Everyone knows phones and I do not get along...

Who has time to read phone messages? I barely have time to read stop signs or brownie instructions. Spontaneity is what gets my blood going. But not when I have to chase down a talking gorilla. Dylan is thrilled to be finally helping my team of troublemakers. Tracking down humanity's sentient ancestors is not something I ever listed among my job skills.

And now Ben has gone missing. Again. He called me the day I thawed out the fairy and fixed the jiangshi that is thankfully gone for good. Since he writes my paychecks, I tried calling him back, but his phone went directly to voicemail.

I don't know what's happening with Ben or the gorilla, but I guess it's my job to find out both. When this is over, though, the Shadow Breakers will owe me some comp time. I'm supposed to be on vacation. These new problems have totally screwed up the first date I've had in months.

And I don't like the way the female guardian keeps smiling at me. The look in Zara's eyes makes me regret ever saving her. Thoughts of separating her head from the rest of her occur to me daily.

40 Ways to Watch Me Die is a funny, adventurous paranormal women's fiction tale from USA Today Bestselling Author Donna McDonald.

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