Thomas Corfield was born in London several years ago, definitely before last Thursday. This was a good year for all concerned, and for him in particular, because without it, later years would mean little. He owes a lot to that first year and now lives because of it in undisclosed locations after successfully absconding from probation. Although he finds making friends difficult, this is only because no one likes him, including his mother, who didn’t bother giving him a name until he was nine. His solicitor describes him as having an allergy to apostrophes and an aversion to punctuation that borders on pathological, which makes the popularity of his books all the more remarkable—at least it would if there was any. But there isn’t, so it doesn’t.

Specialising in New Fable and dark humour, his books have spawned a cult series and two best-sellers, winning the Huffington Waste Paper Prize and a nomination for the Kudos Fiction Award. His narrated Cinematic Audiobooks have received acclaim from both sides of the Atlantic, cultivating an audience that positively affects his self-esteem. He was recently interviewed in Joomag’s Meals of Food magazine, which didn’t help anyone. He also has a PhD in Forensic Odontology, which, on occasion, has.