Snakebitten: Shadows of Eireland, #3

CHAPTER ONE

Sadb cut low and wide, her speed close to unnatural. I leaped backward, with much less nimbleness and with much more desperation than I’d hoped for. I slashed my own weapon rather blindly, not even trying to strike her, only hoping to buy myself some time.

As I landed, I caught a smirk, making it clear I failed to fool her, and all of a sudden, the training room became smaller. Even though I was somewhat in the middle of its open space, I felt like a cornered animal with no way out.

My instincts weren’t wrong. Within several quick steps, Sadb was in front of me, her training blade by my neck. All I got to do in that time was blink.

I spread my arms in a surrender gesture, because I was tired enough to make even more mistakes, and I had no doubt that I’d pay for each dearly. Ever since I got serious about training with her, Sadb had stopped beating me up, but bruises still happened. While she always delivered her strikes with immaculate precision, my own moves still resembled jerks of a spider hit with bug spray, so once or twice I put my limbs in the trajectory of her training weapon.

You came to train on a morning after a dangerous ambush when ceannasaí told us all to rest, she said. And you haven’t used your curses at all.

Suspicion was clear in her words, and I couldn’t blame her. Curses, or rather the props we used during training, were the only thing that made it possible for me to land any hits on her. And with my officially joining the team, which took me off the hook when it came to basic training, Sadb was right to expect me to skip a day, or even a week, of being her punching bag.

She inspected me with narrowed eyes. Is this about Riagán? she asked before I could come up with an answer. Last night, in the showers, you looked comfortable enough, so we left you two alone, but if he did something…

I shook my head without hesitation. No, everything’s fine.

At least, I hoped it was.

We had plans for that evening that included fulfilling our promises to each other and, if I understood it right, expressing feelings for each other. Showering together, to wash off the memories of the ambush we’d both risked our lives in, was the first step. And then the second step had never happened. Hot water and Riagán’s caress took away the immense stress of being bait and worrying for his life, and once they were gone, my body was ready to give up on being alert and awake. I vaguely remembered getting back to Riagán’s room and into his bed, but no conversation ever happened.

I could swear he said something before I faded off, but I had no recollection of his words, only his voice, soft and caring… But was there disappointment in it as well? In the morning, I regretted not making an effort to stay awake, even if I had to fight my body every step of the way. But with Riagán still asleep, in that deep slumber exhausted people fall into, it felt better to go about my routine rather than lie awake and speculate.

Something of my thoughts must have reflected on my face, because Sadb said, And that’s why you’re here, training, and without curses on top of that, as if you were asking for a beating.

It’s because I realized you were right. I gave her the victory she was due and got an arched eyebrow in response. I rely on my curses too much, and after each fight I will have to restock or remake at least some of them. If I’m in the field longer, I might run out of them too quickly.

I expected her to at least give me the I told you so look, but instead, she was looking at me with a mix of concern and suspicion.

I can never tell with you whether you’re saying what you think I want to hear or if you actually mean it, she said. Her face changed, with a flash of pain twisting it, but she got it under control quickly. If Laoise was here, I’d send you straight to her. Or Cait. They were both much better at it. But there’s only five of us now, and unless you’d rather talk about Riagán with Faolan or our ceannasaí, I’m your only choice.

She took me by surprise. In the past weeks, her attitude toward me had changed, and my being a team player when it came to the ambush we’d set and other situations likely had something to do with it, but I hadn’t expected she’d be actually interested in any kind of personal relation.

At loss for words, I said the first thing that came to mind: You have a point there, but I could also try Connor… Outside of the Scáthanna, he was my only friend at the Court, and I was comfortable talking to him.

Sadb snorted. Taking relationship advice from a mythborn who can’t get his own feelings sorted? At least I can say I had a relationship.

The way she said it made it clear it had been a good one, too. And the way she looked at me… She cared, even if only because I was her teammate.

I took a breath.

We were supposed to talk last night, but I was so tired that I didn’t really make an effort to make it happen, I said. I don’t want Riagán to think that I was trying to avoid that conversation. When I woke up, he was still deep asleep, so I came up here.

Her eyebrows shot up in a genuine surprise. You sleep together.

Since I found no disapproval in her voice, it must have been something normal enough among mythborn. I nodded without getting into explaining that we just slept together.

It’s not how the humanborn do it, is it? she asked with genuine curiosity.

"Humans… We… They are all over the place. Some have sex almost immediately, while others wait till marriage. I shrugged. I suppose figuring out relationships is difficult no matter if you’re human, humanborn, myth-touched, or mythborn. But Riagán and I are trying, and we haven’t ruined it so far."

Her face softened with a smile. When Riagán got interested in you, we all thought this wasn’t going to end well. You proved us wrong. More than that. It’s been a while since a certain humanborn who was playing a myth-touched walked in here. Sadb made a gesture encompassing the room. Now she’s a real myth-touched and a real Shadow. If you still want to train, come in the mornings when you’re free, and I’ll teach you more. I’ll also get Faolan to spar with us. This way, you can learn how to fight alongside your teammates… and maybe finally get a win.

I was quite certain that such a feat would require both Cathal and Riagán to join the sparring match, with all four of us against Sadb, and I still anticipated our loss.

Now that would be a victory worth celebration, I said more to myself than her.

She cocked her head, attentive and catching that there was more to my remark.

Yesterday wasn’t enough. She didn’t make it a question, as if she knew I wouldn’t deny it.

That yesterday she referred to already felt like a lifetime ago, though the echo of adrenaline still coursed through my veins, and the memories of the ambush I was willing bait in were still fresh. Yesterday was when I expressed my disappointment that our efforts brought us nothing but the name of our enemy, something he could easily change, and his description, which also could be altered to a degree. But yesterday was also when the Scáthanna recognized me as their member, and it meant a lot to them after all the losses they’d suffered, even if I personally felt like I hardly did anything worth such inclusion.

But the way Sadb said it… It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t an accusation either. She was agreeing with me, and knowing enough of her personal past, I understood why. We all wanted revenge for the deaths of Laoise, Cait, and Lorcan, but even if they were like family to everyone on the team, only Sadb had a lover among them.

It’s not going to be enough until he pays, I said with force.

Sadb gave me a short nod. He will.

I didn’t share her conviction. While I had no doubt that the Court had enough power to chase down a mythborn like Muiredach simply by finding his associates, hideouts, and other resources he relied on, Eireland was big enough and empty enough for him to disappear somewhere in the countryside. He could hide in Wicklow Mountains or even far in the west, staying clear of large cities, and if enough time passed, the Court would be less willing to stay focused on a one-man hunt. Out of sight, out of mind… Or, as Polish people would say, what goes away from your eyesight also goes away from your heart—and the Court’s heart would be hardly in it to begin with. This was the Scáthanna’s enemy.

Sadb was watching me, and I had a feeling she knew exactly what I was thinking. "We will never stop hunting him."

There was power and determination in her words. It said that nobody came after the Scáthanna and got away with it. Muiredach hurt us bad, and we would make sure he paid… even if it meant hunting him forever.

But that’s tomorrow. Sadb gave me a friendly nudge. Today, you should rest. Spend time with Riagán.

It was kind of her to say so, especially when she was dealing with her own loss, but at the same time, I felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t hard to picture her sitting alone in her room or maybe training to exhaustion, consumed by dark thoughts and overwhelming pain.

I’d been where she was when my sister died by a giant, and I knew all too well that being alone during such time brewed wrong ideas and even worse actions.

I hesitated, unsure what I could offer her. She’d hardly be interested in hanging out with me and Riagán, being an obvious third wheel, and I couldn’t force her to spend time with anyone else. I also didn’t have the stamina to insist she trained me more.

Don’t worry about me, she said all of a sudden. I have a name. I have a target. I’ll be fine.

I should have dropped the topic, allowing Sadb her excuse and myself some peace of mind. But just as she cared about me, I did about her, so I asked, And what happens when the target is no more?

After that, I suppose, I could show you how to kill giants.

I gaped, thoughts running through my head like panicked little animals. I hadn’t told anyone in the Scáthanna, not even Riagán, about how my sister died. Only a handful of people knew—my old team from the wartime, Albert, possibly Orla…

My thoughts came to a screeching halt. This was enough. I might never talk about Ela’s death, but it wasn’t a secret, and I didn’t see it as one. So it would take as little as someone mentioning it to someone else in passing, perhaps out of care or concern for me, and another person would know. Then another, and another… Then someone else eavesdropping would pass the knowledge further, and there were many information brokers in Dublin, some more interested in secrets and personal details that could be exploited, so it wasn’t a surprise that the Scáthanna learned about my past, especially about an event so important to me.

Sadb had already turned away from me, starting a series of complex strikes and transitioning from training me to practicing on her own.

I took the cue, put my training weapon and curses away, and headed for the door.

Yet her words still rang in my ears. I had never expressed a desire for revenge, and I hadn’t even thought about it. At the time my sister died, I was too shocked to feel anything but the overwhelming pain that tore me apart, shattering any clear thought I could have had. I didn’t even care to pay attention to the giant who did it. Ela’s death was all that mattered at that time. Of course, I hated giants and feared them all the same, but I never attached those feelings to any particular creature. Even now, when perhaps I finally had means to exact some kind of revenge, I didn’t feel the need for it. I always perceived giants as mindless beings, so to seek retribution from them would be like seeking retribution from a storm that tore your house’s roof.

Sadb was smart, and she clearly knew me well enough to have guessed that. I had no doubt that she wouldn’t back out if I decided to take her up on her offer, but I was also certain her remark was meant to be something else. She was reminding me that I experienced a loss as great as hers, and I managed to go on, no matter how much I suffered.

So when she said she would be fine, she meant it. Perhaps she was also suggesting that I shouldn’t be butting into her grieving process, whatever it was, especially since it wasn’t likely her first loss either. Of course, it didn’t mean I shouldn’t care or be concerned about her, but until she sought my help, I should stop mommying her.

Same time tomorrow? she asked just when I was about to leave.

I sent her a smile. Sure. If I have nothing better to do.

Her dry laugh was the only response.

I spent way too much time in the shower, especially considering that I was in there alone, without any distractions from one handsome and cheeky mythborn archer. Of course, simply thinking of Riagán made me long for his company, especially that we didn’t get to talk the previous night.

I had never considered myself overly romantic, and war—along with my tangled relationship with Albert—had washed out any sentiments toward heartfelt expressions of one’s feelings, but Riagán’s behavior had reignited the spark of wanting something like that in a relationship. I was certain he wouldn’t go all mushy with me, but the prospect of having someone looking softly into my eyes and at the same time being ready to have serious conversations instead of a string of constant arguments was an appealing one. It seemed… healthy. Like something a relationship should be.

Sadb was right about spending some time with him, as worry-free as we could manage before we had to risk our lives again.

Then, when I got out of the showers, I saw Cathal leaning against the doorframe. Deep in thought and motionless, he came to life as soon as our eyes met, giving me that sinking feeling I wouldn’t get to spend the day carelessly.

Much less relaxed than moments ago, I rushed to put my clothes on. Cathal might not seem in a hurry, but I wanted to know what was going on.

Riagán said you were training with Sadb, he said when I finally approached him. And she said you already left. Is there’s something else you were planning to do?

I wanted food, and I wanted Riagán, but I shook my head. Both could wait.

He headed out into the corridor, motioning for me to follow. We walked into his office, and after he closed the door, he pushed his only chair toward me.

Take a seat.

Before I could object, he sat on top of his desk in a relaxed pose, suggesting we were going to have an informal talk… or at least that I wasn’t in trouble. With no other choice, I sat down as well.

You’re going to Trinity, he said. The lady requested it, and I won’t refuse.

"She requested it?" I couldn’t help my suspicions.

After months of keeping me away from Albert and other Trinitians, Lady Eithne was all of a sudden sending me to Trinity… There had to be more to it, and I could only hope it wasn’t Albert doing something stupid out of an ill-conceived care for my wellbeing. There was also the matter of Eithne playing some political game in which she wanted me as her pawn. Just because I answered to Cathal now didn’t mean I could ignore her requests, no matter what schemes she weaved.

We lost contact with Tadgh. Cathal seemed to be reading my mind—not that it was difficult, considering what I thought of Eithne. Our other sources at Trinity suggest that he might have been imprisoned, but we don’t know on what charges. The lady believes you might be the only person who can figure out what happened without putting him in more danger.

I exhaled slowly. Last time I’d met Tadgh, the only mythborn Trinitian, he implied that he had ties with the Court, but to hear about it so openly reminded me once more that no matter how I wanted to look at my current situation, I had switched sides. What was worse, no matter how much I wanted or tried, from now on I’d be forever keeping some things secret from Albert.

I just hoped that the price I was to pay for my choice of joining the Scáthanna wouldn’t be too steep.

I’ll do what I can, I said. I didn’t have to tell him to not expect miracles.

Cathal nodded. I’ll send Sadb and Faolan with you. You’ll be the lady’s messenger, and they’ll act as your guards. You should receive the Court’s emblem and a suiting outfit shortly.

If the mood was lighter, I’d amuse myself by picturing one Kaja doing an impression of one Eithne, complete with trying to move so gracefully that it looked like flowing in the air. Yeah… That wasn’t going to happen even if I wanted to try.

If it’s possible, I’d prefer to go in my uniform instead.

I’d surprised him, and he didn’t manage to hide it. That’s… unexpected.

Even though I didn’t fuss too much about wearing the Scáthanna’s outfit in general, he must have suspected I was still uneasy about it at times. I also didn’t wear it when we went to visit my alchemist friend, Max, and he likely thought I’d prefer to wear something neutral for a Trinity visit too.

Albert will learn soon enough, if he hasn’t already, I said. If he catches me lying, I blow any chance I have at helping Tadgh. I assume that the lady’s hope of solving this relies on me still having Albert’s trust.

Wearing our uniform isn’t going to help with that trust. Cathal was watching me with curiosity.

No, it won’t, I agreed. But at least I’d have the chip of never having lied to him to play.

Very well. You’re being sent because you know how to best handle Albert, and since the lady decided to leave it up to you, I see no reason to impose anything on you. He sighed. I would, though, accept both the emblem and the outfit when they are delivered.

Less hassle this way, I agreed.

The last thing we needed was Eithne overruling my decision and forcing me into an outfit that could be considered deceptive.

Take your time with this one, Kaja. If you think your success requires you to be friendly with Albert and spend hours talking about the past, or the present, no one will hold it against you. And if you need a private conversation, Sadb and Faolan will know not to insist to be by your side all the time, although it would be good if they were always nearby.

I knew he wasn’t suggesting that I was in any real danger from Albert or other Trinitians. Sure, Albert could insist on keeping me there if he decided that the Court was using me against my will, but he wouldn’t put me in any real danger.

Muiredach, I said.

Cathal nodded grimly. I’m sure he’s going to try again. He targeted you once already, even when he suspected we were baiting him, which means he believes you have whatever information he seeks.

I wasn’t so sure about it. I’d been with the Scáthanna for such a short time, I barely had access to any secrets, but the fact was that Muiredach didn’t seem to care. Unless, of course, I became an unexpected opportunity, and he wanted me for other information I knew. I did know many Trinitian secrets, and once he was done extracting those, then he’d resume hunting for what he wanted from the rest of the Scáthanna.

I sighed. I couldn’t reassure Cathal that Trinity would be a safe place. Muiredach clearly had spies at the Court, so we had to assume he had informants among Albert’s people as well.

There’s one more thing I want to discuss with you, Cathal broke the silence first. I won’t give you an order. This is something that you have to agree to, because I’d put you in more danger than just being bait in a trap. I’ll tell you what I have in mind, but if you agree, you’ll mention it to no one, not even Riagán. I trust all of my team, but it would be enough for someone else to eavesdrop on your conversation with others, and Muiredach could learn about it. If it happens, it’ll mean your death. He looked me in the eye. This goes way beyond the orders I give, and if after hearing me out you aren’t certain you can do it, you should refuse, and I’ll think no less of you. We’ll find another way.

I took a slow breath in, then let the air out even slower. The tone of his voice made it clear that whatever he had in mind verged on a suicide mission. Yet if it was within my means to do it, I wouldn’t refuse. In the war, I carried out Albert’s orders without questioning them or thinking about myself, and I was hardly a Trinitian back then. I couldn’t do less for the people who were becoming my family and for whom I was starting to care about deeper than anyone else.

Besides, if we didn’t do something to gain the upper hand over our enemy, I could end up dead anyway—along with all other members of the Scáthanna.

If you think I can do it, I’ll do it.

As soon as I changed into my uniform, I knocked on Riagán’s door.

Perhaps I should have waited to have my mind clearer after the conversation with Cathal sent it spinning, but I didn’t want any more delays. Even though Eithne’s request wasn’t urgent enough to force me to drop everything and go immediately, I sensed that neither her nor Cathal would appreciate my sluggishness. After all, Tadgh’s life could be on the line.

Riagán’s voice came from the inside, the mythborn word that I’d learned to recognize as an invitation to enter, so I opened the door