The Blood Dagger Trilogy Boxset (The Outcasts, The Watchers, Tree of Souls)

THE OUTCASTS

The Blood Dagger

Volume: 1

◊◊◊

Misty Hayes

Copyright © Misty Hayes 2017

All rights reserved. The right of Misty Hayes to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs, and Patents Act 1988.

No part of this publication may be altered, reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form, by any means, including, but not limited to, scanning, duplicating, uploading, hosting, distributing, or reselling, without the express prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of reasonable quotations in features such as reviews, interviews, and certain other non-commercial uses currently permitted by copyright law.

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. All characters, locations, and businesses are purely products of the author’s imagination and are entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, places, or events is completely coincidental.

The Outcasts - The Blood Dagger Volume: 1 by Misty Hayes

A world in which there are monsters, and ghosts, and things that want to steal your heart is a world in which there are angels, and dreams, and a world which there is hope.

-Neil Gaiman

Dedicated to the perfectly imperfect.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Get Connected

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1

◊

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-five feet.

Seventy excruciating, but doable, steps.

That's all that stood between me and the relative safety of my car. Once I got behind two tons of machinery, they generally left me alone.

Until then, though...

Boom babababababa.

And there it was—the gleefully evil voice of Allen Lawrence following me all the way to my locker,— making every roughly two-hundred pound step of mine into the lumbering, look-at-me gait of a high school elephant.

Boom babababababa.

I stopped and took another step—then two more—fulfilling my end of the semester-long contract of humiliation between me and the other teenagers in this school whose metabolism didn't decide to curl up and die on them in fifth grade.

Boom babababababa. Boom babababababa.

It wasn't like he was the king of cool. If I'd had any sort of resolve I'd have told Allen his hair resembled a garden of weeds or his dandruff could fill a snow globe... but instead, I ignored his snide remarks and snickers to open my locker and stick my head inside. It was a slight reprieve to collect myself, but I only managed to embarrass myself further. On my exhale, my hand slipped, which knocked my Calculus book from the top shelf. Papers spewed from the bent pages across the polished linoleum floor.

Just great.

More laughter floated around me as I stooped to pick the mess up but a hand reached out and hit mine at the same time. I looked up in surprise to see a bright pair of hazel eyes staring back at me from behind black rimmed glasses.

Figured you could use some help.

I glanced at his outstretched hand. Stephen wasn't someone who swam in the popular end of the pool but he did attract a lot of attention from girls. He was cute in a 'boy-next-door' sort of way, with dark hair swept to the side and a disarming smile; let's just say if snakes wore pants he'd charm them off with the grin he was now giving me. I glanced around to make sure I was the one he was actually talking to. We had one class together, which just so happened to be Calculus, but he'd never said one word to me in four years. Now, he'd just said six.

You're pretty smart— Stephen peered at the graded paper, A ninety-five from Mr. Woodcomb is miraculous.

Nothing's miraculous about Calculus... I let the sentence trail off, too late to stop the melodic fashion in which it had come out. I hid a groan, I didn't mean for that to rhyme.

In a shocking turn of events, his mouth quirked up at the corner, You're funny.

I wasn’t used to getting complimented by a cute guy. The heat instantly rose to my cheeks, so I dropped my gaze and stuttered, Th-th-hanks.

It was the near extinct, in-school-and-not-caused-by-a-teacher smile that had formed on my lips that made me look away; but when I chanced a glance back up, I caught Stephen gesturing to a couple of his friends who had materialized behind him. He saw me notice and his face morphed. The cute smile he'd worn widened and it wasn't cute anymore. In fact, he reminded me of how a hyena might look in human form.

I guess you've got to be, though, huh? he said as he raised an eyebrow. I mean, you've either gotta be fugly but funny, or you've gotta be the pretty asshole. You can't be the ugly asshole. He'd made sure to say it loud enough for his friends behind him to hear as he wadded up my paper and threw it across the hall. Laughter once again drifted around me as people passed, some with pitying glances in my direction. I felt my cheeks heat up from the unwanted attention.

Told you she'd cry. Stephen stood, looked down at me, and then turned to his friends, Jesus, Lardo. You'd think someone your size would have a thicker skin.

I wasn’t crying, and if steam could come out of my ears, it would have. I grabbed my things, shoved them back into my locker and found the closest restroom so I could shut myself in a stall.

***

Every day when school ended, all I needed to do was make it to my car to feel at least a modicum of safety from the outside world, but the parking lot was seventy feet from the front doors. Those seventy feet were the bane of my existence. They were seventy feet of harassment; seventy feet of sheer agonizing torture and seventy feet of unbearable embarrassment. But this was the only way out. New construction around the back had blocked my failed attempt at getting out unscathed and unless I wanted to scale myself down the side of the building, this had become my only exit out.

The Toyota came into focus like a mirage in the desert; as soon as I saw it I sped up. It felt like multitudes of eyes raked over me as I set out. It always happened this way in my nightmares, too. That moment when the killer catches you off guard and hacks you to little bits. The bits were the remnants of my ego, easily chopped up and demolished. My grip tightened on my backpack strap like it was a life jacket.

Did you think just because you're graduating that I was going to let you off the hook?

I was hoping that might be the case, I mumbled and as soon as I said it I knew I'd made a terrible mistake. It was written all over her grinning, predatory face. Madison Bristow. This was why I didn't partake in social media. I was too afraid of being made fun of, yet here we were again anyway—me adrift in a sea of bully-sharks waiting for blood. My blood.

Madison pulled a wad of gum out of her mouth as I marched past and without a word, threw it into my hair. In a gut reaction, I attempted to pull it out but only managed to make it worse. When I drew my hand away I realized with dread the gum was exactly the same color of a neon orange parking cone.

Oh man, I'm an Oompa Loompa.

I tried to hold back the sting of tears as I flew the rest of the way to my car, but as soon as I got there, someone put a hand on my shoulder. Expecting it to be Madison, I turned with a retort ready, but stopped when I realized it wasn't her. Corinth—I thought you were the troll... As soon as I said troll, Corinth's gaze lit on Madison across the parking lot and he squared his shoulders in anger.

Madison was still laughing with her friends.

The answer to what he was thinking was in those intense brown eyes and in his posture—closed fists by his sides. He was pissed. Embarrassed, I avoided his pitying stare at the gum in my hair.

Corinth growled, That's it. I'm definitely saying something to her—

I grabbed his arm before he could take two steps. Hey Rambo, save your ammo. If she sees I'm upset she'll just try it again, later. Besides, with that dark brown mane of yours— I stepped on tippy toes to reach out and ruffle his hair. You're bound to have some tips on how to get this gum out, right?

His frown faltered and turned into a grin as he said, You mean this hair that would make Simba jealous? Sure, I got tips.

I asked, What are you doing here, anyway?

The gods took pity on me— he started to say but I stopped him with a look. He could keep one of his made-up stories going for ages. He scratched his chin in defeat, Fine... I got out early and caught a bus over here... thought I could meet you to hitch a ride back to my place.

Before I knew it, Corinth had opened my car door and helped me inside. He was already in the passenger seat before I could argue. Stephen, who happened to be walking by, noticed Corinth getting into my car and to my immense pleasure his hyena-grin disappeared. I wanted to shout, 'Yeah, that's right, he's getting in my car!' Instead, I lowered my head and picked at the gum in my hair. Could this get any more embarrassing? Who throws gum in people's hair?

Douche bags, he said, his nostrils flaring out like a bull’s when it’s ready to charge.

His anger meant the world to me; it meant he had my back.

I don't know why your parents put you in that Catholic school anyway. You live closer to Grover Heights, I muttered.

Things would definitely be different if we went to the same school, that's for sure, he said with another murderous glance at Madison as we pulled out of the parking lot.

***

Corinth wasn't one for cleanliness. Dirty clothes were piled against his bedroom door along with pizza boxes—enough for him to make a fort out of their empty carcasses. Energy drinks covered every inch of the rest of the space. If you asked him he'd tell you there was order in all the chaos.

You need some help with that? Corinth asked, eyeing the sticky wad of gum.

I pulled another strand of hair loose and sighed in frustration.

I think I have something that might do the trick, he said and ran out of his room. When he returned he was holding a cup full of ice. He grabbed a piece and plopped down on the bed beside me. Corinth didn't think anything of it; however, I enjoyed the opportunity for his thigh to touch mine.

Come here, he said, motioning.

I inched closer as he gently held the ice against the thickest part of the wad.

I couldn't help but get a whiff of him, being this close and all. He smelled just like fresh laundry.

You stay up all night, again? I asked.

Corinth gave me a lopsided grin, How'd you know?

I pointed to his desktop and counted the empty cans. One, two, three, four—eight...there are more energy drinks in this room than in an actual convenience store.

He glanced around as if proud of his accomplishments. All he needed to complete the whole male bravado thing was to beat his fists against his chest.

That's why you're so scrawny. You use up way too much energy. God bless you for being such a nutcase—a caffeine obsessed nutcase, I said with a snort.

I'm proud to say I'm part blood and part Arabica bean. He tossed what was left of the ice back into the cup. My fingers are numb.

The cool thing about having him for a best friend was the fact that he would pull someone else's chewed up gum from my hair for me. A chunk of orange came out as he wrestled it free and I let out a triumphant cry.

How did you do that? I asked.

Simple physics postulates that the ice hardens the gum, making it easier to separate the hair follicles from candy. He shrugged when he saw the look on my face and pointed to his own hair. I'm kidding, I have lots of siblings. And lots of hair. Happens all the time.After we'd both had a good, long laugh and we'd quieted down, he said, Why do you let the bitch brigade get away with that anyway?

I shrugged. You wouldn't understand. People actually like you... I shook my head. It's almost over, though—I'll be leaving all that behind.

I know you're excited about England, but one of us might miss the other one more than the other... Corinth looked down and for the first time in I don't know how long—at least since the age of us wearing pull-ups—I realized he was embarrassed. He gave me the special half-smile he reserved just for me and added, I meant you'd miss me more, of course.

When he glanced back up, I playfully shoved his shoulder. Then, in an expertly classy move, I pretended to examine my hair and ignored the blood rushing to my neck to my head. I liked him. I mean, I liked him a lot. Hell, he was the only guy who didn't make fun of me for being fat and he was my best friend and he was adorable. I let the thought trail away—like the water dripping down Corinth's arm from the melted ice—and said, If it wasn't for your family unofficially adopting me when my dad disappeared, I don't know what I would have done.

Corinth gave me a curt nod. He hated when I got serious about anything, I can't believe it's been six years since... seriously—what are you going to do without me? His eyes were wide and round and perfect. Pity and concern all rolled into one superfluous look. His little puppy dog eyes might have worked on others, but not me, no, sir.

No, no, no, don't give me that look with those eyes, I said.

He crossed his arms over his chest. I know you're looking for dear old dad in England.

My eyes flicked to his in surprise, How did you know?

His eyebrows creased to form a v above his nose. I loved it when he did that. Come on, Larns, I've known you since kindergarten. You're nothing if not predictable. You don't even like walking to the street curb in front of your house by yourself. All of a sudden you decide to go off to another country?

I picked at a fingernail and after a second pulled my backpack from beside me, I think it's time I get the father issues off my plate... so I can stop putting everything else on it. I reached into the depths of my backpack and pulled out an old journal and handed it to him. I found this hidden under a loose floorboard last year during my mom's renovation.

Corinth took it from me and his eyes widened as he opened it. This is your Dad's journal?

My eyes snapped to meet his and then flew back to the journal. Yeah.

Corinth flipped to the last page and read for a moment. And England is the last place he talked about?

I nodded. He mentions this place called The Swan in Bedfordshire. I think he's there—it's where I booked a room, anyway.

But he's been gone so long, what makes you think he's still there?

I shrugged. I have to start somewhere. And if I don't find him—well I guess it's where I'll find myself, instead.

I can't believe you're doing this, he said. What are you going to say to him if you find him?

I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. I’ll ask him why he left. I just want to know why. What could be so important you'd leave behind your family without a note or a word or even a hug? He left his wedding ring and favorite leather jacket on my mom's bed. But why go to those lengths and then hide a journal?

He tried to search my eyes but when he spoke he turned away. Maybe I could go with you?

I laughed and when he twisted back to face me, I knew I'd hurt his feelings.

Corinth, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant you know your mom would never let you.

He unexpectedly pulled me into a hug. I enjoyed the moment of just being close to him. Like being in a bookstore, he smelled of my favorite things: the aroma of untold stories, mystery, and dreams yet to come. I felt him draw in a breath as if he were about to say something but a second later, he pulled back.

What is it, Taylor, I know you want to tell me something, I said.

Corinth was staring at me like he had bad news, picking at his thumbnail in thought. I never told you this because I didn’t think it would help and I wanted to protect you… He ran a hand through his hair and glanced down. The night your father left, I tried to sneak over to your place for our nightly name-the-stars ritual, but your dad caught me trying to scamper up the side of your house.

I felt the raw emotion build up at the back of my throat as I whispered, What happened?

I remember it like it was yesterday. Corinth lifted his shoulders and when he met my eyes I could see the pain and guilt in them. Your father had this spooked look on his face that night. At the time, I attributed it to him catching me red-handed because I wasn’t supposed to be out that late. Now, I think it was something else… He sucked in a breath and blew it out. I could have stopped him, Larns. Instead, I thought he had made the coolest dad move on the planet for not ratting me out to my folks. All he did was wink and tell me to look after you.

I knew there was no way that Corinth could have known that moment would be the last time he’d see my father, again. And I really wanted to reassure him of that fact, but there was a small part of me that was mad he hadn’t stopped him from taking off, too.

Chapter 2

◊

I WAS ANGRY, NOT so much at Corinth for not telling me about that night, but at myself for not stopping him from leaving, either. The thing that had gotten me was how easily my pain could blossom back up to the surface as if it were the day he left all over again. I’d thought I had filled that ‘figurative’ hole. Corinth’s admission had lit a fire underneath me, though. I was going to find my father and give him a piece of my mind because it still didn’t answer the age old question of why? Why did he leave? He had seemed so happy. And then there was still the matter of his journal he’d hidden from prying eyes. Thoughts like these are what kept me up all night. So, when I finally found the perfect balance between the room temperature and the temperature underneath my covers, it was time to get up.

Being late for school again would put me in a bind, so I peeled myself off my bed and rushed through the process of getting ready. I threw on my favorite pair of jeans, and then put my hair in a ponytail and crept past my mom's room to hear her snoring. She was a nurse who worked nights and I didn't want to disturb her. Sometimes, she left breakfast out. Not today, though, so I grabbed the car keys off the counter and wedged myself into the Toyota. On days like this, I wished even more that Corinth went to my school. He made the teasing a little more bearable.

Before I knew it, I was squealing into the parking lot, my foot on the clutch then brake, when I found one last spot in the cramped parking lot.

When the bell finally rang for lunch, my stomach let out a growl. It had its own language and it was telling me to eat. Now. The lunch line was long but it gave me time to look at all the endless possibilities in front of me. Food was my comfort. It was familiarity. It was one tiny second of relief from the constant pressure settled on top of my shoulders. And in that minuscule second of relief, I found ecstasy.

A voice interrupted my thoughts. You're not going to eat that are you? My eyes stayed locked on the food as I said, You know I'll eat anything that doesn't run from me.

Amber snorted, So, I planned on going to a concert this weekend and I need a friend who enjoys music as much as I do. Know anyone who might be interested?

Um—

—I'll count you in, she finished for me. Amber was my one and only friend here but we didn't hang out all of the time. Mainly because I was pretty sure she had a huge crush on Corinth--everyone seemed to and he didn't even go to this school.

The cheeseburger called to me, so I plucked it from the warming station. The low watt bulbs only managed to keep the food slightly above room temperature--but I didn't care. Every time I showed up in the buffet line, Ms. Schrute, the beady eyed queen of hairnets would glare dagger eyes at me until I'd passed. I don't know why she hated me; I single handedly kept this school open just by purchasing lunch.

What did you say? I asked absentmindedly and then I remembered the current topic of conversation. I have to save every penny for my trip. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. The look of disappointment was almost enough to make me change my mind. Guilt trips worked on me.

Ditch your friend before you leave for an entire summer. I understand. Good thing Corinth's coming with, Amber said.

I couldn’t help but feel a sudden pang of jealousy hit at thinking about Corinth and Amber at the concert without me. An image of Corinth leaning into her to whisper something in her ear hit me. Nope, nope, nope, not gonna happen.

Someone walking behind me saw my tray and said, Oink...oink...oink... Amber twirled around but they'd already passed as she muttered, Such assholes.

Speaking of, where were you yesterday after school? I grumbled.

She rolled her eyes. Detention again, sorry.

Pulling money out of my pocket, I handed it to Ms. Schrute. She snatched it from my fingers right as Amber gestured to her plate, so I paid for hers, too. The Hairnet Queen gave me my change and an eye roll.

As we weaved our way through the crowd I asked, That's all you're going to eat? All she had was some chocolate chip cookies and cheese crackers. No wonder she was so skinny. She pulled a fry from my plate and munched on it.

How'd you convince Corinth to go? I said, peering at her from over my towering tray of food. We had found the closest table with two chairs next to each other and I now knew why they'd been vacated—usually finding prime real estate like this during lunch rush hour was no easy task. It was the raucous group of choir kids next to us that did it. They were chanting STATE! over and over again while pounding their fists on the table. One of my fries toppled from its precarious position on my tray and I eyed it in agony as it hit the floor.

I glared dagger eyes at them as Amber said, I should have led with Corinth coming. She gave me a sheepish grin. I sorta promised him you'd be there. If I didn't know any better I'd say he has a thing for you.

I leaned forward, What did he say?

You two really need to go out or something, she muttered.

There's no way he likes me like that.

She rolled her eyes. Right.

If Corinth went to my school he'd be the most popular guy here. The popular crowd would require him to bulk up, get rid of his Star Wars action figures, change his wardrobe, of course—even though for me, these things were what made him so special. But to his popularity credit, he had dated Madison, (the most popular girl in school) and for a whole month to top it off. A month is a lifetime in high school dating. It also happened to be the worst month of my life.

It puzzled me how they got together in the first place. He told me she really seemed into movies. Corinth was one of those people who enjoyed the solitude at the theater, so he'd go by himself a lot.

Apparently, Madison had a dirty little secret, too. According to Corinth, they had ended up sitting next to each other on accident and started up a conversation. Yuck.

We didn't talk much during the Dark Times-that's what I called it.

Eventually, Corinth was the one to break it off. I think it was the reason Madison hated me so much. I think she secretly still liked him and couldn't stand the fact that we were besties.

Amber elbowed me and I yelped in surprise.

The choir kids next to us burst into fits of laughter at seeing me jump. She put a hand over her mouth and giggled as I glowered back, ignoring all the stares in my direction. I wished I could be more like Amber. She didn't care what anyone else thought about her. Maybe she would be the better match for Corinth.

As if she could read my mind, she said, Well if you're not going to date him, maybe I will.

I almost choked on the massive amount of fries I was shoveling into my mouth as I gave her my best you-know-we're-not-going-to-discuss-this-again look.

I'm in, I said with a full mouth. It wasn't that big of a win for her. I succumbed to peer-pressure way too easily.

But she smiled anyway, triumphant in her negotiating skills.

Chapter 3

◊

THAT NIGHT AFTER SCHOOL I pulled my dad's journal from in between my mattress and box spring and sniffed the paper. The faint scent of his cologne still clung to the thin pages after all these years. The sudden memory of him made my stomach clench. This was the only thing I had left to remind me of him. I tried to imagine his face as I read his words for the umpteenth time:

June 7th

I'm back in Bromham. This is my third trip. I think I've taken a picture of every inch of this town, including all of the people in it. In all honesty, this place is really growing on me. Everyone is friendly. The Swan is nice and the bartender chats a lot. Maybe I had too much whiskey, but I'm seriously considering moving my family here.

There was a crumpled photograph tucked between the pages of this section the first time I looked through it. My dad kept photos of everything, so it wasn't a surprise that there was one in his journal. It was a picture of an old tree—the trunk was as big as I'd ever seen but it didn't have leaves. That was the eerie thing; the branches snaked upward, like skeletal arms reaching for some unseen object in the sky. There were two words on the back of the photo: Trembling Giant. I didn't think it was significant, my dad liked landscapes, but this particular tree was ethereal. I tucked the worn photo back between the pages, using it as my book-mark, and checked my phone for any new messages. Amber had texted:

Don't forget about tom night to meet at the concert. I'll see u up there at 9. Tell C to wear that shirt I like so much ;-)

The next thing I knew, I was lying at an odd angle on the couch and I bolted upright, a cramp shooting its way up through my calf. I wasn’t even sure how I had been that tired in the first place. My neck hurt and my heart was pounding so hard I thought I was having a heart attack. It had been a nightmare that had caused this reaction, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember what it was about.

The feeling of being watched was so strong I went to the living room and mashed my face against the glass. Soft light from a lamp near the window made it impossible to see out. This was a bad spot to be in if a psycho with an axe was looking in at me at the same time as I was looking out.

Lucky for me, Jason Voorhees didn't greet me in his usual fashion and the only sign of life was the barking of a dog in a nearby neighbor's yard.

Even though I didn't see anyone, I couldn't get past that creepy-crawly-critters-on-the-neck feeling.

***

It was only two weeks until I left for England, but this evening I had planned on relishing my time spent with Corinth. When we arrived at the concert hall, people were already showing up in droves. Hiking into the amphitheater I found it no surprise that even my sweat was sweating.

Corinth noticed my discomfort and in his usual magnificently superfluous fashion managed to combine concern and teasing by the lift of one eyebrow. You gonna make it?

His teasing always left me flustered, especially when he grabbed my shoulders to guide me to the front doors. The Star Wars T-shirt he wore was form fitted, even after he'd layered it over a red long sleeved thermal. Corinth Taylor wasn't a weight lifter by any means, but his biceps and the cut of his shirt still made him appear more muscular than he actually was. It made me want to reach out and touch him.

Instead, I found a stray strand of hair and pushed it out of my face.

Amber was at the box office picking up our tickets when we walked up. Once through the gates, we shoved our way past several people. The opening band had already started by the time we found our seats. The bass was loud and my whole body shook with the music. The hike from my car to the parking lot had left me feeling gross and sticky. Deodorant was a life saver. It was what got me through most days. The restroom seemed so far away but I'd better go now and reapply. I yelled at Corinth to let him know where I was going but he gave me a generic head bob right as Amber leaned conspiratorially close to whisper something in his ear.

This was exactly why we didn't all hang out in the same social circle.

Why couldn't she see how much her flirting with him bothered me?

She wasn't doing it on purpose. I didn't even think she was actually interested in him—but some tiny voice in the back of my mind kept telling me otherwise.

The only thing I could see were the tops of people's heads as I made my way to the bathroom.

Don't drink anything else tonight, I told myself at the sight of the ginormous line. Crowds were not my thing. This night just kept getting better and better, especially when Madison Bristow and her horde showed up to stand right behind me. I wasn't surprised they were here. This was a popular band. I inched my way into a group of girls in front of me hoping Madison wouldn't notice. Colton—Madison's boyfriend—with blonde hair and unnaturally white teeth—was the epitome of an all-star football player or aspiring Abercrombie and Fitch Model. Good thing they were too engrossed in themselves to notice me.

But after a few minutes of me burying my head into my phone, someone shoved me on my shoulder. I turned to see who it was and cringed at my misfortune. Stephanie was one of Madison's gang and I was immediately met by her smile—which was as fake as her tan.

She said, It's Lardo! Her beady eyes raked over me as she continued, Don't tell me you're here all by yourself?

Halle joined in with a giggle and said, Look how red she is.

I pride myself on being witty most days but something about the combination of having Madison near me and the fact that Colton was staring blankly at me created a chasm of no retorts.

After what seemed like an eternity, I found my voice, You know what's funny?

What's that? Madison said, twirling her gum around her pinky finger.

There isn't a name for a group of bitches—I mean there's a flock of seagulls, a murder of crows, gaggle of geese, but y'all are...oh, wait, I got it, a bunch of bitches.

Madison's eyes narrowed as she leaned in close and the overwhelming smell of alcohol on her breath hit me. You're pathetic. That's why your dad left. He couldn't even stand the sight of you.

The walls seemed to press in close as the pounding of the bass increased. Claustrophobia struck. She’d mentioned the one thing I couldn't handle. The room spun but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of crying. Not in front of her. They laughed even harder when they realized I was close to tears.

I was so lost in my own world of self-deprivation I didn't notice that the bathroom line had thinned down and The Toadies were on stage. They were singing my favorite song so I focused on the lyrics:

Be my angel...

Be my angel...

Do you wanna die?

I promise you I will treat you well

My sweet angel...

I ran.

Like a coward.

The sound of laughter from Madison’s horde faded as I tumbled out of the exit doors. The heat from the sun had been seeping into the pavement all day, which left the night air stifling and confining; moving across the blacktop only added to my lightheadedness. By the time I made it to the overflow garage, I was huffing.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. A strangled sob forced its way out of my throat. It was dark and there were no working lights this far out. I should have sprung for valet. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, a sense of dread hit me; that feeling in the pit of your stomach that threatens to squeeze your insides to slush.

Glancing around, I looked for signs of movement and suddenly regretted my hasty exit. In case I really did get axe murdered I felt I should text Corinth—at least he would have a time of death confirmation. I couldn't help thinking these macabre thoughts as I reoriented myself and moved in the direction I thought I’d parked. Again, an overwhelming sense of foreboding hit me.

My Spidey senses were on par tonight because the shape of a man blended into the shadows of the garage entrance. There was an upper level and a lower level and we were both on the lower one. He was within feet of my car.

His hair was black as night—but that wasn't what stopped me cold. It was the expression on his face that did that.

I'd never seen a smile look so unnatural.

When he strode forward, his shadow dipped and elongated making it look like he had wings. I hit the call button and heard a faint click as it went straight to voicemail. Taking my keys from my pocket, I clutched them to my chest, trying to stop my hands from shaking. I'd at least take one of his eyeballs with me if he tried anything. Pretending to be on the phone (people won't attack you while you're on the phone, right?) I said, Yeah, idiot... I'm in the parking lot waiting for you... um...

Trying to open the door with sweaty fingers proved fruitless as the keys slipped out of my grasp and fell to the ground. Struggling to a knee, I realized being overweight was going to be the death of me, but not quite the death I'd been expecting.

The tip of his black work boot appeared next to my outstretched hand.

The keys had been so close.

He bent down and picked them up, but didn't return them—which sent me into full panic mode. There was nowhere to run and he was in way better shape than I was. I stood slowly and noticed his hair was swept back, held in place with tons of gel. Then there were his eyes: black, hawk-like and cold, — calculated. He studied me too and when he spoke, it was in a thick accent. You dropped this. Russian. There was something off about him. At first I couldn't place it, but then it came to me. It was the way he tapped my keys against his leg. Methodical, menacing—it sent a shiver down my spine. He seemed to notice, as if he were taking pleasure in my fear. I dropped my phone into the palm of my hand, took my eyes off him for a brief second to dial 9-1-1, was about to push the call button...

You have your father's eyes.

My head snapped up but the space he had just occupied was now empty and my keys were on the hood. Impossible. How did he move that fast? I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and closed my eyes—my father's eyes?

Chapter 4

◊

THIS MUST BE WHAT a nervous breakdown feels like. Hallucinations can occur when you're seriously dehydrated. After a few seconds, though, I was finally able to compose myself and get my labored breathing back under control. That’s when I noticed Corinth appear from around the opening to the garage entrance. When he spotted me, he ran the rest of the way to where I stood and bent over, his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

Did you see him? I asked anxiously. What if the Russian dude was still hanging around? But for some reason I had this inkling that he had vacated the premises.

Corinth searched the shadows around us in the garage. I saw Madison, she told me you ran out... he clutched his side, ... crying... I came to find you.

Don't tell me you didn't see him?

I didn't see anyone. Are you sure you're okay? He asked.

Not really. I felt drained now that the adrenaline had started to wear off. The stranger hadn't threatened me, even though I was certain he might have, given more time. But what he'd said still echoed in my skull. "Your father's eyes."

You sure you saw someone? It's dark out here, Corinth interrupted my rampant thoughts as if he were trying to convince himself more than me.

Yeah—because when I see imaginary people, they're always Russian. A wave of dizziness hit me and I felt Corinth put a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

Why don’t we go back inside and grab our seats again? Finish this out in style? he suggested, a small smile playing across his lips as he raised his eyebrows.

Moving out from under his hand, I unlocked my car and got inside as I watched him sink his hands deep into his pockets. By the way he kept glancing back toward the direction of the amphitheater as the music started to swell, again, I knew he really wanted to go back inside.

I rolled my window down. I'm fine. It’s just the heat getting to me. My voice softened when I saw the disappointment on his face. I know this is your favorite band and I don’t want you to miss it on my account.

For a second, he looked like he was going to argue, but then nodded.

Now that the stranger was gone and there was no sign of danger, I was starting to feel like I had overreacted. I turned the key and the engine sputtered to life as Corinth toed a loose piece of concrete at his foot.

What's with this Russian mob business? He said, You a gangster and I don't know about it?

I rolled my eyes but whispered, No, but my dad might be.

Corinth's eyes flicked quickly to meet mine. What?

But I had already gunned the gas and put him in the rear view mirror. For some reason I needed to get home to read my dad's journal all over again.

The idea of finding my father had suddenly gotten a lot more urgent. All these years and not one person mentions him besides a random teacher who knew him from his prior PTA days. My mom never even talked about him and now some stranger shows up and brings him up without a second thought?

Either I was on the right track, or maybe none of it actually happened and I really had been hallucinating.

***

Graduation came quickly, but the incident in the garage never fully left me. I hadn't seen any sign of the dark haired Russian since then, or Corinth for that matter. I guess he'd gotten mad at me for leaving him alone in a dark parking garage. On thinking back, I'd be mad at me, too. Now that I was out of harm's way, I realized Corinth could have been in danger.

I stood at my bedroom mirror with my cap and gown on and tried to focus on how much I hated this itchy material. At least it hid most of my mid-section. I pulled irritatingly on the zipper at the back of my robe in anger and something ripped. Scrabbling at the fabric, to my relief I couldn't find any holes or tears.

My mom stuck her head into my room to take one last peek at me. She was close to tears as she took my picture with her phone. I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Mom.

She snapped one last pic of me and sighed.

In a whirlwind of goodbyes, lame photos, and even more lame speeches, I had my diploma in one hand and Amber's arm wrapped around my shoulder.

Can you believe it? she asked.

"I can believe it. You're one of the few people I'll miss."

Crowds of kids marched past us all cheering in glee as she hugged me. Stay in touch while you're away, and call me with every single detail, okay?

I pulled back and gave her a grin. You better upgrade your minutes, then.

I felt the sudden flutters of excitement in my stomach as I realized how close I was to leaving my town in the rearview mirror. This place wasn’t all bad. It was a city so beloved it had three nicknames: ‘The Worth’, ‘Funky Town’, and ‘Cowtown’. Yes, a big city with a small town feel. Fort Worth prided itself on its rich history in all things dealing with cattle. My favorite thing about it here was how you could get a steak on any street corner. The perfect place for the bovine lover, and it would have been perfect for me if no one else lived here. So, when I had decided to seek out my father, I felt that much more exhilarated about taking my life into my own hands. I guess these types of experiences always started off a little scary.

Later that day, my mom, Corinth, and his whole family had decided to meet at a seafood restaurant for the after celebrations.

By the time we got there, a large table had already been set up in a private room in the back of the crowded restaurant. Corinth's graduation was next week but because I was leaving, we'd decided to celebrate early. It seemed that everyone else in the entire city decided to join us. A banner hung from the wall that read: Congratulations Graduates. There was one below that too: Happy Trails, Larna. I was so stunned that they had even thought about me that when I found a free seat beside Corinth, I plopped down without a thought out of the ordinary.

It wasn't until I met my mom's proud face that I turned to glance at Corinth, and for the first time, noticed he looked tired.

He gave me a lopsided grin. How's it going, Larns?

Oh I'm great. School's out and we're about to eat like a mega ton of food. I picked up my fork and pointed it at him. You really need to start sleeping.

He grunted and gave me a sideways glance. Sleeping's boring.

I hadn't seen him since the concert and it stirred up unfamiliar feelings—a shy awkwardness that hadn't been there before. I turned my attention from him to his little sister, Zoey, who was jumping up and down next to him.

Where've you been? she asked, throwing a hand over her mouth and giggling. Everyone at the table turned to look at us as she shouted, I think you and Corinth should kiss!

Red was not my color, but apparently that's the shade my face liked to choose at moments like these—especially when my mom turned to wink at me from across the table. I pretended my water was the most interesting thing on the entire planet as I took a long, slow sip.

I noticed Corinth shove his sister playfully on the shoulder out of the corner of my eye. Leave her alone, Zoey. Finish coloring your picture. He pointed at a drawing of a giant fish she'd already colored a rich forest green.

Don't tell me what to do, Corinth Taylor. She stuck her tongue out at him. I can talk to whoever I want.

You tell him. He needs to learn manners, I said in solidarity.

Zoey was thrilled I'd sided with her as she yelled, He sure does!

Corinth mussed her hair up before she could finish the rest of what she was going to say. He was an awesome big brother. It made me wish I had siblings like him.

Hey, don't touch my hair, she said and ran in the opposite direction toward her parents.

His younger brothers, James (Jimmy for short), a gangly ten year old with the same dark messy mop of hair, and Peter, a chubby thirteen year old with shoulder length dirty blonde hair like his father, were whispering conspiratorially to each other. They loved Corinth but were closer to each other in age, so they spent most of their time planning pretend raids and coming up with battle strategies together..

Corinth's mom and dad were sitting near the other end of the table, now in the process of lecturing Zoey for the interruption.

Times like this made me miss having a normal family. Mom worked most holidays and I stayed at home eating pre-made microwavable meals. She'd try and get me to come to the hospital to visit—always telling me there was plenty of food—but I never went. It wasn't the same without Dad.

Before he left, we'd all cook together. He'd pick me up and put me on the kitchen counter and let me watch him: while we listened to Frank Sinatra’s ‘The Best is Yet to Come’, and Mom would open up a bottle of wine and cook while I watched them dance with joy until our food got cold.

My mom doesn't allow me to play Frank Sinatra in the house any more.

Zoey pointed in our direction and Corinth stuck his tongue out in response.

Mature, Taylor, real mature, I said with a snicker.

This from the girl who drinks cheese through a straw.

I grabbed my chest. You mocked me once Westley, never do it again.

Without missing a beat, he answered, Asssss yooouuuu wwwiiiiissssshhhhh. His eyes crinkled at the corners and I grabbed his hand. He glanced down quickly, just in time for me to pull my hand back awkwardly.

But when the food came, I forgot about the awkwardness and ate my way through bread, gumbo, and a fried oyster basket that was as big as my head.

Soon after, Mom and I said our goodbyes to everyone before leaving.

Outside, Corinth eyed me from the front of the restaurant and moved toward me with a determined look on his face. He stopped in front of me and turned to my mom with a sheepish smile. Can you give us a minute, Ms. Collins?

With a raised eyebrow and a wink, my mom retreated to the Toyota and got in.

The fact that he'd asked to speak to me made me nervous. My cheeks reddened as I let him pull me further away from the people spilling from the entrance.

Hey, can we talk about what happened the other night?

I guessed he wanted to get right down to it. What do you mean? I lied.

Corinth ran a hand through his dark locks. I was worried... you kind of left me hanging at the concert.

I've just been stressed—

He nodded. Yeah, so you said. The expression on his face made me stop abruptly; this time even my ears turned red as I realized how serious he was. He was never serious.

I like you, he admitted and it came out so quiet I almost missed it.

I wasn't good at being direct. And to be honest, I was kind of in shock. A cute guy I was crushing on had admitted he liked me. But my self-doubt came crashing back down and suddenly this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have right now, so I did what I always did. I changed the subject. What souvenir do you want me to bring back from England?

He threw his hands in the air, clearly upset. Do you even like me?

I wanted to tell him the truth. That I spent most of my day thinking about him. That whenever I needed an opinion about something it was his that mattered most, or that all I wanted to do was run my hands through that mane of his. That I wanted to stay up all night watching him play video games and drink caffeine... but instead, I settled for awkward silence.

He pursed his lips and after a beat, nodded in defeat.

The breeze tousled his hair and I got a whiff of his shampoo. It wasn't herbal or fruity, it smelled like mint and I hated myself for not having the courage to act on anything, even telling him how I felt.

I guess I better go, he said and turned to walk away, but I grabbed his arm to stop him.

Wait, I pleaded.

He turned back and there was a glint of hope in his eye that hadn't been there before.

Just tell him, dummy.

It would be good to get it off my chest.

I— I began but my mom honked the horn, scaring us both. I gave her the evil-eye as she motioned for me to hurry up.

Can we get together later? I asked him.

Yeah, sure. He shoved his hands into his pockets, hunched over, and left me standing there like an idiot.

Story of my life.

Chapter 5

◊

I WOULD TELL CORINTH everything. The more I thought about it the more my stomach celebrated with the occasional flip. It was something I wanted more than anything. Mom had one of her rare shifts off work from the hospital. All her spare time was spent tending to her vegetable garden out back. Today, her gardening gear consisted of a pink bandana, pink gloves, and her favorite pair of well-worn overalls. Her idea of therapy was spending hours in the backyard tending to her radishes, turnips, kale, and peppers. I might have enjoyed the garden a lot more if she'd at least plant some potatoes or watermelon. Personally, I didn't see the appeal. Texas weather was hot and humid in the summer and you were sweating by the time you even stepped outside. And it wasn't like my mom cooked a lot; she spent most of her time at the hospital anyway.

Penny for your thoughts? she asked, snapping me out of my reverie.

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and sighed. I'm thinking about my trip.

I kinda wish I was going with you, she said wistfully. I bet London will be a life changing adventure, especially since you've never even been out of the country before.

If she knew the real reason why I was going to London, she would freak. A sudden image of her beating my dad with her pink garden gloves popped into my head and I couldn't help but snicker. Yeah, her going with me was not a good idea at all. I mean, that was contingent on the fact that I even found him.

Seeing the faraway look on my face, she nodded in understanding. I sense this isn't about your trip though, is it?

I sat up straighter, trying to hide the panic I knew had to be written on my face. Uh oh, she'd somehow found out about my true intentions and I was about to experience the fallout.

It's really about a boy and his name starts with the letter C. Am I right? she asked.

I ran a hand across my mouth in relief and muttered, Maybe.

Corinth is quite the catch. She gave me a wink. He got tall didn't he? And that dreamy hair of his, too. She nudged me.

Mom! I groaned and covered my face as the heat started to creep up my neck and into my cheeks.

She waved a hand. I have to admit, that boy has had a crush on you since you were toddlers. Remember when he used to come over here with those little flowers he'd pick from the garden?

I risked a peek out through the cracks in my fingers covering half my face. Really? You think he likes me? I knew Corinth had admitted he liked me, but it was nice to have my mom reaffirm that fact out loud. It really didn’t get old, hearing it from a third party as well as from my own crush’s mouth.

She patted my hand and gave me a smile that said 'duh'. I watched as she grabbed her phone and turned on her meditation music—which consisted of a lot of flutes and odd piano chords that she said sounded soothing. The odd screeching noise hit my eardrums and I grunted in protest.

Before she marched outside, she turned to me. My advice, don't rush into anything. You have the rest of your life to figure it out. Have fun on your trip and focus on that. He'll be here when you get back.

I shrugged in defeat, thinking about how conflicted I felt. She was right though, the impending urge to leave and get my trip started hit me. Things were starting to look up and I was ready to see what life had in store for me.

I'll be in the garden if you want to talk. You should join me sometime; maybe help clear your head. A chord screeched out of the speakers on her phone and I scrunched up my face and plugged my ears. When I glanced back up, she was already outside, head bobbing to her odd music.

Back in my room upstairs, I tried to decide what to wear. It would probably be the last I would see of Corinth for a long time, so I dug into the very depths of my closet, feeling a little like an archeologist. This was part of my closet that hadn't been foraged through in years, so when I pulled out a simple black wrap dress Mom bought me on a whim a few years back, I grinned in triumph. Even with a few wrinkles and some dust, the dress still looked wearable.

I put it on and sucked in my gut.

Studying myself in my full length mirror wasn't something I did often these days. A pair of bright brown eyes stared back at me. My dirty blonde hair was pulled into its usual ponytail but I tugged it free and let it fall gently over my shoulders. Surprisingly, the dress camouflaged most of my muffin top and gave me a partial waistline. Hmmmm... never knew I had one of those, I muttered as I pulled on a pair of black flats.

I didn't really wear makeup but what the hell, I was leaving for a full summer and this was the last chance I'd have to tell Corinth how I felt about him. This was a now or never kind of situation. I threw on a little nude lip gloss and some mascara right as my cell phone rang and Corinth's picture popped up on the screen.

Hey, I answered breathily.

Hey, Larns, he said. I could hear the grin in his voice when he spoke. You ready?

I'm always ready, I answered.

I would expect no less. Okay, I'll be over in a sec.

He hung up. With one last look in the mirror, I was satisfied that it wasn't going to get any better. I went back downstairs to wait with bated breath. The more I tried to rehearse what I was going to say to him, the more nervous and silly I started to feel about this whole thing. And especially with the way I was dressed. This just wasn't me. By the time my mom walked in, I was almost ready to cancel our get together and run upstairs to change into my jeans and t-shirt.

She saw how I was dressed and her mouth dropped open.

Don't make a big deal out of this, I grumbled.

I could see she had about a thousand things she wanted to say, but instead, she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and moved back into the living room to join me. Bits of grass and dirt covered her over-alls and clung to her hair and her eyebrows rose comically as she studied me.

Not a word, Mom.

She gave me an all-knowing smile and drank a sip of water without a word, but her eyes sparkled in response. Thankfully, the doorbell rang before she could start the Spanish