About this ebook
All Marian wants is for society to accept that she's just not interested in... whatever society thinks she ought to be interested in. A princess with a reputation for insults and snide remarks, she's afraid to show anyone who she would be if people would let her. In a fit of temper at her refusal to marry, her father creates her worst nightmare: she is to be wed to the first beggar who arrives at the gates.
Edel was visiting purely for diplomatic reasons, aiming to ensure her daughter inherits a strong and peaceful kingdom. She sees something in Marian that is achingly familiar and when Edel hears the king's proclamation, only one thing is on her mind: to protect Marian from the fate that had befallen Edel herself.
Their lives threaded together by magic, Edel and Marian will have to find their way in the world in this queerplatonic, sapphic verse novel retelling of King Thrushbeard.
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Reviews for The Ice Princess's Fair Illusion
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Book preview
The Ice Princess's Fair Illusion - Dove Cooper
This will be fun!
And it’s everything
You ever wanted to
Be able to do.
I don’t like talking
To people, Marian.
But we’re not.
That’s the beauty!
We just talk at this
Device and treat it
Like it is a person
And tada! It’s like
We talked to someone,
But we never did.
That’s exactly like
When there is someone
You’re talking to.
What if we say
Something wrong?
Then we’ll correct
Ourselves. You’re
Too used to speeches
That’ve been worked
Out in advance, Edel.
Trust me, Edel.
We can just talk to
Each other and forget
About the device.
Would that help?
Er.
It might?
You’re the one
Who loves spending
Time with people, Marian.
You’ll like this once you
Get started, I promise.
I’ll begin!
Once upon a time there was a beautiful queen.
Ha!
She was the brightest star in all the lands,
Kind and generous and compassionate
Beyond anything that the poets could
Ever hope to catch within their lines.
Oh, please.
The first time we truly interacted
You called me Thrushmane.
And your hair still looks
Like a thrush’s nest
Despite my best efforts to tame it.
It looks fine.
You can tame it for formal occasions.
You know that.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Huuuuuuuu…
I knew I’d regret reminding you.
You love me really.
As a thrush loves its voice, my sweet.
So. Let me tell this bit my way?
Ha! Not a chance.
You’d have me be some flawless
Ethereal being come down from heaven
To save the world from its cruel fate.
Well, I wouldn’t go that far.
…
Probably.
Okay! So!
Once upon a time there was a beautiful queen
And I don’t want any arguments about it again.
The queen was beautiful and kind.
She was also alone.
So very alone.
Ahem.
The queen’s name was Edel,
Which is about as royal as a name can be,
And rather aspirational of her parents
Who were only minor nobility in an
Insignificant country amid the mountains.
Edel was, as queens in stories often are,
Young and innocent of the world around her.
That’s princesses, Marian.
Sometimes queens. In any case,
Trouble did not come to Edel’s
Small home in the mountains,
Unless a dispute about farm borders
Or unfair payments counts as trouble.
She grew up wild and carefree,
The youngest of twelve siblings,
The one destined to live a spinster
In her ancestral home and look after
The sheep and the goats and
What wild gardens could be maintained.
This did not bother Edel, for she had known
From a young age that courtship and marriage
Were not what she wanted from life
The way that her siblings did.
Aromantic, we call it.
You know that, my sweet.
Aromantic and asexual, in fact.
Why do those words bother you so?
They don’t bother me!
I just… This isn’t the right place for them.
It’s my story and I’m telling it, now hush.
No, dear. If you’re going to tell it,
Tell it loud. Tell it proud.
That’s why I agreed to do this.
I want to hear no more
Of people like yourself
Who needed words they never learned
Because no one believed they were needed.
But I wanted to make
A dramatic reveal…
Marian.
Oh, fine!
This did not bother Edel
For she had known from a young age
That she was aromantic and asexual
Which were understood by her people
And not by ours and even though telling it now
Rather ruins the dramatic reveal later on,
She was too straightforward and literal-minded
To know what makes a good story and to let
Her partner — that’s me — do what she does best,
Which is to tell a story intriguingly and well.
You’re so adorable
When you’re grumpy.
Like a little kitten
Denied a saucer of milk
And well knowing it.
Are you suuuuuuuure this is how
You want to do this?
Sure as the sun,
Certain as the moon,
My sweet.
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
But you’d better let me do
A dramatic reveal at some point!
It is your idea, my sweet.
I simply aim to make sure it’s accurate
And that you do not use people’s identities
As little more than a ‘dramatic reveal’.
That won’t do anyone any good.
Why do you like them anyway?
I like stories.
Marian, did you enjoy not knowing
That your feelings were normal?
Did you enjoy people suggesting
That you were broken and
frigid, at best, and
Dead or inanimate at worst?
No!
Then why, my sweet?
Why play coy with other
People’s feelings that way
For a story?
Don’t they matter more than your
Sense of aesthetics?
…
If you put it like that…
But, Edel, not everyone
Wants to use words or labels.
I’m more than that.
And not everyone feels
Broken or abnormal or dead.
I didn’t.
At least not until
Papa decided that
I had to do what he wanted.
And labels make me feel worse.
I just want to be me
Without anyone telling me
What I am or am not.
I know that they matter to you
And that’s why I wanted
To use them later when it mattered
To the story and when I felt comfortable
Using them in a way I found comfortable.
If it’s mostly my story and I’m telling it,
I get to do that, Edel.
Why do your feelings matter
More than mine?
Because —
…
Huuuuuuu.
I suppose they don’t.
I’m sorry, Marian.
But. If we don’t use the words
Then how can others learn that
They exist? We have to use them.
But the context matters, Edel.
I love how confident and assertive
You are when it’s important,
But it matters whether you’re
Telling the story or I am.
It doesn’t look the same.
We don’t experience things
The same. And that’s okay.
Isn’t it?
Yes, my sweet. It is.
And besides
If we always use the words
And not offer descriptions
How are they going to help anyone
If they can’t even tell
What the words mean?
That… is a good point.
I hadn’t thought of that.
I’m sorry to interrupt you, dear.
Please. Continue.
So. Once upon a time
There was a young girl
Who would grow up into
A wonderful woman who doesn’t know
The first thing about the fine art
Of literature and storytelling —
Ahem.
— despite the fact that she’d grown up
In a household where storytelling
Was one of the main ways to get
Through the long, dark winters.
Oh, we did plenty of other things too.
Whyyyyyyy are you like this?
I owed you for
Your comments on my literary tastes?
Stop smiling so smugly!
But riling you up is so much fun, dear.
You puff up like a solstice pastry,
All delicious and sweet.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeww.
You’re horrible.
But you squish me anyway.
To my long-suffering and eternal regret.
You can be so wonderful.
Be like that all the time.
It makes a much nicer story.
It makes a much duller story.
I give up!
You win!
You tell the story.
Know-it-all.
Honestly, dear, you’ve hardly got started.
I’ll tell your half of the story later.
Go on. I’ll try not to interrupt.
Uh-huh.
I’m watching you, Edel.
Anyway. Edel lived with her family
Far away from any kind
Of modern civilisation.
It wasn’t that far.
You promised not to interrupt!
It’s hardly been a minute!
My apologies, dear,
But it really wasn’t that far.
Humph. Some days you’d hardly know it.
Edel lived away from modern civilisation
Not because her family was poor
Or anything like that
But because the mountains are
Treacherous and dangerous
And the pass into the valley
She called home was little-travelled.
Which is a shame because it’s
Really rather beautiful with this
Bridge that leads right over
A waterfall that clatters invitingly
Down the mountainside.
It’s not that big a waterfall either,
Which is why it’s so friendly and cute.
Marian, dear.
You’re drifting.
Oh.
Right.
But the waterfall is absolutely worth
Coming to see it, though. It’s lovely.
And there are flowers and plants and
Don’t you even start, Edel. Hush!
I wasn’t doing anything.
You were thinking it!
I’m waaaaaaatching yoooouuuuuu.
…
Ahem.
Edel knew a lot about flowers and plants
That grow in the mountains because she had to.
When civilisation doesn’t like coming to where
You are, you’re stuck without some of its more
Useful advances. Like medicine to complement
The skills already there.
Thank you, dear.
I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or not…
I was not, but feel free to interpret it that way.
Ha! I shall give you the benefit of the doubt.
For now.
But yes. Edel had learned
A lot about plants and herbs
Because it was prudent and wise
To do so. So it’ll surprise no one
To know that modern civilisation
Decided that she had to be a witch.
Which she isn’t, just so you know.
Weeeeeeeell…
Not a story-witch! Not the ones who cast
Curses and ruin people’s lives!
Not an evil witch! Just a woman
Who happens to know a lot
About plants and how to use them!
Anyway! Edel was set to live
A happy, secluded life just the way
That she wanted to. She didn’t need
Or want more than her flocks and
The freedom to roam the woods
And a set of good friends around her.
Fate, however, had different plans
For young Edel, and I’m very glad it did.
When Edel turned seventeen —
Sixteen.
— sixteen, disaster struck.
Not for Edel’s family, as such,
But for Edel herself and her dreams.
The queen of a neighbouring country had died,
You see, while giving birth to a beautiful little baby
With lips as red as blood and hair as black as night
And skin as white as the untouched snow.
And the king needed a mother for his child.
And a wife for his bed.
Edel! I can’t hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!
Ach, my sweet, it’s not even that explicit.
LALALALALALALALALA.
Now you’re just being silly.
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Shall I just continue the story then, dear?
No, it’s mine! Hisssssssssss.
It speaks!
It interrupts!
Heh heh.
Go on, dear.
The king definitely needed
A good mother for his only child,
But he also wanted and needed someone
Who would not cause a lot of political
Strife or cause trouble with the succession later.
He also wanted to have someone
Who reminded him a little of his dead wife
Except stronger and more likely to survive
Child-birth should another baby be born.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-Anyway!
They searched far and wide for a bride
Who fit the king’s criteria and, eventually,
They came even to Edel’s home,
Once tucked so safely in the mountains
Where no king could find them.
Edel’s family and friends did what they could
Because, though they wished the best for Edel,
Their idea of the best was different from that
Of the king’s men who had been sent out to
Find every eligible maiden in the nearby lands.
It goes without saying that
The king’s men’s idea of what
Was best for Edel was not, in fact,
What was best for her at all.
It wasn’t what I wanted, certainly,
But I would not quite go that far.
Hush. You’ll get a chance to
Interrupt me later. I promise.
The king’s men had heard of a lovely maiden
Who resembled the dead queen
And they would not leave until
They had found her.
Well, that was true enough.
And