A Night with the Knight of the Burning Pestle

Francis Beaumont

and Julie Bozza

A Night with

the Knight of

the Burning Pestle

Full of Mirth and Delight

LIBRAtiger

Smashwords Edition

Published by LIBRAtiger 2019

ISBN: 978-1-925869-14-9

First published by Manifold Press 2017

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Text: © Julie Bozza 2019

Proof-reading and line editing: Zee of Two Marshmallows | twomarshmallows.net

Editor: Fiona Pickles, Manifold Press

eBook format: © Julie Bozza 2019

Cover image: © WaffleBoo | iStockphoto.com

Cover design: © Julie Bozza 2019

Characters and situations described in this book are fictional and not intended to portray real persons or situations whatsoever; any resemblances to living individuals are entirely coincidental.

libra-tiger.com | juliebozza.com

Table of Contents

Introduction

Acknowledgements

The Knight of the Burning Pestle

The Speakers’ Names

Backstage: the half and quarter calls

Induction

Backstage: the tiring house

Act One

Interlude 1

Backstage: the green room

Act Two

Interlude 2

Backstage: the service yard

Act Three

Backstage: the men’s dressing room

Interlude 3

Act Four

Backstage: a corridor

Interlude 4

Act Five

Epilogue

The Jig

Backstage and Beyond

About Julie Bozza

Introduction

My editor’s first response after reading this story was to describe it as a love-letter to the play and to the whole theatrical experience. I’m delighted that my love shone through so clearly!

My presentation of the intertwining plots of Francis Beaumont’s play The Knight of the Burning Pestle, however, may not be quite so clear without a brief introduction. I promise there are no spoilers here, but if you would prefer to jump right in, please feel free to go right ahead.

Meanwhile, for the rest of us! In Beaumont’s play, two Citizens – the grocer George and his wife Nell – along with their apprentice Rafe, have come to the theatre to see a play called The London Merchant. The three of them sit down in the audience, as if they were regular punters. A few lines into The London Merchant’s Prologue, however, George leaps to his feet and protests. He’s tired of these new-fangled city comedies which joke at the expense of good, honest merchants. Instead, George wants an old-fashioned tale of chivalry and adventure.

When the boy speaking the Prologue protests that they can’t very well interrupt their play, and in any case there’s no one available to present such scenes, Nell suggests that Rafe take on the part. This is grudgingly agreed to, for the sake of peace. Rafe is dubbed the Knight of the Burning Pestle, and his ‘impromptu’ scenes are performed between the rehearsed scenes. Thus we have two plays unfolding within a play, with commentary and constant interruptions from the Citizens, who remain in the audience throughout.

If that all sounds a little confusing, well … it is! And the confusion actually becomes one of the delights of the play, both on the page and on the stage.

The London Merchant’s story features Jasper, apprentice to the merchant Venturewell. Jasper is in love with his master’s daughter, Luce, and she loves him, too – but Venturewell has another, far richer suitor in mind for her: the foppish Humphrey.

Meanwhile, Jasper’s family are in turmoil. His father, Old Master Merrythought, is a carefree soul who does nothing but sing all day. They are down to their last few shillings, and Mistress Merrythought is at her wits’ end. Jasper will want his inheritance so he can marry Luce, but his mother is determined that the little she has managed to scrape together will all go to her younger, favoured son, Michael.

Meanwhile, in The Knight of the Burning Pestle, Rafe recruits a squire and a page, and heads off to adventures in Waltham Forest (to the north-east of London city). Here he encounters not only a dangerous giant, but also Mistress Merrythought, Michael and other characters from The London Merchant – and so the two plays interweave delightfully.

Adding a great deal of hilarity to the mix, the characters in The London Merchant sometimes react to the ongoing confusion in character and sometimes as the actors, who are (naturally enough!) frustrated and annoyed at their play being usurped.

In telling this story, I wrapped yet another layer around the whole, featuring Dale and Topher, the two actors who play Rafe and Jasper, and following them and the rest of the cast backstage.

Phew!

I should add for the scholars among you that I have taken a few liberties with Beaumont’s text, paring back some of the scenes and speeches, and sometimes updating the language. My goal was to convey the essentials to a modern audience as smoothly as possible, while trying to maintain the immersive experience of watching the play itself.

The largest liberty I took was turning the Citizen George into Georgiana. Also, I felt it was unnecessarily confusing that Rafe’s page was also named George, so I renamed him Frank.

To conclude at last: I had a great deal of fun writing this story, and can only hope you’ll have just as much fun reading it.

#

Acknowledgements

With ardent thanks to the Sam Wanamaker Playhouse, artistic director Dominic Dromgoole, and director Adele Thomas, for introducing me to The Knight of the Burning Pestle, via two wonderfully riotous productions in 2014. Thank you also to Camilla Imperiali and Catherine Walker of the Friends office, for helping appease my curiosity about the SWP, and to Philip Milnes-Smith of the Globe Library and Archive for letting me re-live the KBP experience. Any mistakes or infelicities in how I’ve staged this play in their beautiful Playhouse are, of course, entirely my own.

I consulted a few different texts, but am particularly grateful to the very thorough Revels Plays edition, edited by Sheldon P. Zitner (2004).

With thanks also to the wonderful vibrant overwhelming city of London. Love is the only way to know you.

But most of all, thank you to Francis Beaumont, who wrote this play in 1607 at the age of 23. I am in awe of this glorious early-modern post-modern mash-up, and I’ve loved working with it. Even though I remain a tad amazed at my own presumption.

# # #

The Speakers’ Names

Georgiana, citizen of London and grocer

Nell, wife to Georgiana

Rafe, apprentice grocer and sometime Knight of the Burning Pestle; played by Dale

The London Merchant

Sam, who speaks the prologue, dances and sings

Venturewell, merchant

Jasper, apprentice to Venturewell; played by Topher

Luce, daughter to Venturewell; played by Verity

Humphrey, friend to Venturewell and suitor for Luce; played by Jeremy, a Celebrity

Mistress Merrythought, mother to Jasper

Michael, younger brother of Jasper

Old Master Merrythought, father to Jasper

The Knight of the Burning Pestle

Tim, a squire

Frank, a dwarf

Sundry others, including: a tapster; a host; a barber; a messenger; various serving boys; four men to carry a coffin

And featuring: Pompiona, daughter to the King of Moldavia

#

Backstage

Did we ever work out what this play is about? asked Topher.

"You’re asking me now? Dale retorted with a mild sense of outrage that was mostly feigned. It’s our last show!"

Better late than never.

We’re going on in a minute.

In thirty minutes, Topher quietly replied.

"Seriously."

They were sitting in their corner of the men’s dressing room, each at his own table – at right angles and far too often at cross purposes. Dale leant in to shoot Topher a fiery look via the reflections in their mirrors. Not that Dale would let Topher rattle him, of course. The friendly repartee they shared was generally for real, and the less good-natured niggling was usually for display purposes only. Dale knew that Topher knew that for Dale the work came first, and if Topher went too far, Dale would simply shut him out.

Topher finished off his make-up, and then tended to his hair with his usual slapdash though effective method: he ran his hands back over his hair to smooth it down, before pushing his fingers up through his fringe so it stood from his forehead with rakish charm. They couldn’t use hairspray or certain kinds of gel due to the stage being lit by beeswax candles, but Topher had found some kind of uninflammable product that he swore he loved even more than his regular brand. Dale hadn’t had the same luck in finding a replacement for his usual stuff – but then, he was playing the innocent dork as opposed to the romantic lead, so it didn’t matter very much if his hair was rather a shambles.

That smug git Topher was now lounging back in his chair, swivelling it halfway towards Dale and meeting his gaze from over Dale’s shoulder, via Dale’s mirror. They were both mostly dressed already. Topher had only to slip on the boots and doublet of his Jacobean-era costume, and Dale was lacking only his modern-day jacket and shoes. They were in plenty of time. But now that Dale considered him properly, he found that Topher actually seemed quite pensive – which was a tad alarming when Topher’s default setting was usually to look rather pleased with himself. Dale eyed Topher’s reflection with a caution that no doubt Topher could read. But Dale said nothing.

Eventually, Topher remarked, with an edge to his overly casual tone, Our last show, eh?

Dale made a noncommittal sound that Topher could take as agreement if he wished.

Are we going to celebrate in the same way as before?

Dale froze. I thought we’d agreed – he found himself whispering fiercely, before grinding to a halt. He didn’t need to state the obvious. I thought we’d agreed on professional. He was this close to grabbing up the nearest thing to hand, spinning in his chair, and throwing it at the insufferably beautiful bastard. The beautifully insufferable bastard. The nearest thing would have been his half-full mug of tea, Dale noted, which would have made a decent dent in Topher’s skull, and stained his character’s white shirt as well.

After a long, still moment, Dale forced himself to shift in his chair. He checked his foundation in the mirrors, and then leaned close to apply eyeliner along each lower lid. Once he was done, Dale took the opportunity to glance casually across the rest of the dressing room, and was relieved to see the other guys at a distance, all minding their own business. Then Dale sat back and considered the overall effect of his hair and makeup with a pretence of satisfaction.

Topher wasn’t satisfied. That much was clear from his sour expression and slumped shoulders. No, he muttered, turning away. Didn’t think so.

It had been months since they’d last worked together – almost a year, now Dale thought about it. Almost a year since they’d parted, with a handshake and (surely!) an unspoken agreement that gentlemen neither tell nor ask for second helpings. Dale had thought the past was safely in the past, despite the occasional crackle of tension between them when they’d met up again during the read-through and rehearsals. But perhaps he’d been wrong about that.

At least they were both too professional to let it affect the show. Topher stood now, and stepped around to face Dale