Find Peace on Purpose

PREFACE

Peace on Purpose and the Wisdom Time Circle

A little bit about me and how I discovered Peace on Purpose in my life. 

I was born in New York City in 1966, the third daughter in an Italian American family. My grandparents emigrated to NY from Italy in the early 1900’s bringing with them the cherished capacity for love from the hearts of my cousins in Italy.  The first thirteen years of my life were lived in the Bronx, New York, where I made lifelong friends. 

Subsequently, I moved to Westchester County, New York; graduated college in 1988 and got married in 1989, when I was working as a legal assistant. By 1996, living in Los Angeles, raising two of my three kids, I had a flexible job as a massage therapist, which is how I spent years learning to be quiet and listen to silence. 

Motherhood revealed where the holes were in my emotional and mental development. In December 1996, I began a formal journey of self-discovery through Woman Within International, engaging in the retreat weekend and subsequent Empowerment Circles with women who changed my inner and outer world for the better Womanwithin.org

I sat with women in circle similarly to how our ancestors have for millennia. I received deep listening and began to get acquainted with the leader within me.  It was time to start leading myself. It was during this time that nonsense began revealing its transformative qualities to me. The idea that being uncomfortable provided the B.S. I could use to fertilize a new way of thinking. I was taught to speak using I statements so to use language that conveyed that I was taking responsibility for my state of mind and heart. 

Instead of You hurt me when you didn’t call! I learned to say, I felt hurt when I didn’t get a call from you. This opened a new way of being for me and became the foundation for personal growth. As an aside. The first drafts of this book were written in the I viewpoint.  My editor suggested the we perspective which I switched to though it goes against my natural inclination.  I use the we form to embrace that I believe we are in this together.  It is NOT my intention to speak for you directly.

Through Woman Within I learned about the spiritual psychology master's degree at the University of Santa Monica (USM). In 1998 I enrolled in the USM’s Masters in Spiritual Psychology and extended the degree to include Counseling Psychology. (Universityofsantamonica.edu). 

At the conclusion of year one, I was tasked with writing a paper explaining my own personal theory of counseling or consulting. I chose a circle compass approach, with human development life stages correlating to the four cardinal points, as a pathway to reclaim, reframe, reconcile and realign parts of my life.  In May of 1999 I submitted my work, entitled The Way of the Sacred Directions. This was the birth of what would later be called Peace on Purpose.

In September 2003, a week before my third child was born, I completed grad school. As the years and family demands progressed, I let go of the dream of becoming a licensed counselor.  Support, finances and timing did not align in favor of it. Maybe I didn’t push hard enough for me?  It was an unfortunate decision, for sure. One that continues to fertilize my learning and inspire self-forgiveness. 

Through the years I admonished myself for not finishing the internship to get licensed which actively created negative self-talk.  I have said some very mean things to myself as a result.  Not having that license limited my eligibility for employment.  I have learned to forgive myself, trust the process and acknowledge how much I appreciate me, being me.

It had been my dream in grad school to one day have an organization that rescued dogs and worked with foster kids. In fall of 2010 I stumbled upon Wolf Connection Human Empowerment Programs.  When I learned about the mission, I thought I had found my forever home to be of

service and I began to volunteer.  I went from volunteer in 2011 to COO in 2017.  After a few years I was leading programs and was confronted with the amazing opportunity to execute the Way of the Sacred Directions or rather the Peace on Purpose journey with group participants.  Prior to that time, it was a coaching strategy I used on myself or shared privately. 

For several years I actively role modeled Peace on Purpose, pointing out life’s potential fertilizer to participants.  I used conscious sharing and invited them to project their ideas onto my story by asking them questions about what they thought I felt or should say to my younger/older selves to promote taking responsibility and forgiveness.  In the process they began to divulge their stories with ease, without pressure. Check out the empowering mission of Wolf Connection Wolfconnection.org.

I resigned from my position at Wolf Connection and departed in December 2019. I decided that instead of building someone else’s dream, it was time to build my dreams, though my dreams were unknown at the time.  I left what I had once loved so fiercely because I could no longer serve and be true to myself. I could not find a way to balance the job and have room for my unlimited expansion.

To have stayed would have been to consciously remain in a locked cage with the key in my pocket.  To have stayed would have potentially limited an organization I loved because it was time for me to serve elsewhere.  A good leader knows when it is time to move on; I hope that I respected the timing.

Wondering if I was brave and/or stupid, I walked away from my job in 2019 as I had done from my marriage in 2012. Leaving Wolf Connection was the second hardest painful experience of my life, and I am so happy that I dared to create and invite a new path. I advanced with some loving friendships and wolf ancestors firmly rooted in my bones, breath and voice. 

I left knowing Wolf Connection’s Program Director, now Executive Director, Dr. Amanda Beer, was continuing to cultivate the circle ritual with participants while training staff in the application of leading and witnessing. I imagine that the healing howl continues witnessed by good people through Dr. Beer’s strength of heart, joy, supervision and of course the ever witnessing, wolves.

Me? I don’t look back unless it’s for Peace on Purpose.

Onward!

INTRODUCTION

Peace Starts with Me

Life brings many blessings and challenges. Love. Blame. Regrets. Gratitude. Some experiences can be very difficult to navigate with heart and compassion. To transform blaming to Being, we begin by embracing the regrets we may have and celebrate the learning with understanding and gratitude.

Along with gratitude and compassion, in response to challenges, who we blame, and how we feel and think about ourselves, and others become the co-authors of our perspective. The perspective of the mind uses filters through which occurrences and people may be sorted into categories of good and bad throughout our lifetime until and unless we make new choices.

How to be is our choice in each moment. I try to increase my self-awareness and to cultivate peace. Finding peace is a striving for those who are willing to uncover and embrace potentially uncomfortable, poignant, and profound realizations to create connection. There is often a battle between the mind, that which has been scripted, and the heart which cultivates connection.  Ideally, we continue to find inspiration and healing direction as we willingly explore with positive intention.

We can stop blaming others for the bad things that have happened to us and begin to sort through only those reactions over which we have some level of control.  As stated in the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr: ...grant me the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know one from the other....

Blaming takes so much energy because it goes against the natural flow of life. We may have become conditioned to think the natural flow is to blame self and others.  I know that I was conditioned to blame others, and often myself, and to justify that. Blaming allows me to put myself in a superior position or an inferior position when I prefer to blame self. The natural flow is to take responsibility. I do admit that often I vent and complain before I accept full accountability. 

As I began to take responsibility for me by releasing blame, I learned how to be me. A lighter, forgiving and more honest with myself, me.  Let’s review some typical exchanges between the mind and connection that our thought filters often encounter.

Separation and Connection:

The mind says: These people are fools! I am better than they are. Or I hope I am better than they are. Connection asks: What’s at risk if you were to discover you are the same as the fools? What might you call the group then?" I admit that I can be foolish. Maybe they are simply different from what I am used to.

The mind says: Not all my friends were invited to the VIP only party! I am good enough, better than Ted who didn’t get the invitation! Or Am I good enough? Maybe I shouldn’t go.  Connection asks: "What is at risk if you don’t compare yourself to others? Maybe we are all worthy of the invitation and there are only fifty tickets available. I am grateful to have the opportunity to attend!

The mind says: I found this wallet loaded with cash! Finders' keepers!  Connection asks: "Who is weeping for the loser?" Instead of feeling superior, what are my options with respect to this wallet? If I keep this money, am I doing so with ill intention? Perhaps I can receive a financial reward from the owner who may or may not need the money more than I do. What is the best course of action for me and to show respect for the owner? Connection asks: What inner work can I do to see that maybe under the veil that shrouds my view of the world, there is only one wallet that belongs to all of us?

The mind says: What ridiculous beliefs they have in their religion!  What I believe is the truth and only way. Connection asks: If you had grown up in that culture and religion, what would you have believed initially? These ideas are new for me. Hard for me to imagine and I can see that if I was conditioned differently, I would likely have thought accordingly. Maybe I am conditioned to be loyal to what I think, and someone is judging my beliefs as silly? Connection asks: What inner work can I do to assist identified solutions?

The mind says: That teacher is so amazing! I love the way they express themselves and make us laugh! I could teach that class with better results! Or I could never be anywhere near as wonderful as that. Connection asks: Do you know that what you see outside of yourself, also potentially exists within you? It is up to you to cultivate those wanted qualities to the best of your ability, authentically. I wonder how my authentic expression will emerge. I believe I am capable of being an amazing teacher too.  I am getting used to the idea. Or I never imagined that something so wonderful could be inside of me too. And the part of self that proclaims they could do it better? What is your intention in sharing such a statement? Is it about comparing your best to another’s or simply seeking to grow yourself? Connection asks: Why the need to compare?

The mind says: What is wrong with parents today? Leaving their kids to spend hours using video games and internet technology! Connection asks: If we were to review generations, I wonder what other examples would be revealed of the things kids of a generation were left to do on their own. Further, I wonder what similarities in familial legacies and economic backgrounds would be revealed. Despite not appreciating the outcomes, can we have compassion for some of the reasons people do what they do? How many of them actually have ill intention? What might I be doing right now that someone else in the future may judge as selfish or neglectful? Connection asks: What can I do to be part of identified solutions?

The mind says: What happened to our old neighborhood? Nothing is the same! These horrible people who took over the block. They are not even from this country! It is such a shame! Connection asks: If we were to look back at when our families, potentially immigrants, moved into the neighborhood, how aligned do we feel with the sentiment towards specific groups at that time? How will the legacy of separation ever cease if we continue to look only to justify differences instead of embracing the many similarities? How will we see with our hearts that we are all people on a Time Circle journey?  Connection asks: What inner work can we do to assist identified solutions?

Peace starts with each of us.  For me, the transformation from blaming to Being involves a therapeutic journey around a Wisdom Time Circle that is a circular timeline whereby we get to revisit our past, check in with our future selves and be more present in the Now.  Basically, the things in life we have viewed as shit may be used as fertilizer if our how to be allows.

We look back briefly only to help us move forward in life. If we want to spend time investigating our past, we are encouraged to find a licensed mental health therapist. This Time Circle journey is to acknowledge and embrace who we have been, who we are now and who we are becoming as pertinent to our sacred timing for expansive personal growth and forward momentum.

As we move around the Time Circle, we explore our lives and welcome the opportunity to Reclaim, Reframe, Reconcile and Realign aspects of ourselves from past, present and in the future, embracing forgiveness and gratitude as we realign to a deeper truth.

Reclaim is to pick up any lost pieces of self that may have been left in the past.

Reframe is to infuse old belief systems with the truth.

Reconcile is to bathe the experience in forgiveness.

Realign is to mesh gratitude with the truth and clarity that forgiveness provides.

Finding peace does not mean that no one else should be accountable for their actions. It does not mean that