Awaken with Hope: The Awaken Saga, #2

Chapter 1: Fountains

How can my life change so dramatically in a mere hour? Then again, I’m in a place where the world is not what it seems. The best idea is to examine this all from the beginning.

Eight years ago, I dedicated my life to following the Christian faith. Accepted my call and set off on the grandest adventure. Ultimately, I discovered that the system in which I tethered my life was nothing more than the ramblings of greed-mongers and false prophets. Three weeks ago, while reeling from the tragic death of my mentor. The Administration of our Denomination set the charges to implode my self-understanding.

Who am I? A simple farm girl who believed she could change the world. Instead, the world changed her. Not for the better, I might add. I’m a train wreck, attempting to pick up the pieces of a shambled existence. My mental stability has been called into question as I deal with the stress, strain, and anxiety left in the wake of my chosen profession. Most days, I question my own reality. What helps is to focus on the things I know for sure.

My name is Drew Masen. I’m thirty-one years old. For the moment, I am the Pastor of Holy Cross and St. James churches in Galien, Colorado. However, as soon as I return from this trip to Las Vegas, my professional status will be unemployed. I intend to tell the Administration what they can do with their lies and judgments.

The dark creature inside makes me believe I am not worth saving. Yet some voice in my head chants I’m worth more than all the treasure in the world. Back on our farm in Colorado, my parents do not understand my predilection toward a life outside their dusty country roads. They do love me nonetheless.

Friends I collected over my lifetime are confident I can be saved through sheer determination and loyalty. They are the ones who planned this wacky ambush. My best friend Lexi dragged me, kicking and screaming, to Las Vegas. She needed the entire company to awaken me from the darkness. Each gave me gifts of their loyalty, like breadcrumbs, to guide me home. Following the trial, I discovered so much more than I anticipated.

In a place where illusions are a reality, I found the one thing I thought was lost forever. The occurrence has not settled. These strong, warm hands around my fingers tell me this is no dream. Proof recovery is possible. My white knight remains unwavering after discovering the demon inhabiting my dark soul.

Robert Darcy and I walk along the quiet path from my hotel, The Flamingo. This changes when we are out on the crowded street. The Strip, as the world recognizes the properties. Our pace meanders in the hustle towards the pedestrian flyovers. We are headed to the Bellagio, where he attends a Media Communications Conference in the Digital Age. My friends, Oliver and Ann, are waiting for me at the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art.

I glance at Rob’s now serene expression. A hint of a smile plays at the corners of his lips. His well-proportioned frame is quickly becoming my safe harbor. Dark Auburn hair smolders in the afternoon sun. Dimples grow in his chiseled cheeks, giving his Adonis face a cherub quality. A compassionate soul harkens from the depths of those stormy green eyes.

Penny, for your thoughts.

Oh, nothing. He chuckles. I’m replaying my earlier discussion with Colt.

The blood rushes to my cheeks at the mention of one of my closest friends. I catch Rob glancing down at me from the corner of his eye. How am I going to play this off? He must think I’m so not worth all this hassle. Not with the knowledge I revealed moments ago. Not to mention how significant a pain in the ass my friends are.

I can’t quite describe the incident. The corners of his lips turn down in heavy concentration. Colt got solemn, starting in with his protector act again.

Rob grins at his thought before attempting his best imitation of Colt, including hand gestures.

There are places in West Texas where somebody could go missing, and nobody would notice. If you do one thing to break our little darlin’s heart...it might become your permanent address.

Rob pauses, taking a breath and pulling his Black Ray-Bans down his nose so I stare into his dynamic green eyes.

Any idea what he is talking about, sweetheart?  

Sort of; Colt’s been making threats for years. But I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure the ranch is overflowing by now.

My knight lifts me. Disrupting the flow of sidewalk traffic, he spins me around. A squeal of delight escapes from my throat.

Am I to assume I’m next on the hit list, eh.

Exactly! Terrified?

Hardly! He scoffs, setting me back down on my feet. Must be a small ranch?

Tiny...I’ll take you some time.

The picture of Colt’s three thousand five hundred acres ranch fills my mind, causing another round of laughter to bubble to the surface.  

Next summer, perhaps. I assume the wedding will be there.

I root to the earth. My free hand shoots reflexively over my open mouth. 

What?  

I’m sure we’ll visit the ranch when we go down to the wedding.

"Robert! Colt and Mary Clare are not engaged."

Oh? His fingers run through his tousled hair, making the expression on his face even funnier. Might be why Colt’s carrying a ring in his pocket. 

That’s what he tried to tell me when they left? 

Rob’s smile only widens. His fingers brush my cheek, though I barely detect his touch. The world shifts until the crowd around us morphs into a dark tunnel. My mind falters. I stand motionless, my face turning white. My wayward brain summons Colt’s words once more. Mary Clare’s future is well in hand.

Colt wanted to tell you himself, but he couldn’t without tipping Mary Care off. So after Colt’s speech... Rob rolls his eyes. And I clarified how genuine my intentions are. He gave me this assignment.

Rob’s eyes hold a strange countenance. The mesmerizing expression resonates deep in my soul. Recognition dawns like the morning.

Mary Clare distinguished this during lunch. Lexi witnessed the same upstairs. I identified the sentiment but elected to deny such nonsense. Oh, My God! It’s true. Colt’s blissful plans and Robert’s guise bring Mary Clare’s prognostication to the surface of my consciousness.

I have seen that look on other guys’ faces before, and there is only one end. There is a ring and a dress in the girl’s future. Every single time...it is a proven fact. Rob is totally head over heels in love with you.

I shake my head, flinging Mary Clare’s voice from my mind.

How can she be right? One day is not enough to consider this anything but a crush. Love needs something more tangible than detected in a mere meeting. However, this might be like though. Yes. Possibly Robert really...really likes me.

Drew...SWEETHEART...? An anxious tone resonates in Rob’s voice when I come back to reality. Rob shakes me gently. Drew...Breathe!

A loud gasp comes from my chest as my eyes refocus on Rob’s anxious face. Relief filters through his features before those stunning eyes lock with mine. His hands adhere to my shoulders.

Sorry.

Don’t do that. I’m not sure my heart can take it.

He yanks me into his chest like I’m the lifeline on a buoy. His heart thrums an up-tempo number in my ear.

If you’re going to zone out, keep breathing.

I’ll try, Rob. Sorry.  

The world evaporates for a better reason. My arms tighten as his body begins to relax.  He slides my hand into his elbow when his heart slows to a more measured rate.

Now, I’ll need to stay until I’m confident you’re out of danger.

He winks as we step onto the escalators on the Bellagio side of the street. My cheeks go rosy, then flush pale almost instantaneously as the blood rushes from my head all over again. I hope Robert didn’t sense the change. A signal of another anxiety attack is on the horizon.

What if we stop at the fountains? He questions appreciatively. I heard water is a calming influence.

Rob tries to brighten my world with a smile. The sentiment needed does not reach the whole of his face. The demon inside sneers from the void. All this works to the fiend’s advantage. He’s worried you’re too much of a hassle. He’s playing along until he gets you back to where he can dump you.

I quiet the creature. If he were going to dump me, he would have back in the bushes. No, Robert is here for a while. I can’t push this too far, too fast. I smile up at him before rolling my eyes at his anxious glance. Rob’s going to be worse than Oliver if I’m not careful. He’s going to need to be placated like Oliver, too.

Rob, I’m fine, honest.

I’m not buying it. Your face is as pale as when we went into the restaurant. His free hand comes to my cheek as he chuckles. Besides, we have a little time before I’m due back.

We wander farther down the sidewalk in silence. Every few steps, my vision returns to Rob’s profile. My brain is unable to comprehend what is going on. Nearing one of the viewing platforms, my eyes narrow in Rob’s direction.

You’re stalling.

Possible, His lips hold a salacious grin. Does this bother you?

No. I’m trying to figure all this out.

Rob leans against the ledge. His face sobers while his hands hug my hips.

What troubles you, sweetheart?

As I stare at him, an earnest expression presses on me, summoning my courage.

Why do you want any part of this madness? What do you find in this shattered mess worth salvaging? I swallow against the pain the demon inside conjures. This is not your fight, and yet, you stay. Every time I believe...this...this is the moment you’ll run...you don’t. I...I...I’m damaged, broken, possibly beyond repair. Yet you gaze at me as if I’m some prize to be won.

My life’s not all wine and roses either, sweetheart.

His head turns down, staring into the water with watchful eyes. Finally, they return to my face with a tender expression. He takes my hand, playing with my fingers.

You may be broken at this moment. Nevertheless, you won’t always be damaged. I see how beautiful you are, and this keeps me rooted.

He slides me into his arms, and I revel in the sensation of being whole.

Pain creates a vacuum inside people. A gaping hole where nothing but the darkness can reside. Your heart is still within you, sweetheart. Along with many other pleasant things you don’t acknowledge right now. I’m in awe of how your compassion radiates from you like a beacon.

I roll my eyes. Rob chuckles.

You choose not to acknowledge it because the pain obscures your vision. When you heal, you will see it again. I bet you experience little shots of it today.

I bury my face into his chest. His arms tighten around my frame while his hand makes small circles on my back. I want nothing more than to trust his words. Still, the agony, the beast inside, refuses to release my hope.

Sweetheart, sometimes darkness is beneficial. In the dark, we learn who we are. We become stronger.

His hand raises, brushing his knuckles down my cheek. The same electrical current runs through me as it did in the Conservatory.

I can tell you’re not afraid of the dark either. Your passion gives you courage, gives you light. You think you are alone. You assume this is the only way to face the demons haunting you. His thumb brushes my lower lip. Your friends want to stand with you. Yet you won’t lean on them. Why is this? Do you believe they can’t handle it? That the only way is to be alone? I bet it is the same reason you fight me, too?

A smirk crosses his face. I turn away. Like this will keep him from examining my soul. Rob seizes my face in both his hands, making the maneuver impossible. His blue-green eyes burn with a passion I don’t comprehend.

You won’t believe me, but this is the absolute truth. My reason to stay is rooted in the most fundamental of all reasons. I’m already in love with you.

I stand in inane shock. Those ill-conceivable words reverberate in my skull. Did he say he loves me? How? Why? My body goes numb as I shut down.

The beast’s chuckle echoes through the void. This thing is doomed from the start. You found someone crazier than you are.

You have known me a day. How can you love me?  

For much of my adult life, I hoped to find the love I perceived in my parents. The expression I catch in my brother’s eyes when he stares at his Meghan. In them is a love that will stand the test of time. All these years passed, and never once did I find what I hoped. I began to accept that love had passed me by or had become a lost ethos in our world. For years, I was content. I accepted my life was as good as it would be. I didn’t want anything because I didn’t think anything else was possible.

Rob’s mood holds a somber note but slowly is replaced, like ice melting away from a river in springtime. The heat of his desire flashes across him like lightning out of a clear blue sky. The electricity inside my system spikes. My breath hitches, not in the typically painful way, but in exhilaration.

In our generation, love at first sight is a myth. Nothing more than a bad practical joke. For the jaded of this century, it is almost...inconceivable.

He draws a breath, closing his eyes. Rob’s words are challenging for me to hear and more difficult to accept as his.

Something. His eyes return to mine boldly, connecting us deeper. In that moment...when I heard your sigh. My soul changed. Deep at my core, a shift occurred. Substantial, unchangeable, I will never be the same. My heartbeat so fast, I fear it might shudder to halt.

He pauses, sweeping my hair behind my ear. His intimate action scares the creature back to the void, strengthening my own heartbeat.

Ages have passed since I experienced the blood racing in my veins, and yet the moment I saw you...it was like...like I recognize your features without ever viewing them.

He is wistful, gazing out at the water.

A tension gripped my chest when I left. It didn’t fade until I was seated next to you.

He closes his eyes, lowering his head as if in prayer.

Your voice, a sweet melody, awakened me from the apathy. Until then, I was sure you were a hallucination.

His eyes return to mine, burning radiant green into dark brown.

And when we kissed... my heart felt complete. For the first time, I understand the world around me. Distinguish my purpose. I am meant to love you.

I stare at his contented face in disbelief. No matter how much I try. I cannot deny the comfort I find in him.

How can you be sure this is love and not something else?

I can’t. All I have to go on is an impression. This emotion is formidable. I can’t unearth the words to describe what’s inside. His forehead comes to rest on mine. Drew, I don’t expect you to say you love me in return. I don’t expect you to say anything. Promise me you’ll stop trying to push me away. I want to find out if we are both in this or if I am out of my mind.  

I wish for some pithy comeback. With no voice in my throat, I nod a response through my tears. His answering smile blinds me. Before I understand, he tilts his head, kissing the tip of my nose first. Then he kisses away the tears running down both of my cheeks. He presses the softest, sweetest kiss on my lips. The healing power breaks the cave of darkness, shining the light into the deepest recesses. Portions of my brokenness fuse, creating a partial repair.

Due to my grief, the beast inside will not exorcize. The possibility can only come with the rebuke of my tormentors. Though I now have a champion, this war must be waged alone.

The music begins on the fountains as the water cannons spout their aquatic artistry. Both Rob and I turn in our embrace, watching the beautiful ballet unfold. Pure excitement dances inside.

The euphoria reminds me once more of how much time I have wasted. Years I’ll never get back. They flow on the beast’s melancholy, but my sadness continues to ebb. Inside Rob’s arms, I am resurrected. I may not be able to reverse the past, but this will not stop me from living what time is left on the earth.

A fit of giggles escapes me as the water shoots high into the air. Rob squeezes me with amusement. At the end of the performance, my lungs release the last bit of their severe stress. For the first time in who knows how long, I take pleasure in the fact I'm alive. The last time I felt this buoyant was four years ago, in this exact spot. The crew and I came to celebrate my graduation from Boston. The last time I remember remotely being myself.

Seven bodies lean against the balustrade as the first water column shoots forty feet into the air. A squeal of delight breaks the warm night as the sounds of Elvis croon through the covert sound system. The three sets of couples surround me like the spokes on a hub. All are connecting through me.

Ann and Oliver stare at the water to my right, pointing things out as the lights change below the surface. Colt sings along in Mary Clare’s ear as she is tethered to him by his arms. On my left, Lexi leans, taking a picture of the group in profile. Dan wraps his arm around her shoulder. Beyond them, Joshua is kissing Samantha for the hundredth time today. Maybe they’ll be less affectionate in public once married, but I highly doubt it.

I take a sip of the beer in my hand. My eyes follow the water, waving back and forth as if the hotel is saying goodbye to my carefree days. In two weeks, I’ll be Pastor Mason. An intern at St. Matthew’s Church in Hudson. But for this moment, I am Drew, a happy young woman in her favorite place in the entire world. With the soul family, she found in college.

There’s my girl, Rob’s voice pulls me out of my auspicious reverie. I attempt to understand what he recognizes. Not discovering anything, I choose to go with the flow.

The fountains always bring out my joy. For me, there is grace reflected in the water. This emotion is cultivated here, but today, I’m noticing someone else can produce the same result.

I glance up at him through my lashes, finding a smoldering expression that can bring one to their knees.

Useful information, He smiles, checking his wristwatch, and the smile disappears.

You need to go?

Rob nods, Unfortunately, yes. We’re out of time, sweetheart.

In silence, we walk hand and hand back to the crossroads of the