What happens when the rules meant to save your soul become the chains that break your spirit?

Raised in a Mennonite world where God's love came with a belt, Steven Denlinger was taught to fear hell—but it was life within his own community that became the source of his deepest wounds. 'How To Tie a Tie' is an inspiring memoir of how he found the courage to walk away from religious trauma and discover a new faith that heals rather than harms.

The first-born son of a large and raucous family, Steven always knew his community felt strange. Being a good Christian meant following a list of rules to avoid hellfire. No movies. No radio. Women wore cape-like dresses to disguise their sinful bodies.

Parents and teachers had the right to beat you.

Long before his teens, these earnest sermons and rigid dictates sent him fleeing to the kitchen screaming, "I'm dying, I'm dying." Decades later, he finally discovered he was suffering from religious trauma due to the ritualized physical abuse he experienced within a Christian setting.

Steven's need to escape and his passion for a first-rate education led to a Rotary Foundation Scholarship that sent him abroad to the sinners' mecca of London. His struggles to assimilate, detailed in vulnerable letters home, inspired his family to send an emissary—pleading with him to return.

Steven's final break with his Mennonite community launched him on a confusing journey of grief, loss, and discovery. Outwardly a successful high school English teacher and theatrical director, his struggles to assimilate with the modern world led to many stumbles. Eventually, he found personal transformation and built a vibrant new community in his diverse world.

Written in a wry, raw, and reflective tone, "How To Tie a Tie" is a powerful and timely memoir—the quest to discover a new faith that offers hope and a path to personal freedom for anyone still trapped in a patriarchal fundamentalist community.

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