"I shot a Blue Hat today. I felt bad about it, but Pastor Phil says it doesn't matter if you kill someone as long as they're not a fetus."

"The Red Hats have surrounded the building and are firing on our positions. We pointed out the signs that say all weapons are banned, but they don't seem to care. "

The year is 2018. Our nation is torn by strife. As the red hats and Blue Hats face off on the field of battle, brave soldiers write home to share their tales of struggle and suffering with their loved ones.

These are their stories.

Praise for #SecondCivilWar- Letters

"A book this hilarious is rarer than a smart Kardashian!" J.K. Bowling

"At least as funny as that time I passed a kidney stone." Justin Bigbird

"I wish I had thought to trademark this!" Haleena Flopkins

"Bigly funny. Much covfefe!" Ronald Rump

"I'm offended." Rachelle Maddog

"I'm sure I'd be laughing if I had any discernible sense of humor." Camera Diaz

"Has anyone seen my Nickelback... I mean, Five Finger Death Punch, t-shirt?" LeJon Brames

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