The Guest is a Goner: Sedona Spirit Cozy Mysteries, #1

CHAPTER 1

After a brief brush with death, it felt good to be home.

I sighed with relief as I exited the shuttle, stretch my legs and studied my house, Bernadette's Bed and Breakfast, nestled in the beautiful Red Rock mountain town of Sedona, Arizona. The summer was almost upon us, and the sun shone brightly in the sky, warming my face. I dragged my suitcase behind me up the walk, exhausted from my near-death experience and the long trip home. When I entered, I found my best friend, Darla Darling, who owned Darling's Diner in town, waiting for me.

Hey! she called, standing from the sofa and setting down the magazine she'd been reading. I'm so glad you're home!

Me, too, I said as she hugged me while I studied the living room.

Not a speck of dust on the fireplace mantle or side tables, and not a cushion out of place on the two high-back flowered sofas facing each other, placed in front of the fireplace. She'd taken care of my house while I'd been out of town at my cousin's wedding in Louisiana.

Everything has gone great, she said, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. She glanced over me as a mother would—head-to-toe. You've got one guy up in room two, but other than that, it's been pretty quiet.

Sounds good. I fell onto one of the sofas. When did he check in?

Darla took her spot on the other couch. This morning. I haven't seen him at all. He's been very quiet. I think his name is Gonzalez.

I nodded, liking him without even meeting him. The last thing I wanted was a needy customer, and I actually appreciated the other two suites weren't taken. Yes, I needed the money, but right then, a bath and twelve hours in my own bed outweighed everything.

Are you feeling okay, Bernie?

I sat up and sighed. I feel fine. It's like it never happened.

The 'it' I referred to was being struck by lightning. The whole trip to see my cousin get married in Louisiana had been a disaster. A bolt of lightning came out of the sky and zapped me good. Thankfully, I didn't suffer any major injuries, but they insisted on keeping me in the hospital for two days for observation. I’d been more terrified than hurt.

I can't believe that happened to you, Darla said, shaking her head. It's just so scary.

To put it mildly.

It was, but I can put it behind me. I wasn’t hurt. I yawned loudly, hoping she'd take the hint. I loved my friend, but I wanted to be left alone. Where's my cat?

She's pouting in your room.

The moody feline, Elvira, hated when I left her. The last time I'd been gone a few days, she'd torn one of my blouses—well, my only blouse—to shreds. Thankfully, we kept things pretty casual in Sedona and jeans and T-shirts were the norm, so I hadn't even been that upset. However, if she'd ruined one of my vintage eighties shirts, we would have had some issues. No one messed with my Back to the Future or Breakfast Club shirts.

Elvira is weird, Bernie. This morning she sat on the couch and looked like she was tracking something. At first I thought it was a fly, but there wasn't anything there. It's like she was watching someone walk around. She gave me the creeps.

I've seen her do the same thing, I replied. I found it unsettling as well, but most of the time it was easy to ignore her.

You did have one problem while you were gone, Darla said. I told one couple that the house was haunted—as you directed—and they didn't believe me. The next morning, during breakfast, they said they smelled marijuana, and they didn't appreciate me blowing smoke through the vents to try to get them high and hallucinate.

Despite my exhaustion, I burst out laughing. The thought of Darla smoking weed was almost as funny as me doing the same. We were both pretty straight-laced and the worst thing we did was have a glass of wine on Friday nights. Working out daily, practicing meditation and yoga, and eating well were our rules to live by. You wouldn't catch me dead polluting my body with marijuana, and certainly not Darla.

Oh, for goodness sake, I said, wiping my eyes. The strange odors that seemed to waft out of nowhere had never been explained, but being accused of something so ludicrous... well, that was a first.

Yes. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough, Darla said with a giggle.

So what else has been going on? I asked, standing and stretching my arms over my head. Do you want some tea?

Yes, I was tired, but Darla wouldn't leave until she spilled on everything I'd missed. Might as well enjoy some peppermint tea while we were at it.

Sure. I'll come help you.

As I fired up the stove and put on the kettle, she told me about a desert Jeep tour that had gone particularly bad. The whole family was in the Jeep while Jack was giving the tour.

Where were they? I asked. Still on city streets or up in the mountains?

Completely off road. Anyway, Jack was giving his spiel and didn't hear the family ask him to stop. The kid, who was about six, threw up down the back of his shirt.

Eww!

I know. It was awful. He ended the tour early and pulled into the parking area, ran to the back of the building, and began hosing himself down. To make matters worse, the family then decided to come into the diner and eat. That poor kid was green until he curled up in the booth and went to sleep.

With Sedona being a tourist town, the business owners kept in touch and also scrutinized the comings and goings of the visitors. Darla knew that since her diner sat next door to the parking lot of Jumping Jack Jeep Tours, chances were good they'd stop into her place if they finished their tour close to lunch or dinner. She and Jack often compared notes on his reservations so she knew how many people to staff in the coming days.

When I had customers interested in Jeep Tours, I always suggested they book through Jack, and he gave me a small percentage for the referral. I also highly recommended they eat at Darla's, especially if they raved over breakfast. The tourists didn't know it, but Darla provided my establishment with the morning meal every single day because I couldn't cook to save my life. If they liked her bacon, eggs, croissants and blueberry muffins, they'd certainly enjoy her tuna melt or roast beef sub. We were a close-knit community.

I grabbed some mugs from the cabinet and set them on the counter. The kettle whistled, and I poured the hot water over the peppermint tea bags. Let's go back into the living room.

Did your cousin ever end up getting married? Darla asked, sipping her tea as we sat down. Or did you getting hit by lightning stop the nuptials?

Yes. We talked on my way home from the airport, and they tied the knot last night.

That's a crazy story, Bernie. I can’t believe you were struck.

I know. The chaos was really something else. And frankly, it wasn’t something I wanted to spend anymore time thinking about.

We chatted a few more minutes, then my phone dinged, letting me know someone had made a reservation. I picked up the device and noted Mr. and Mrs. Thompson would be checking in later in the day.

Are the other rooms ready? I asked, hitting a button to confirm their booking.

Darla shook her head. I didn't have time. I came here first thing in the morning for breakfast and checkouts, then ran over to the diner, and back here again. When you walked in, it was the first time I'd sat down in three days.

Oh, jeez, I said, grimacing. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you keeping me afloat here while I was gone.

Of course. However, you do need to clean those rooms. The guy who checked in today took the last clean one.

I better get up there and start scrubbing, I said, wishing I could simply crawl into bed.

No rest for the weary.

None. Do you think the new guy has any interest in sunset yoga?

I'm positive he doesn't, Darla said. He's middle aged, a little on the heavy side, and came in with one of the smoothies from Sarah's topped with whipped cream.

A seriously broad generalization of who would like yoga and who wouldn't, but I was so tired, I was going to assume she was correct.

Sarah's Sensational Smoothies catered to every taste. I preferred the lemongrass and blueberry smoothies with extra probiotics, but she also offered the ones loaded with sugar, fat and flavoring, or as Jack called them, nectar of the gods. Probably not a downward dog guy, then.

I'm going to say no on that one.

Sunset yoga was something I offered my guests during the spring and summer months if they requested it. Laying out yoga mats on the balcony facing east, I ran them through a forty-five-minute session. It wasn't something I advertised, but they were notified of the option upon check-in.

I'll let you get to your rooms, Darla said. I have to get back to the diner and make sure the dinner meal prep is going smoothly.

We stood and hugged once again, and I walked her to the front door. Thanks again, Darla. Really.

You owe me big time, she called as she waved over her shoulder.

And I did. It would be a tough repayment as well. She'd gone above and beyond what I could have hoped for.

After shutting the door, I listened to the silence of the house. I'd inherited the building when my grandmother died three years ago. It hadn't been a B&B then, but I quickly realized if I wanted to keep it and live in Sedona, I'd need to generate some income because I wasn't exactly bathing in cash being a yoga instructor. With three bedrooms upstairs, each with their own bathroom, and a master bedroom downstairs, I hung out my B&B shingle and began a little online advertising. To my utter surprise, I did quite well.

A small part of me wanted to sell the house, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My grandmother had been beautifully crazy and I had many fond memories of her that made me smile. I wasn't quite ready to say goodbye.

I dragged my suitcase through the living room and down the hall to my private residence. After opening the door fully—I always left it cracked in case Elvira wanted to escape the main house—I glanced around. The sunny yellow comforter hung on the bed with precision, while the yellow and green throw pillows lined up across the headboard like perfect little soldiers. A wooden rocking chair sat in the corner next to the dresser, adjacent to a window. Curling up in the white blanket and sitting in the chair while reading was one of my favorite things to do in the winter, especially when it snowed. Matching yellow curtains kept the room bright and sunny, even during those miserable winter months.

Elvira? I called. I'm home. Nothing. She was probably hiding under the bed. When you're done being upset with me, come out. I'd love a good cuddle with you.

After dumping everything in my suitcase into the dirty clothes basket, I returned to the living room and headed up the staircase, noting the banister needed a good oiling and the third stair squeaked. I'd have to call in a someone to fix that.

I pulled some sheets from the hallway closet and hurried into the first bedroom suite. Done in ocean blue, it was my favorite room, besides my own. The previous guests had been neat, and clean-up was over quickly. After scrubbing the bathroom, dusting the dresser, making the bed and vacuuming, I picked up the dirty sheets and towels and glanced around critically, searching for anything out of place. All my reviews online mentioned the cleanliness of my establishment, and I worked hard to maintain that reputation.

Thank goodness you're finally home, a voice from the hallway called. Where the heck have you been?

My spine stiffened and goosebumps prickled over my skin. I knew that voice.

I know you won't answer me, you never do, but I'm glad to see you. It's been as boring as watching grass grow around here, Bernie. I wish you'd find more interesting friends than that Darla Darling. She's nice and all, but sheesh! What a snoozer she is. Her name certainly doesn't do her justice.

The faint smell of marijuana met my nose as I slowly turned around... and came face-to-face with my dead grandmother.

CHAPTER 2

A scream stuck in my throat as I slapped my hand over my mouth and stared at her standing in the doorway, a purple muumuu covering her thin frame. Her long gray hair was parted down the middle and pulled into a ponytail at her nape. "With a name like Darla Darling, you’d think she’d be a stripper