“The Grendel Authority” is a transcription of factual events. I was channel surfing from my couch, when a glowing neon dot appeared floating in the air before me. It was a only a few inches in diameter at first, but quickly expanded into a ten foot wide circle, sending sparks flying as it grew. It reached size and hovered in place, with a darkened portal in its shape. A beat later, and a seven-foot tall nightmare stepped through its frame, with gleaming obsidian skin, and six crimson eyes smouldering with malevolence. I almost pooped myself, but then its face receded in a scatter of pixels, revealing a human under the shiny stuff.

“The Apocalypse cometh,” said the stranger. “If you don’t help me, billions of people will die.” A dark cloud steamed off his armour and funnelled into my ears. “I’m attaching my nanites to your neocortex,” he added. “And I’m taking you to some key players.” And then he pulled me through the portal to meet the vilest person who ever lived. This is a true story. I swear it. This is how I save the world.