We are the Maidens of Mayhem. The best damned feathered Shifters you'll ever meet. If you got an itch, we'll find the scratcher. If somebody's all up in your tree, we've got just the right ax. Whatever or whoever is lost, missing, or just a pain in your booty – the Maidens of Mayhem can fix it all.

Find a dead body? We got ya' covered. Pick up and burial within twenty-four-hour notice with a picture ID and the cash upfront. Alibis are provided upon request - and do cost extra. No, we are not trained detectives, but we're nosey as all get out, and once we get a scent, we're like a dog with a bone.

We're open 24/7/365. No job is too small or too big. Call 1-555-MAIDENS for your free consultation.

Repeat customers will be invited to Friday Midnight Margaritas and are expected to bring the limes.

See y'all soon!

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