Dear Mr. Gallagher,

I do not need this job. In fact, I will remind you that I’m doing you a favor. I am working for you only because I don’t want you to inflict your grumpiness on my friends any longer. I am a strong, confident woman and know how to put men like you in their place.

I won’t succumb to your flirtations or your attempts to try and shock me. I am not impressed by your six-pack or your six-figure bank account. I suggest you realize that I am out of your league in so many ways, it’s not even funny.

Concentrate on your business endeavors, and I will concentrate on completing your projects on time.

Your assistant for a short time,

Elisabetta Franco

Elisabetta,

I can feel how much you're aching for me to take you on a date through this computer screen. In an attempt to be accurate:

Because, darling, trust me, there are other awards I’d much rather earn.

Your boss, here for a good time,

Liam Gallagher

As I stare at Liam’s email, there is one thing I know to be true in my life. I never should have accepted a job working for this jerk of a man. I am very much a goldfish swimming in shark-infested waters.