Knock It Off!

Copyright 2022

All rights are reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission except in the case of brief quotes used in reviews or articles.

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Cover Design by Renata Strauss

Interior Layout by Renata Strauss

Dedication

For my kids: Geoff Cooper, Jeanna Cooper Smith,

and Michael Thayer. You know I have a song lyric

for everything, and you can imagine my choice.

Acknowledgment

It is impossible to put a project like this together single-handedly. So many people encouraged me, prayed for me, held me accountable to deadlines, allowed me to tap into their expertise, and shared their you won’t believe this stories. I would like to thank each of them, but that just might add up to enough pages to equal another book. Instead, if you’re reading this and you helped out even in a small way, please know it was huge to me.

Now, for some specific acknowledgments. I so appreciate:

My Doctoral Project Prayer Team: Suzi Cooper, Gayle Irwin, and KPaul Maurer. There were days when I didn’t think I could research or write another word. You answered my SOS texts immediately with much-needed encouragement. Thank you for keeping me lifted before the Lord.

My illustrator: Rachel DeMaere Reilly. You did an incredible job of taking what I saw in my head and putting it in perfect pixelation. I’m so glad you get my sense of humor. I LOVE what you came up with, but not as much as I love YOU.

My project chair: Dr. Diane Wiater. I can’t even. I do not have adequate words to express how much knowing you has improved me. In the words of the Apostle Paul, I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.

My fellow professional women: Alyssa Thayer, Amy White, Kate Rice, Kyleen Braxton, Kaitlin McGuire, Liz Waldron Knight, Neva Bodin, and Gayle Irwin. Thanks for sharing your funny stories, frustrations, and wealth of wisdom. And thanks for listening to me talk out these ideas, helping me work through edits, and for your overall cheerleading. You each inspire me.

My editor: Clare Wood. Thank you for walking me through this publishing process and keeping the whole project moving forward despite my propensity for self-sabotage. We embarked on this project during difficult seasons for each of us. Thanks for listening, encouraging, and keeping me laughing.

CONTENTS

Title Page

Are You A Jerk @Work?

Introduction

SECTION ONE: YOU GOTTA KNOW YOURSELF TO SELL YOURSELF

1. What’s Your Type?

2. What Are Your Strengths?

3. Appreciation Languages

SECTION TWO: FIRST IMPRESSIONS

4. Your Personal Appearance

5. Your Résumé

6. Scheduling The Interview

7. The Interview

SECTION THREE: YOU GOT THE JOB! NOW WHAT?

8. Preparing For Your First Day

9. What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

10. The Fastest Ways To Lose Your New Job

11. Becoming Indispensable

SECTION FOUR: FINISHING WELL

12. Toxic Workplaces

13. Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

14. Exit Right

Conclusion

References

ARE YOU A JERK @WORK?

Generally, when we hear the word jerk, we think of someone who is rude, crude, annoying, bullying, arrogant, dismissive, or argumentative. The list of adjectives is seemingly infinite and always negative, and often describes deliberate behaviors. You may not identify as a jerk, and maybe you’re not.

Buuuuut …

Do you think it’s possible for others to think you’re a jerk for reasons you never even thought about or for behaviors you didn’t realize were upsetting to others? Maybe you are a jerk at work and you don’t even know it! Perhaps you don’t have a job right now, so you’re thinking, I can’t be a jerk at work because I don’t go to work! Think about this: maybe you’re being a jerk in your job search, and that’s keeping you from getting hired.

The first step in learning how to quit being a jerk at work is to assess your level of jerkiness. (Is that even a word? Let’s say it is.) Once you realize you have a jerkiness problem, you can take steps to knock it off! Read through the Are You a Jerk @ Work Checklist below and put a checkmark next to each item that describes you.

Are You a Jerk @ Work Checklist

I don’t have a résumé.

I do have a résumé, but it’s outdated and incomplete, and may have a typo or two. (OK, maybe more, I haven’t proofread it.)

If a job listing requires a cover letter, I either send a résumé and refuse to include a cover letter, or I don’t bother to apply at all.

If I do send a cover letter with my résumé, I keep it simple so I can use the same documents for every job I apply for.

I have no idea what my strengths are.

I rarely, if ever, check my email or voice messages.

I don’t answer my phone. Just text me.

I answer my phone all the time, even if I’m in the middle of a job interview. You never know, it could be an emergency.

I take a lot of selfies at work.

I complain about my current or previous job, boss, and coworkers on social media.

I make a lot of I can’t wait for the weekend!! and OMG, it’s Monday already posts on social media.

I’m always running late, but it’s OK because I make it up over lunch or at the end of the day.

I live by the statement, My life, my rules.

I believe if you want my respect, you have to earn it.

I’m not afraid to tell you exactly what I think.

Everybody gets into arguments at work. It’s no big deal.

I’m a super casual person and it doesn’t matter what I wear to work; I’m still a hard worker.

I love chatting with my coworkers and take every opportunity to keep up with all the company gossip.

Sometimes I bring stuff home from work, like notepads or extra toilet paper. They’ll never miss it.

I like to bring leftovers for lunch, heat them up in the microwave, and eat at my desk. My favorite lunch items include fish, raw onions, lots of garlic, strong cheeses, brussels sprouts, and hard-boiled eggs.

I enjoy playing pranks on my coworkers, especially when they repeatedly tell me to stop.

I have a lot of piles, sticky notes, dirty dishes, empty takeout containers, crumbs, and other stuff in my work area.

I am an open book and tell my coworkers what’s going on in my personal life. After all, everyone needs an opportunity to vent, and we spend a lot of time at work!

My friends and family need me and often call me at work or drop by to say hi.

Sometimes I don’t feel like going to work, so I take a personal health day and ask a coworker to cover for me.

If there’s a task my boss wants me to do that I don’t like, I just won’t do it.

I never refill the water in the coffee maker if I’m the last to use it. I also leave my pod in the machine and a dirty spoon on the counter along with spilled sugar and creamer.

I use the last of the toilet paper or paper towels and don’t replace the empty roll.

I watch videos at full volume on my phone at my desk.

I discuss politics and religion at work even though I don’t work in politics or at a faith-based organization.

SCORING

0-5: You’re a saint. No one is perfect, but you’re pretty close. You likely get along well with your boss and coworkers and are a valued employee. Depending on your company culture, some of the items on the list may not have applied to you.

6-10: You’re mildly annoying. A few too many typos, being overly chatty, or being a bit arrogant may irritate a coworker or two, but overall you’re a good worker.

11-20: You’re obnoxious. More than mildly annoying, you are downright obnoxious. Whether unwittingly or deliberately, you are doing your best to drive those around you insane! You probably feel ignored by your coworkers or wonder why they often seem short with you. You test their patience. You likely haven’t received a merit-based raise or promotion in a while, and your supervisor has given you at least one warning about your behavior and performance.

21-30: You’re a jerk—at least at work. You’re rude. You have a bad attitude and a lousy work ethic. You struggle to find and keep a job but, as evidenced by the fact you picked up this book and took the quiz, you don’t want to remain a jerk. You’re ready to knock it off and stop being a jerk at work.

INTRODUCTION

My first job was ironing dress whites for my dad and the other sailors in our neighborhood. I was ten years old, and I was bringing in the big bucks! Twenty-five cents for each item. Pressing military uniforms is tedious work. It’s essential to make the creases in precisely the right places and smooth out every last wrinkle. The sailors—and their wives—were more than happy to outsource the chore at such a bargain rate.

As I got older, I moved on to classic employment opportunities, such as babysitting neighborhood kids and flipping burgers down at the fast-food joint. If you’ve ever worked at McDonald’s or somewhere similar, you have a pretty good idea of what my job entailed. It was the classic teenage entry-level position: part-time work for minimum wage. It was at that locally owned diner where I set myself apart from my workplace peers. While the other employees stood around talking and laughing between customers, I washed walls, scraped gum from under the tables, and disinfected the soda machine taps. The owner noticed and transferred me to his downtown restaurant, where I worked full-time and earned tips. I spent the next year waiting tables and covering the grill, earning enough money in tips alone to pay cash for my first car—$500 for a used Chevy Citation.

Have you figured out yet that, by some standards, I am OLD? I fall into the elusive unicorn generation called Gen X. Those of us born between 1965 and 1980 are a small (about 65.2 million) group of people squeezed in between the two enormous and oft-heralded baby boomer and millennial generations. We are the original latchkey kids, the independent ones who came home after school to an empty house. If our parents were still together, they both worked. Some of our parents raised us alone. We babysat our younger siblings, did our homework without prompting, started dinner, and set the table. We hung out in malls, saw the first video on MTV (Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles), and watched every John Hughes movie. We can tell you where we were and what we were doing when John Hinckley Jr. shot President Ronald Reagan, and how we felt when President Reagan said, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

According to a 2018 article in Fast Company magazine, Gen X leaders hold 51 percent of leadership roles globally. We are the people for whom you are working. Because we spent so much time in our developmental years exercising our freedom to make decisions and organize our time while our parents worked, we grew into adults with entrepreneurial and independent management styles. We expect our coworkers and direct reports to do the same.

As members of the sandwich generation, we take care of our aging parents while launching our kids into the world and becoming grandparents. We have a lot on our plates, and the last thing we want to do in the workplace is to take care of you. We expect you to be independent adults who don’t need micromanaging. We don’t mind mentoring; in fact, we kind of dig it, but we already raised our kids. We don’t want to raise you, too. By writing this book, I hope to teach you the basics so you can go into a job ready to manage yourself well, which will benefit you, your manager, and your company as a whole.

In the thirty-plus years since my first job, I have worked in corporate and nonprofit management, and I’ve gathered a bit of education from universities as well as the school of hard knocks. I went from elementary school-age clothes-presser to CEO of a statewide trade organization, and I am now a doctor of strategic leadership (DSL) with my own coaching and leadership development business. I won’t bore you with my résumé, but let’s just say I know a thing or two because I’ve seen a thing or two (cue Farmers Insurance Group commercial music).

I have put my experience and education, along with the wisdom of friends and colleagues with decades of experience in hiring and managing employees, into the pages of this book. You can read it in order all the way through, or you can read just the chapters covering the issues you find essential at this time. You’ll find cartoon illustrations scattered throughout and a checklist at the end of each chapter so you can assess how you’re doing in the subject covered. I have also

scattered Soapbox Alert sections throughout the book. When you see this image, you’ll know you’re in for a rant on an issue that drives employers crazy.

You may read some things in this book that offend you, annoy you, or strike you as just plain stupid. You may be tempted to toss the book aside and pronounce it rubbish. If that happens, will you accept this challenge? Take some time to think about why you had an emotional reaction to what you read. It’s OK if you disagree with me; I’ll still appreciate you for giving my thoughts a chance. But please don’t just dismiss the tips in here without first giving them some serious consideration.

A few years ago, I had offers for two job opportunities within one week, even though I wasn’t looking for employment. A friend who was job searching said, I just don’t get it. I’m putting applications in all over town and can’t find a job, but you get two job offers in one week just sitting at home. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but there are particular reasons why I get jobs and excel in the workplace, and he does not. I don’t want to hurt your feelings either, but if you are struggling to the point of picking up this book and at least flipping through it, know that I can help you up your game in the world of work. Why not give it a shot?