About this ebook
Memories Beyond Time and Space: a Compilation of Readings of the Akashic Records
Dive deep into the mysteries of the Cosmos and uncover the timeless wisdom of the Akashic Records in this captivating collection of five complete readings. Whether you're a seasoned spiritual seeker or someone curious about the unknown, this ebook offers a profound and comprehensive exploration of the universal library where every thought, emotion, and event is recorded, from Earth and beyond.
What You'll Discover:
Insightful Narratives: each reading is a journey through the Akashic Records revealing the hidden connections between past, present, and future. These long-form essays provide a window into the soul's journey, offering guidance and clarity for life's most pressing questions.
Unveil an Untold Past: go beyond the limits of the known past to uncover connections between ancient, unknown histories and the present day, offering new perspectives on the forces that shape our lives and world.
Universal Themes: from purpose and hardship to dramatic experiences and timeless spiritual lessons, these readings address themes that resonate deeply with human experience and offer wisdom for anyone seeking to know and understand the spiritual nature of all reality.
A Bridge Between Worlds: this ebook serves as a bridge between the mystical and the mundane, presenting information from the Akashic Records in a way that is both accessible and engaging, where you will find new things to discover, learn, and explore wherever you are in your spiritual journey.
Why Read This Book?
In a world with noise and distraction aplenty, this book offers an opportunity for profound reflection. It invites you to step into a space where the physical and spiritual meet, where you can explore both the vastness of the universe and the depths of the soul. Each reading is a powerful reminder we are all part of something greater, connected through the invisible threads of infinite consciousness.
Nuno Alves
Nuno Alves is a dedicated spiritual practitioner and Akashic Records reader with a deep commitment to uncovering the spiritual truths that guide our lives. With years of experience accessing the Akashic Records—a vast repository of knowledge that chronicles the journey of every soul—Nuno has helped countless individuals gain clarity, insight, and healing on their spiritual paths. Though not a native English speaker Nuno has a profound ability to communicate complex spiritual concepts with clarity and precision. Clients from around the world often commend his work for its depth, accuracy, and the transformative impact it has on their lives. His approach is rooted in a blend of intuitive understanding and thorough research, allowing him to deliver readings that are both accessible and deeply insightful. Nuno's work goes beyond mere readings; it is about empowering others to understand their own spiritual journeys and to navigate life with greater awareness and purpose. Through his website, www.heartki.com, Nuno continues to share his knowledge, offering resources and guidance to those seeking a deeper connection to their soul's journey. This book, Memories Beyond Time and Space: A Compilation of Readings of the Akashic Records, is Nuno's first foray into publishing, bringing together some of the most profound readings he has conducted. It serves as a testament to his expertise and passion for helping others unlock the wisdom of the Akashic Records.
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Memories Beyond Time and Space - Nuno Alves
MEMORIES BEYOND TIME AND SPACE
Copyright © 2024 Nuno Alves.
ISBN: 979-8227491947
This book is a work of nonfiction. The names and details of individuals mentioned in this book have been changed to protect their privacy.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please contact the publisher at the website below.
Disclaimer: The materials herein are of a spiritual and subjective nature. You are responsible for discerning what is true to you, as well as for the interpretation you make of the information. No justification, representation, or claim is provided regarding the validity of the materials. Information which is spiritual in nature is generally meant to be assessed by one’s own discernment, thus promoting personal sovereignty, critical thinking, and spiritual growth. Nothing in this document implies, nor should be inferred, that the information presented represents the only, highest, or absolute truth. Further, the author's views are always evolving, therefore the perspectives under which a given reading was created may have changed since it was originally performed. The materials represent the best of the author's ability in intuitively receiving, interpreting, and relaying information at the time each reading was performed. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation for this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.
Published by Nuno Alves. For more information, visit: www.heartki.com
First edition. August 19, 2024.
Introduction
Memories Beyond Time and Space presents a collection of readings of the Akashic Records. The Akashic Records are the energetic archive containing the memories, history, and experiences, of every soul, and are a profound source of wisdom and knowledge that transcends time and space. My name is Nuno Alves and as a practitioner I dedicated years to the work of accessing these records, offering guidance and clarity to those seeking deeper understanding of their spiritual journey.
The Akashic Records, sometimes described as a cosmic library, hold the energetic imprint of every soul’s journey, encompassing past lives not just on Earth but other planets, as well as the core energy of the soul and the spiritual lessons forever shaping our reality and experience. In my work, I connect with this information to uncover the lessons, patterns, and insights in each individual’s path.
I perform each of my readings from distance, without the client's presence or participation being required in any way. For each reading I connect with the person's energy for a set amount of time, and afterwards I'll relay the information uncovered during this process to them, typically in writing. I rank my readings according to the time spent on them, with the largest taking around two full weeks of uninterrupted work, and producing for the client as a long-form, essay-style written document. This is the case for all readings presented here.
All the readings in this book are entirely unrelated. All were performed for different individuals and at various different points in time, encompassing a period of time spanning from 2014 up until the present day.
Whether you are familiar with the Akashic Records or encountering them for the first time, this book serves as both a resource and a testament to the value of spiritual inquiry. I invite you to approach the materials here with an open heart and mind, as insights shared here are meant to resonate on a deeper level, offering clarity, healing, as well as a renewed sense of connection to your own soul's journey, These readings are not merely reports of information, they are explorations into the fabric of the self's existence, revealing truths that extend beyond the individual and assisting the self in realizing and understanding their timeless existence, which is already there with them, and always will be.
Thank you for taking the time to explore this work.
Reading I
Tuhjk, The Great One
Preface for This Reading
This preface was not part of the original reading but has been added to provide additional insights and commentary. The reading itself received minor edits and is presented here largely as it was delivered to the client. The same approach applies to subsequent readings and their respective prefaces in this compilation.
The following is an early reading from 2014, performed a couple of years into my practice as a spiritual practitioner. Like most (though not all) of my readings, it follows a three-part structure: the first part involves reading a memory from the Akashic Records, the second part assesses possible emotional or spiritual patterns related to that memory in the present moment, and the third part offers clarity and healing to any unresolved energies present in the memory.
When conducting a reading, I do not control the direction the information takes, nor do I know beforehand what content will emerge. This becomes clear only as the reading begins and unfolds. This particular reading is an illustrative example not only of the general tone and structure of my readings but also of accessing a memory from a past life on another planet—something that is within the scope of my work. In this regard, it showcases the nature of my services well, which is why I selected it for this compilation.
You may also notice that, compared to others in this compilation, this is a relatively short reading. This is due to it being an earlier work. Over time, the readings I perform have tended to expand in size, meaning the amount of information I can produce within the same timeframe has increased. This was not a conscious intention but rather a byproduct of accumulated experience. I have a natural tendency to want to deliver more, to serve more, and to expand the scope of what I do, which may have influenced this expansion
effect. As my readings grew in size, they also broadened in scope, leading to a greater proportion of readings that assess the spiritual journey of the soul at a broad level, rather than focusing solely on specific past-life memories. Thus, this reading also reflects a shift in both size and scope between my earlier and later works.
As mentioned, my readings typically include an analysis of emotional or spiritual patterns that might be related to the memories and other spiritual insights addressed in the reading. This analysis is provided to the client as part of the spiritual work that accompanies the reading. However, it’s important to note—applicable to any and all situations—that such an analysis doesn’t necessarily imply that the memory addressed is solely responsible for those elements in the present day. The most appropriate perspective is to view the events in the memory as stemming from the same or similar spiritual elements of the inner self that may also be present to some extent today. In other words, an ancient memory can be associated with the current moment in the sense that it was influenced by the same spiritual dimensions and lessons of the self. Whenever a reading reveals a memory from the Akashic Records, I must assume there will be commonalities between that memory and aspects of the person’s current life, on some level, to some extent, and it is from this perspective that I often seek to extrapolate patterns that may relate to the information presented by the reading.
That being said, the primary purpose of a reading is to facilitate the recognition of one’s own spiritual essence. A significant part of what a reading does—at least in my approach—is to facilitate the recognition of those aspects of the self that transcend time and circumstance, a recognition that can be a powerful and fundamental aid in anyone’s spiritual journey. While it is never guaranteed that such recognition will be achieved by the client, this remains the fundamental intent behind all of my readings and work.
Part I: Memory
1.1 The Planet and the Ships
I see the surface of a planet. My point of view as the reader - like a person being shown a movie - stands above the atmosphere, not far from the surface. It's as if I’m very high in altitude or in orbit. I can see the darkness of space and stars, and the curvature of the planet’s horizon in the distance.
The surface of this planet, as seen from high above, is composed by long curves and waves in several tones of blue and brown. A stretch of dark blue is surrounded by another stretch of slightly lighter blue, then a variation of brown, an so on. The typical images we have of the surface of Jupiter in our solar system would be a close comparison with the shapes I see, illustrating these curves. But Jupiter is a gas giant planet, while the planet’s surface I see is firm solid ground, and the planet’s size is closer in scale to Earth.
I now pan my view to the left. As I do, I can now see the planet’s sun or star shining brightly. I feel the star may be relatively close to the planet compared to the distance from the Earth to the Sun. I now notice small ships flying, at the level of my point of view. These ships resemble Star Trek shuttles in shape, or so I feel. They are small and have a simple, boxy, rectangular shape, which doesn’t look very aerodynamic, and a large wide transparent window in the front from where the pilot can see forward - and through which they can be seen from the outside. These craft are buzzing around, transmitting to the reader/viewer the overall feeling of being busy
.
1.2 The Age of Flight
There are no other artificial objects in space around the planet, such as, for example, space stations or larger ships; all there is are these smaller ships. I feel their purpose is primarily performing readings of atmospheric parameters, electromagnetism, air pressure, things of that nature, from this high altitude. Unlike our satellites today, these are piloted manually. Each craft is crewed by either one pilot, or a pilot together with an engineer/scientist. Occasionally these craft are also used for various other purposes, such as transporting people or items from one point of the planet to the other, helping perform scientific experiments, and the like.
While it might sound this civilization was reaching the age of space exploration, in reality their technological stage would be more equivalent to the beginning of the age of flight on Earth, when the first airplanes began to be developed in the beginning of our XX century. This planet had a relatively thin atmosphere, and also relatively weak gravity. What they discovered was that, by applying rocket-like propulsion to a ground vehicle directed downward/vertically towards the ground, they could easily achieve elevation, and have vehicles fly across the air. The key for this ability to fly was therefore the development of their equivalent of rocket propulsion – more so than coupling propulsion with developing an aerodynamic bird-like shape for the vehicle, like what happened on Earth. This meant that at this point, flying vehicles were more or less a direct conversion of ground ones, inheriting their fairly boxy and square appearance, as there wasn’t as much need to decrease air resistance or oppose gravity through the vehicle's shape.
Further, low air resistance coupled with low gravity meant they discovered very quickly that, with little effort or technological adaptation, they could bring flying vehicles to very high altitudes, and even outside the planet’s atmosphere, close to space proper. Because of these circumstances, at this specific point in time, much like when airplanes began to be used on Earth, there’s a vibe
about these flying vehicles that's somewhat, experimental. They are a novelty and innovation, there isn’t a lot of history in using them, and there's a lot of curiosity and excitement in their use. Most of the pilots, developers, and engineers involved in this context were a little like inventors, intrepid explorers and daredevils, for the standards of their time. Suddenly the civilization could travel almost to space, which almost anyone had ever done prior to this point, at least not quite in such a glowingly widespread and easy manner. There was an energy of experimentation and exploration that was both exciting and naive. Everything was new, and to be explored.
1.3 The Pilot
When I inquire for Laura, I see a female pilot in one of these small ships. In physical appearance, the pilot’s skin is smooth, almost shiny, dark blue in color. Her eyes are small, beady, very dark. She's very petite, with a round-ish face. She's smiling. The expression on her face reminds me of a child that wanted to be a pilot in the Air Force, and is now flying an airplane as an adult. A dream come true. She's piloting one of these crafts, alone, by herself, and she’s enjoying it fully. This is a good memory. A memory of exultation.
On her head where ‘hair’ would be, I see strips or columns
of tied hair (or equivalent) each with a small, loose, larger round tip of hair at the end. Each of these strips of hair is relatively thick and rises vertically from its base, appearing relatively rigid. Between the strips in her head there's empty space, smooth regular skin without any hair, or so it appears. This ‘hair style’ or arrangement, even for the standards of her civilization, culture, species, and time period, strikes me as being extremely masculine-like: very assertive, bold, radical. This image, and the fact she's female, feel very significant. She’s very avant-garde for the cultural standards of her time.
As I ask for a name. In my mind I get something that put into words is close to: Tuh-Tuhjk-Mar
. The middle Tuhjk
is voiced with the sounds of Too-hook
, and Too-gee-k
simultaneously in the same sound. This would be perhaps difficult to voice in one word, but in English a close approximation would be to vocalize Tui-hook
. This name is how she was most commonly known for. When it comes to names, I usually state that whatever names and sounds I receive in readings may be both approximations of literal true names, a symbolic representation of the energy of the being/person at that time, or some combination of the two. I do feel this would be her actual name in a literal sense. I will address her as Tuhjk
from this point forward.
1.4 Cultural Context
The civilization on this planet, in many ways, is not as varied and complex as the one on Earth. There aren’t many countries/territories with different cultures and customs. The society as a whole is more homogeneous, less fragmented. The planet has a lot less, and much more scarcely distributed, population.
There’s far less water (or equivalent liquid?) on the surface of the planet. Most of the surface is dry land. Rather than having water as rivers and in large masses as oceans, the majority of water on the surface of the planet is as if embedded in the planet’s soil, fauna, flora, etc. I see the surface, as a whole, as if works as a large, widespread sponge
; there are many places of it with a large amount of water or humidity embedded into the environment itself, rather than existing a clear separation between primarily dry parts and primarily running or liquid/ocean parts.
The energy of the culture of the peoples on the planet (assessed from a very broad and simplified view) is primarily, and very strongly, one of calmness, stillness, smoothness. Individuals on average tend to be calm, collected, cold and cool, in terms of mood. I see a parallel between the physical color of their skin and of planet, and their demeanor. Individuals culturally foster a way of being that is harmonious and doesn’t create problems, that doesn’t raise waves
so to speak, a way of being that prioritizes being in harmony with all others. On one hand, this created a society that's mostly at peace, and working towards common goals. On the other, there's relatively small room for the individuality that differs from the norm, that rows against the current. Any sort of difference is perceived very negatively in the eyes of others. There weren’t many laws and regulations strictly designed against difference per se; but I do see that if you tried to be more of an outsider - if you tried to be a little unconventional, do things in a slightly different way, even if with the best of intentions, even with the smallest of things – you’d immediately be labeled, marked.
If you were different in any way, a cultural stigma would wash over you that would never again come off. It would be similar to someone on Earth serving time in jail out of having committed crimes, trafficking drugs, etc., and then coming out to society – there would be this stigma you would never be able to completely get rid of. Individuals could be denied opportunities and face social exclusion, even for small things, and there was virtually no way to gain your reputation back. Once you were labeled as something different to a sufficient extent, you would always remain with this placed upon you. This would be a cultural aspect only easily noticed by someone observing from outside, from a different perspective. To them, however, this was simply a de facto norm. It would be how things were, outside of which not much else existed.
Further, cultural roles of genders were extremely polarized. Men (or rather the beings of the masculine gender) were expected to fulfill all roles related to and characterized by innovation, research, exploration, thinking, and agility of the mind, as well as bravery, tenacity, flexibility, and intelligence. They were expected to handle all things new and exciting, and potentially dangerous. Women, on the other hand, were expected to stick rigidly to all conservative norms, as much as possible. I’m shown a stereotypical image for comparison: of a middle-aged, middle-eastern woman on Earth completely covered in cloth only with eyes showing, who is tasked with and expected solely to tend to children, cook, mend clothing, and maintaining the household, and nothing else. This image is not intended as derogatory to middle-eastern cultures and respective elements, only to transmit the image of a person (or gender/class in this case) who's highly hampered and limited culturally, almost being prevented from speaking and expressing herself, which is the case with many cultures on Earth today to some extent, middle-eastern or otherwise.
Women in this civilization were expected to handle all which was monotonous, non-exciting, mundane. They were expected to tend to all things that didn’t involve any novelty, instead consisting mostly of menial, perhaps repetitive and routine, tasks and chores. It could be said all fun
, exciting
, and intellectually demanding things, all what was considered pushing boundaries, as well as all risk-taking and decision-making about it, were reserved for the male gender. Again, I don’t feel many punishments or strict laws existed against anyone diverging from these norms. It wasn’t a particularly violent culture, at least not in terms of physical aggression or harsh punishment. But it was a culture that would heavily condemn and outcast those who veered off norm.
Those who condemned the ways of another wouldn't necessarily speak out or act. They simply would not connect, engage, or give attention to the person being that way. That person would then become an outcast out of the collective perspective and behavior adopted by all others. It was an emotional suppression of unspoken words; it would become a silent sea of disapproval, rejection, lack of connection, put in place without signs or warnings. One day it would simply be in place, and there was nothing you could do about it, once it was. Over time, this was a way that this society had found to prevent violent, criminal, or otherwise dissonant/dangerous behavior. Any behavior that was unexpected, wild
, or divergent, would immediately be frowned upon. The civilization had reached a collective, non-explicit consensus to handle most dissent and possibly extreme behavior in a non-violent way. So it could be said this was a very peaceful culture – but perhaps not without a cost.
Because of this characteristic of the civilization of this time, experiences for Souls incarnating here could be extremely polarized: you either lived a life were you were perfectly accepted by social standards; or, if you wanted to live more free to do and be as you wanted, you’d risk living an entire life emotionally rejected, as an outcast, and mostly on your own, by yourself. We reiterate, this was more of a social overlay rather than something written as rules or laws. It was a little like the culture in a company – it's mostly an attribute that's not written anywhere, it's not explicit, but it exists in the mindsets, expectations, and in the everyday ways of being and relating to one another, of all those working there.
The minute you so much hinted you were possibly different, acted differently, thought differently – or even thought of doing so - all eyes on you immediately. There was an unspoken fear, in everyone, that a source of difference allowed at any point could act aggressively against harmony, and bring negative and destructive consequences towards all others. A person adopting such behavior would always be a possible source of negativity, violence, and destruction – of evil
, if you will. So the minute someone did something construed as different, right away they'd felt an immense pressure and weight from others, who were themselves fearful dissonance would be source of harm. This reading doesn't mean to imply such a mindset is either correct or incorrect, good
or "bad; it just portrays how this civilization at this point in time would culturally react to perceived difference, likely as an adaptation to past adversities, which in turn is presented to provide a cultural background and context to the experience in this life/memory.
All things remotely different were immediately placed under the spotlight. Your every moved would be watched, as if the collective of others around you would stand still waiting in anticipation to see if you were going to do something bad – even if you never once again did so. It was the potential: the unknown factor, the possibility, the opening of the door, that scared others. The moment you were labeled as different, a heavy stigma was placed upon you that you'd never really be able to disprove. It was as if a ‘disease’ or a ‘flaw’ had been discovered in you. The uncertainty would follow you thereafter, whenever you went, as long as the eyes of others were there. Such was the hidden fear of this culture. There were still jobs, activities, useful things that could be done by someone bearing such a stigma. But the social connection to others would be next to gone. Suddenly the individual wouldn’t feel accepted, connected to, or ‘loved’ by the rest. They'd receive far less energy and acceptance from others, instead incurring in a vast weight of social pressure and anxiety. An unspoken form of ostracisation, or soft
social banishment so to speak, would be in place.
Because of this, doing things differently was seen as a risk, and not something most individuals were willing to do. Those that would diverge enough from the norm would receive the labeling of ‘outcasts’, ‘mavericks’, ‘daredevils’. Such as on Earth cultures living in cold weather might have multiple terms for ‘snow', this society had a plethora of terms to describe social standings, and particularly to refer to the different, to the outcast, to the misfits - those that had deviated, as if fallen to the dark.
It was in this context that, to some extent, pushing against boundaries was marginally more accepted (or less rejected) for males rather than for females; but this consideration still existed within a climate of ingrained, widespread fear of rocking the boat, of doing things differently. This was a fear that was always present, in some way of another, in every individual, thus existing all throughout the society pervading it, much like most of the moisture on this planet in a physical sense existed embedded in the environment, rather than in discernible bodies of water. In certain ways, this was a society that was deeply encased in its own fear, to an extent frozen by it.
1.5 Beyond The Norms
For the reasons explained, you may perhaps understand how Tuhjk, in every way imaginable, was breaking all the norms and customs of her day and age.
On those days, only males would be expected to pilot the flying ships, and travel to the skies past the point where it’s always dark night
– the expression used for going to the edges of space and the novelty (and risk) of that experience. In the beginning, there were little safeguards to prevent a surface-built flying vehicle to fly past the point of no return i.e. to so high/far that it would not be able to come back from space, drifting off aimlessly without being able to come back to the ground. The flying itself was done manually by the pilot, and involved a degree of trial-and-error - as well as bravery: an ethos of attempting to go as far as possible, farther than before, without crossing that invisible point of no return. And on occasion some really did fly so high they never came back. Pilots in this context were a little like test pilots of today, when prototype aircraft are being newly developed and tested. There was always a fair amount of risk involved, along with the bravery and temerity necessary for the undertaking.
For this civilization and its rigidly silent values about behaving in a safe and non-disruptive way, this new technology allowing flying to the unknown – repeatedly – was in itself an act of exploration, defiance, bravery, as well as permission for novelty, difference, and excitement. It was a stretching of the envelope for the society as a whole, both in a literal sense (going beyond what's unknown) and also in a figurative, cultural one (stretching the ingrained values of what was safe, sound, and non-disruptive). And within all of it, taking part in it, was Tuhjk.
Tuhjk had been born in this lifetime as a female, determined on a spiritual level to experience the opposite pole of what were the norms for social customs: to be the absolute daredevil, dismissing those unspoken social rules, and doing so with the risk of being completely exposed and rejected by everyone else. This was aided by the technological advent of flying vehicles that would come. Being an area of bravery and novelty, it would have a cultural stigma that would be, ever so slightly, lower than within the rest of the activities and areas of her society. It would be an event that would represent an opening, a window of opportunity, if you will. During her lifetime, despite the sea of social tensions about going against the norm, Tuhjk figured by herself that technically (legally
) nothing existed to stop a female from going through the tests, applying to the vacancies, and proving she could fly. In practice, as far as she was concerned, others could reject her all they wanted - but no one could actually say No to her as she pursued it!
So Tuhjk simply thought outside the box and moved to do what she wanted: her sheer fearlessness gradually opened doors for her, and she found her way onto the profession she wanted: being a pilot of one of these ships.
Laura, Tuhjk in that lifetime, had spent many incarnations in this planet experiencing and balancing both sides of this duality: either completely fulfilling the norms, or breaking them out of a context of being an outcast. Which as a range for experiences, was in alignment with the way life on the planet worked, it was what the planetary collective allowed to be experienced when incarnating. Prior to this lifetime, she had in particular accumulated such a large amount of memories doing what others expected, conforming, that as a spirit this time around she wanted to be born with an extremely high degree of temerity, purposefully, so that once she'd be born and as life progressed she wouldn’t cave in to the social pressures of others.
She wanted to boldly break as much norms as possible during her lifetime, in a day and age where all kinds of boundaries were rapidly going to be expanded, both the boundary that was the sky, and also the boundaries within people’s minds. She wanted to be a teacher to others, she wanted to show the way. She wanted to show how to widen the limits, how to expand the boundaries, and how to stretch what was frowned upon, not allowed. She wanted to teach others that it could be okay to breach some norms if it meant following your passions. And now there she was, flying through the edge of space, on her own, boldly going where no female had gone before.
1.6 Inner Tension
For this incarnation, Tuhjk was born suppressing the sides of her that supported/aligned/believed in the rigidity of her societal rules. This was the intention she had given to herself, in order for in this lifetime to pay little attention to any social norms, and have the strength and certainty of mind to do so, so she could go beyond them and achieve her goals.
However, this didn’t mean she was completely unaffected by this aspect.
Deep within her, there was some tension. She knew she was pushing the boundaries of what most other individuals thought, felt, believed in. While this path was what she wanted to do, deep in the back of her mind a part of her still doubted this was the right thing to do, or how much it was correct – as it would be human to feel. Deep down she was somewhat unsure of what was right
or wrong
; it was a doubt of principle, of ideology if you will. Should you be breaking the rules like that? And by crossing the boundaries in this manner as she was doing, that same part of her wondered if she was tempting fate by these actions. Deep beneath in some part of her mind, doubt was stirring. And it was normal for it to happen. You can't simply delete a whole history of participation in a civilization, even if for some time, on a particular occasion, you allow yourself to fall more into a particular ideological alignment more than to others. And for this civilization, acting in a dissonant manner was a central topic.
There was a duality of beliefs in this civilization, as well as within Tuhjk herself, which could be said to be spiritual. This duality could be described as being about the following two polar opposites:
• the value of rigidity adhering to the norm, which provided safety and peace collectively, but stifling emotions and individuality in a proportional way, vs
• not sticking to the norm at all, which afforded personal freedom of expression, but also near complete social isolation, being on your own
.
Just because Tuhjk had chosen to suppress within herself the latter perspective, she had still some doubts within, which caused tension. She felt this doubt more unconsciously than consciously – after all, it was somewhat suppressed, by her own choice, otherwise the doubt could have hampered her in her path for this lifetime. But all the while she was walking fearlessly against all possible norms, the tension within her was also rising. She doubted and feared not having support; not really knowing what she was doing; being caught off guard while having been ostracized and outcast; and not knowing what else she didn’t know! On top of it she was female, and females were believed to be unsuited to all activities of a daring nature, that demanded bravery, thinking, and on-top-of-the-knee responses. She was afraid she would be caught in/by something unexpected, that she didn’t know how to handle. Females were believed to be inflexible, non-adaptable, and intellectually slow. And just because she wanted to prove and teach otherwise, and no matter how certain she could be inside, this didn’t make her invulnerable to the opinion of the collective.
There was a lesson she wanted to offer, not only to society but to herself; a lesson about being courageous and breaking molds; but nevertheless she was walking a tight rope. At the end of the day she would always be alone no matter what happened. And so would always be reliant on being validated by her own actions and choices, by the outcomes of the events – as validation, support, help, would likely never arrive from others.
1.7 Departure
One day Tuhjk was piloting her craft, by herself, returning to the base after another flight to the edge of space. This wasn’t the first time she flew,