The Light of Wounds: The Mind Monster Series, #3

Chapter One

Alex slammed into the shallow bottom of Oak Creek, shocking herself back into her body. The cold and wet seeped through her clothes and skin. Her improbable blonde hair streaked terror maroon and defeated blue.

As Alex floated face down in the Sedona river, her brain swirled. The drugs her boss had slipped her and the alcohol she’d downed hours earlier in Las Vegas were still in her system, trapping her in a dizzying haze. She had a second or two to decide. She could continue to drown—or fight her way back to life. Time stopped as Alex weighed her options.

At forty-five, she was worn out from decades of heartache after heartache, pain after pain. The abuse, the loneliness, the constant failure—she was exhausted. She wondered if her life had any purpose. Her body relaxed as an all-encompassing peace surrounded her. She was ready to breathe in the water, let it fill her lungs and take her away.

At the same moment, Alex realized it would be the end. She’d be gone forever, and the powerful, dark force of self-hatred would win. As she continued to float face down in the cold water, Alex felt a powerful rage begin to burn through her veins. Anger black streaked through her maroon and blue hair.

She’d be dead before she had a chance to live, so everything she’d suffered through would be meaningless. She’d be the failure she feared she was.

The realization exploded within her. Alex had power over her life and what she did with it, not the scapegoating parents, abusive boyfriends, and narcissistic bosses who had persecuted and abused her. Alex had ultimate control. What she needed was the courage to carry on.

She raised her head out of the water, gasping for air. She hacked and coughed and choked on the creek that had filled her lungs. Alex reached to her left and grabbed a tree root jutting out from the bank. As her knees scraped the rocky bottom, she understood she needed to stop pushing out and start reaching within. To change her life, she needed to change herself.

Alex pulled herself to the creek’s edge. She vomited into the water and fell onto the shore, a baptism and a new beginning. She blacked out.

Alex inhaled sharply as her eyes flew open. Her heart pounded as she stared into nothingness, a pitch black oppressiveness that closed in from all sides. She felt bloated and heavy, her body weighing her down and crushing her. Her head throbbed and her stomach churned as the taste of sour acid filled her mouth.

She raised her arm and felt above and around her. Through a swirling haze of hangover and drugged thoughts, she realized she wasn’t dead. The memories rushed back: her boss JT’s assault; giving away Crystal’s location and nearly destroying her spirit guide; Sharlene, Jackie, Hank, and Zak all lifeless on the ground. She had tried to warn them. Alex sank into her humiliation as her hair streaked depressed blue and shame salmon.

A thumping sound made Alex jump. Footsteps on the stairs. She stared into the deep cavern of darkness as shame gripped her. She curled up tightly under the covers as the doorknob turned, willing the intruders to disappear. Whispered voices floated across the room.

Do you think she’s awake?

Footsteps drew closer. Alex cringed as a warm hand gently touched her forehead.

Hi, sweetie.

Alex moaned and rolled away from the voice. It was Sharlene, head of the Spiritual Enterprise Network, the group working to send disconnected spirit guides back to their dimension and stop JT Wilson from bringing them to Earth. Her warm, ever-present Mother Earth energy filled the room, along with her intoxicating gardenia perfume. Alex knew Sharlene would be in her uniform—a brightly colored muumuu. At least Sharlene wasn’t dead.

Alex remained buried under the blankets and mumbled through a small opening. Where am I?

Sharlene sat on the edge of the bed as her scent wafted into Alex’s nostrils.

With us at headquarters, dear. You gave us a little scare. Hank had to revive you.

Alex closed her eyes even tighter. Hank, the former secret military operative who’d risked his life to protect Alex and Crystal in Missouri, had saved her life again.

After we brought you here, Hank and Zak returned to find Max, Sharlene said. They’re still looking for him.

Zak, the gentle, young man with long, flowing black hair, had risked his life to save Crystal from experiments at JT’s lab. Dr. Max, the eccentrically brilliant scientist who’d been working for JT, had also put himself in danger by coming to help the Network and save Crystal after Alex had run off to Las Vegas. They had put others first for something bigger than themselves. Alex had cared about the money she’d make working at JT’s casino.

Please. Let me die, Alex said through her hangover haze as she continued to face the wall. Her hair remained salmon and blue.

Sharlene leaned in toward her. Not today, Alex.

Alex kept her eyes closed.

Hey, floated toward her.

Jackie’s voice. It was definitely Jackie. Alex had first met her in the safe house in Missouri, where her toughened energy, no-nonsense western cowgirl vibe, and genuine kindness had made Jackie an interesting contradiction. Alex’s body burned with remorse. She’d treated them all so badly and had fled from them. She’d betrayed Crystal, her spirit guide who’d been disconnected from her through JT’s quest to be the richest person on the planet, and had run away to work for the tyrannical billionaire in Las Vegas.

Crystal? Alex asked.

She’s okay. Sharlene stood and opened the blackout curtains. We’re confident we got her back to her dimension.

I’m so ashamed. This is all my fault.

A chair scraped across the floor. A body sat on the seat, its warmth radiating toward her. Alex, this isn’t your fault.

Alex’s head spun with her growing hangover. I’m so sorry; I’m so fucking sorry.

Sharlene’s perfume wafted across the room. Rest, dear. Jackie will stay with you.

Please, leave me alone. Alex curled up tighter under the blankets.

Not a chance, Jackie said.

The door closed quietly as Sharlene left.

Alex peeked out from under the covers at Jackie’s black cowboy boots and felt a warm smile greeting her.

Neither spoke as Alex suffocated under the weight of her guilt and regret. The silence became too much. I can’t do this, Alex mumbled through her throbbing headache as she glanced toward the chair leg.

Jackie leaned forward, her long, wavy, blonde-streaked hair falling forward in front of her. With all you’ve been through and all you’ve survived? Yes, Alex. You are strong enough to do this. But only you can do it.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut as Jackie tapped the edge of the mattress.

And we’re here to help, Jackie said. If you want it.

Alex peeked at Jackie smiling and nodding at her, the fine lines around her eyes wrinkled with warmth.

Alex’s breath caught. She felt a tear escape her eye. I don’t know how.

No worries. It’s one day at a time. Jackie leaned forward slightly and looked deep into Alex’s eyes. And sometimes it’s one hour or one minute at a time.

Alex felt her body tremble. I’m scared.

Of course you are. Jackie patted the mattress. I’ve been where you are, Alex. You’re not alone.

The tears came from nowhere. Alex sobbed until she cried herself to exhaustion.

Jackie handed Alex tissues but remained silent.

Thank you, Alex said as her face and head emerged from the blankets. She blew her nose into a Kleenex. I need help.

Jackie’s eyes glistened. That’s all you needed to say. Help you will get.

Alex covered her face with her hands as the realization washed over her. She hadn’t been living. She’d been existing in a world other people had forced on her. Alex had been on autopilot as she waited for someone to save her, but no one was going to solve her problems—she had to save herself.

She was the person she’d been waiting for.

By wanting to die, Alex discovered she longed to live her life, one she created for herself. Alex vowed to banish the dark voice of self-hatred that had plagued her since childhood. She didn’t know how, but she would find the person she was born to be and had lost when she was young.

Panic overwhelmed her as she realized she had to face her biggest fear—herself.

The harsh sound of metal scraping against metal woke Dr. Maximilian Underhill, or Dr. Max, as most people called him. Two mercenaries stood over the Crystalizer as JT’s nasally cackle came closer. The scientist and former employee of JT quickly closed his eyes.

Piece of shit, JT said over him.

JT’s foot connected with the scientist’s stomach. Dr. Max grimaced into the sand but remained limp as he felt JT step over him. Dr. Max carefully squinted toward the back of JT’s head. The sun was up and hidden behind the towering side of Cathedral Rock, one of Sedona’s famous red rocks and powerful vortexes. The scientist was crumpled into a ball among the rocks, sand, and scraggly brush.

No, you moron, JT said as he threw a stone toward one of the mercenaries. I need that machine in one piece. Carry it out with you.

Dr. Max heard a grunt and a low-growl reply. We have to take it apart. Three people can’t carry this thing intact.

Find a way.

Would you like to help us?

JT snorted.

Then it’s not possible.

As the two men argued, Dr. Max opened his right eye as far as he dared. Two of the hired soldiers were standing near the machine, JT next to them. The scientist heard the sounds of equipment being disassembled as the private contractors continued taking apart the machine while JT yelled at them. Jackie, Hank, and Zak were lying motionless on the sandy ground next to Oak Creek. He couldn’t see Sharlene, Alex, or Crystal, though he hoped Crystal had made it back to her dimension.

The Crystalizer was Dr. Max’s prime concern. He couldn’t let them take the machine he’d built, the one that returned spirit guides to their dimension. If JT combined the Crystalizer with the technology he already had—the ability to sever the connection between humans and their spirit guides—Dr. Max feared the global kingpin would create a far more devastating device. The machine had to be destroyed.

An army-fatigued shin and combat boot stepped near his head. Dr. Max glanced up and saw a gun dangling from a hand. He took a deep breath. On the exhale, he sprang into action.

In one motion, Dr. Max bolted up into a sitting position and grabbed the gun. His white lab coat was stained with dirt as his mushroom cloud hair bounced back and forth. He let out a small yelp as the weapon didn’t budge. He summoned his rage from the lies he’d been told about his previous work and yanked on the gun with all his might. He fell back onto the ground with the weapon in his hand and shot the surprised mercenary standing over him. The he-hulk crumpled to the ground. Max hopped to his feet, his mushroom cloud hair covered in twigs and pine needles and his hands shaking. He saw the surprised look on the other men’s faces. He knew he had no more than a second before they’d shoot him.

The weapon was set to stun, but he couldn’t shock the two other guards and JT. Maybe he could hit one of them, but they weren’t his priority—the machine and his laptop were. Max hopped from foot to foot, air-dodging any guns in advance of them shooting him. Twigs and pine needles flew from his head.

With the gun firmly clasped in his left hand, Dr. Max brought his right hand up to the weapon and frantically pushed all the buttons and dials on the barrel, praying he’d changed the settings to something stronger than stun. He pointed at the Crystalizer and fired.

He felt himself start to fall as his world fell into blackness.

The sound of sizzling metal and electric sparks made JT jump. The strong, acrid smell of burning rubber and plastic filled his nose.

The global kingpin lunged toward the machine. No!

The sound of the explosion ripped through his body as he was blown back onto the ground. His ears rang as he sat up.

One of Five, JT’s main assistant, ran to his boss’s side. Are you okay, sir?

JT batted One’s hand away. Get the fuck away from me.

One disappeared as quickly as he’d come.

JT looked at the charred remains of the Crystalizer. He tried to shake out the ringing in his ears as head mercenary Shooter helped him off the ground.

What the hell happened? JT growled.

The military man shook his head. Blown up, sir.

I know it’s blown up, you idiot. How did it happen?

Shooter shrugged. That scientist shot it before we got him. He shoved a computer at JT. Saved his laptop.

JT stepped into the special op, military elite’s personal space. That’s rather obvious. Where’d he get the gun?

Another shrug came JT’s way. He surprised Pop and grabbed it.

JT leaned in until he was nose-to-chest with his lead gunman. And how did that happen?

Shooter stared down at JT, his eyes as dead cold as the billionaire’s. He moved in closer, his muscular body grinding into JT’s doughy flesh. JT felt the ice in the gunman’s pores.

"Shit happens. Sir."

JT backed off, a long, smelly wet one escaping his ass. He was grateful that his insulated, ultra-absorbent underpants kept him dry. Shooter didn’t flinch. JT held the laptop out to his side. His assistant, One of Five, again appeared from nowhere and grabbed it, then vanished behind a rock.

JT looked at the mercenary. Grab the doctor. We’re taking him to my lab in New Mexico. Leave the others. They’re useless.

The gunman nodded to his teammate, Trigger, who lifted Dr. Max into a fireman’s carry. He headed down the trail toward the parking lot.

Shooter walked over to Pop, still lying on the ground.

I said leave him, JT said.

The gunman stared at JT, causing an ass squirt and loud PPPP FFFF RRRTTT to shoot out of the billionaire’s backside.

"No one’s ever left behind. Sir. Not my team."

JT backed down. Fine. Bring him.

The guard heaved Pop over his shoulders and started back toward their SUV.

One of Five rushed behind JT, brushing dirt off the global tycoon’s shirt and pants as JT angrily swatted at him. Losing the machine was a colossal setback in JT’s plans to become the most powerful person in the universe. He didn’t care who, but someone would pay for the fuck up; someone would most definitely pay.

Chapter Two

Alex woke from another fitful nap as Jackie snored softly in the armchair. Even after their time together, Alex realized she didn’t know the person next to her, the woman who’d helped her and accepted her back after Alex had done so much damage. Alex wouldn’t have. If someone had treated her the way she’d treated Jackie and the others, she would have kicked them out of her life.

Through her blurry hangover haze, Alex saw an emerging pattern of bad choices. She never stayed in touch with kind and decent people; she never knew them on a deeper level. Perhaps Alex didn’t have close friends because she pushed them all away before they got too close. Maybe fear kept her from letting them in.

Instead, Alex surrounded herself with abusers like ex-fiancé Finn and tormenting bosses like JT and her first boss Langley from Acht Records. Perhaps she fell into destructive situations because that was what she knew; that was her childhood. She’d been told over and over that the beatings were for her own good, so pain was the only love she’d known.

Alex’s throbbing head brought her out of her thoughts. She stretched and looked around the darkened, unfamiliar space. The same southwestern style decorated the room, so she was probably in Sedona or nearby, but the space had higher ceilings and different furniture. The Network must have moved locations after Alex had run away to Las Vegas.

Jackie opened her eyes and smiled softly. Hey. How you feeling?

Alex closed her eyes. She opened them again and looked toward Jackie, avoiding eye contact. No idea. She paused for a second, then said, Still breathing, though.

Jackie sat up and stretched her legs out in front of her. Well, that’s a start. She stood slowly. How about you shower and we get you some food?

Alex groaned. Can I stay here forever?

Jackie shook her head. Nope. You’ve got a lot to do, young lady. And you’ll feel better.

The sound of the blinds being pulled up startled Alex. A soft orangish light filtered into the room. She turned to her side. Please, just a few more minutes.

Sun’s almost down, Jackie said. Best you get up now, or you’ll never sleep tonight.

Fine. Alex sighed and threw back the covers.

She sat up in bed, her feet dangling over the side. Her brain pounded in her skull as her hair hung in strands in front of her eyes, a streaked mixture of ill lime green and depressed blue. To be honest, I feel like shit.

Much better, Jackie said in a cheerful tone as she pointed toward the hallway. Towels and everything are in the bathroom. The first door on your right. She walked across the room. I’ll be in the kitchen. Just follow the smell of food.

Alex waited until she heard Jackie’s boots on the stairs, then got off the bed. Her stomach turned somersaults as bile shot into her throat. Alex heaved and put her hand over her mouth. The horrible things she’d done. Breaking down in front of Jackie. Alex rushed to the bathroom and threw up, sure she’d never wash away her shame.

Once showered and at least physically clean, Alex followed the aroma of biscuits and found the kitchen. She stopped outside the doorway and willed her stomach to calm down.

Alex had a choice. She could turn and run out the door, leaving them all behind. Never see them again. Escaping was easier than facing people who were judging her for what she’d done. Jackie was acting kind, but they wanted her at the table, so they could chastise and punish her together.

Alex shouldn’t be forgiven. She’d almost destroyed Crystal and the planet. She’d run away without a goodbye, only to make money. Her heart pounded in her chest. The familiar sick sensation of shame continued to swirl in Alex’s gut as her wet hair streaked dark green disgust and stress magenta. She