face life with courage, and life smiled back in return. It started on the plane where Emmanuel won all contests; then, to our delight, we were allotted first-class seats when we changed planes in Amsterdam. That good omen persisted in Toronto. After struggling for 3 years, we managed to be rewarded: I became a part-time lecturer in French at Glendon College, and Emmanuel did research in an Engineering